We try not to get distracted by sandwiches as we talk central packing, funeral catering and, yes, the return of our old Geordie friend in the series finale. PLUS: We discuss playing with audience expectations, the clash of old and new Partridge, and where this series of Oasthouse sits in the APU.

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This week we combine Alan's potato-themed blockbuster, a big Shrek, Tony Robinson, and an actual Geordie, whilst discussing bad graveside behaviour and Algarve camping, creating an episode that will tumble around your head like trainers in a washing machine and is not - repeat not - a bag of bits.

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We're on high alert for Michael sightings this week as we talk ASMR, bad dads, the strumpet supervisor, and weaponised grandkids. Plus: We make a shellfish stretch, Alan takes on India, and we investigate hairy fish.

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Alan's back in the commentary box this week as we put on our Heavy Thinking Hats and talk nude sleeping, Wogan's wake, coke, groupies, and Falkland penguins. Questions posed: Is Alan a hater? Does commentary work without imagery? Is Alan working his way through the 'phobias? All the haters, see you later, mash your brain like a bag of potaters.

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We discuss abused Alan, Lynn's lethargy, medicinal McDonalds and political Partridge this week as Michael is teased and Katrina's displeased. Plus: How dogs vote, yellow sticker strategy and we ask, have the writers hit their fan service phase?

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Nasal health and bidets dominate the chat this week as we speculate about 'And Did Those Feet,' play Drive-by or Drive-lie and talk ASMR, recycled content and unlocked toilet doors. If you enjoy the pod, ask yourself: could I have this in leather?

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Our extended rifle (not like that) through your feedback sees us try to date Carol (not like that), take on Edmonds, Daniels, Madeley and Partridge at once (not like that), delve into your bank holiday fantasies (not like that) and get corrected by a pedantic listener (exactly like that).

Links to things we talked about this week:

Christmas Morning with Noel 1988

I'm Alan Partridge studio audience bootleg recording

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Musk! Cheeseman! Terrible! McGuinness! Katrina! Photoshop! Butter! Stratagem! A collection of words designed to optimise our ranking in search results after an extended absence? Topics covered in this first episode of a brand new series, as we rake through your feedback? Or a bit of both? Hmmm, really makes you think.

Links to things we talked about this week:

Tropic Thunder: Rain of Madness

Richard Madeley interview

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Stratagem's now streaming, so we take a second look at Alan's live outing, the (minimal) good and the (plentiful) bad. Plus: the missing medley, the DFS disguise, and an ill-advised visit to the future. SPOILERS APLENTY so please watch Stratagem before listening!

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Fire! Fire! The garage is on fire! Alan's entire universe burns this week as we cover heroin, on-air boozing and Alan's perfect day. Plus: our thoughts on Oasthouse, your thoughts on Oasthouse, and Nick's attempts to pronounce some foreign words.

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We've adopted a power stance this week, but the optics are not good. With a deep dive on Katrina, Partridge politics and Will Smith all covered, you'd like to listen - and we've agreed to allow you to try.

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