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I Turn 60 Today: Growing Up Without Growing Old | Real Men Feel with Andy Grant

Andy Grant, host of Real Men Feel, shares that he turns sixty today and reflects on never expecting to live past twenty. He notes he doesn’t feel much different from how he did at thirty and is in better shape now than when he graduated from university. Andy challenges the common belief that aging is inevitably “all downhill,” saying that may be true for some people but not for him, and encourages others to respond the same way.

He emphasizes that growing up doesn’t have to mean growing old and cites men who felt great into their eighties and nineties because they kept learning, staying active, trying new things, laughing, and living. His advice at sixty: never stop learning, never stop trying new things, never stop having fun, and don’t waste life needing to be right all the time.

00:00 Turning Sixty Today
00:37 Rethinking Your Peak
00:44 Rejecting Age Decline
01:21 Growing Up Not Old
01:42 Advice For Sixty
01:50 Choose Happy Over Right
02:11 Life Is Good

#RealMenFeel 410

Turning 60 and Staying Connected: Celebrating Male Friendship

Host Andy Grant records a road-trip documentary to Northern California with five high school friends celebrating turning 60, using intimate one-on-one interviews to explore adult male friendship amid “male loneliness” statistics (men with six or more close friends dropping from 55% to 27%, and 15% reporting zero close friends). His friends discuss the conscious effort required to maintain long-distance bonds, barriers like busyness, being a homebody, and social anxiety, and the value of communities such as church men’s groups, volunteering, and shared activities; one shares the “big important thing” approach of scheduling recurring traditions to keep friendships alive.

They advise men without friends to make the first move and invite others in (“Come on over for supper”), be themselves rather than perform bravado, and express appreciation and affection (“If you can hug, you’re gonna be an awful lot happier”). Andy also shares past suicide attempts and realizing that the feared stigma often exists only in his mind, closing by inviting listeners to join the Authentic AF community.

00:00 Road Trip Friendship Doc
00:18 Why Male Friendship Matters
01:22 Staying Close Across Distance
02:27 Faith Groups And Brotherhood
03:34 Busy Lives Social Anxiety
05:07 Friendship Through Fun
06:46 Effort And Ride Or Die
08:51 Make It A Big Thing
10:43 Advice For Men Alone
13:01 Mental Health Storytime
14:38 One Thing Men Should Know
17:01 Turning Sixty Reflections
17:57 Closing Thoughts & Invitation

Connect with Andy:
Join other like-minded men in the Authentic AF Community | https://www.realmenfeel.org/group
Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant
Andy Grant | https://theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!
Real Men Feel | https://realmenfeel.org
YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel

#RealMenFeel ep 409

Doug Fleener on Sobriety, Self-Trust, and the “What If” Rule: Pause, Question, Go

On Real Men Feel, Andy Grant talks with Doug Fleener, author of Start with What If, about how asking better questions can spark practical change. Doug shares how addiction and bankrupting his family business led to a pivotal interruption—“What if today you just went today without drink or drug?”—launching nearly four decades of sobriety. They discuss why men often wait for “rock bottom,” how shame thrives in isolation, and how honesty with another man can turn shame into remorse and responsibility. Doug outlines his “What If” rule—pause, question, go—emphasizing that action creates clarity and that mindset without action changes nothing. He reflects on redefining success beyond money, checking motives, serving others without resentment, and approaching fatherhood as “get to” rather than “have to.”

Doug offers a free excerpt and newsletter at startwithwhatif.com, and Andy invites men to realmenfeel.org/group. Quotes: “What if today you just went today without drink or drug?” “The brain is a dangerous place to go alone.” “Mind shift without action changes nothing.”

00:00 Why Men Hide Feelings
00:21 Meet Doug Fleener
01:17 The First What If
03:20 Rock Bottom Choices
08:06 From Shame to Action
09:35 Pause Question Go
11:29 Stop Catastrophizing
14:08 Redefining Success
17:46 Second Chance Fatherhood
19:22 Action Creates Clarity
23:16 Get Help Stay Connected
26:17 Where to Find Doug
28:45 Final Takeaways

Connect with Doug
Doug Fleener — https://startwithwhatif.com
Instagram — https://instagram.com/dougfleener
YouTube — https://www.youtube.com/@doug-fleener
Facebook — https://www.facebook.com/startwithwhatif
TikTok — http://tiktok.com/@dougfleener
LinkedIn — http://www.linkedin.com/in/dougfleener

Resources
Start With What If by Doug Fleener — https://amzn.to/4oAHL44

Connect with Andy:
Join other like-minded men in the Authentic AF Community | https://www.realmenfeel.org/group
Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant
Andy Grant | https://theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!
Real Men Feel | https://realmenfeel.org
YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel

#RealMenFeel ep 408

Emotional Alchemy, Shame, and Healthy Masculinity

Host Andy Grant welcomes back holistic life and relationship coach Markus Kasunich to discuss “emotional alchemy,” shame, and how men may self-emasculate in reaction to toxic masculinity. Markus defines emotional alchemy as a three-part process—emotional awareness (visceral sensing), emotional intelligence (real-time articulation), and processing through feeling—arguing the emotional body can clear old material efficiently. They explore how men commonly repress anger and sadness due to conditioning, and how healing means changing one’s relationship to patterns rather than eliminating conditioning.

Markus distinguishes toxic masculinity as the shadow side of masculine archetypes (king, father, warrior, magician, sacred lover, sage) and urges men, especially younger men in dating, to cultivate refined, emotionally available masculinity without shame: “The only real ability to process emotions is to feel them,” “You never get rid of the conditioning, but you can definitely change the relationship to the conditioning,” and “The access to your consciousness starts with feeling.”

00:00 Emotions and Needs
00:20 Meet Markus Kasunich
02:12 What Is Emotional Alchemy
04:20 Clearing Emotions Faster
06:25 Men and Suppressed Feelings
08:07 Permission and Awareness
10:39 Shame and Self Emasculation
12:58 Toxic Masculinity Explained
17:18 Owning Conditioning Without Shame
20:38 Healing Your Relationship
21:45 Responding Not Reacting
23:18 Masculinity On Off Myth
25:21 Dating Shame Spiral
26:52 Reclaiming Healthy Archetypes
29:18 Emotionally Mature Man
31:39 Future Of Masculinity
33:52 What Women Misunderstand
36:34 When Vulnerability Gets Rejected
39:25 How To Connect With Markus
40:53 Feelings As Consciousness
42:27 Final Takeaways And Community

Connect with Markus
Markus Kasunich — https://markuskasunich.com
Instagram — https://www.instagram.com/markuswkasunich/
YouTube — https://www.youtube.com/@markuskasunich3583
Facebook — https://www.facebook.com/markuswkasunich/

Connect with Andy:
Join other like-minded men in the Authentic AF Community | https://www.realmenfeel.org/group
Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant
Andy Grant | https://theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!
Real Men Feel | https://realmenfeel.org
YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel

#RealMenFeel ep 407

From Marine to Somatic Intimacy Guide: Andre Lazarus on Presence Over Performance

Host Andy Grant interviews Andre Lazarus, a former US Marine turned somatic intimacy guide and surrogate partner therapist featured on the UK series Virgin Island. Andre describes serving in Afghanistan, leading others, and later being drawn into intimacy work after partners reflected its therapeutic impact, alongside unlearning rigid ideas of masculinity. He critiques the manosphere as often dangerous but notes it offers community and conversation to struggling young men.

Andre defines somatic work as body-based healing—through breath, touch, and nervous-system regulation—often more effective than talk alone for physical or sexual trauma, and discusses common male intimacy issues like rapid ejaculation, erectile concerns, dissociation, and over-focusing on a partner’s pleasure. He emphasizes breathing as a foundational practice, compassion in difficult family relationships, that surrogate partner therapy is a triadic model with a licensed therapist, and that “intimacy is not performance, its presence,” “simple doesn’t mean easy,” and “there is no one way of being a man.”

00:00 Surrogate Therapy Explained
00:43 Meet Andre Lazarus
01:32 From Marines to Intimacy
03:28 Masculinity and Unlearning
07:35 Vulnerability Myths
09:13 Manosphere Pull Explained
14:34 Somatics Defined
16:18 Men’s Hidden Intimacy Struggles
20:45 Breath as First Practice
24:03 Healing Father Wounds
27:05 Virgin Island and Surrogacy
29:57 Going Public With the Work
32:42 Boundaries With Clients
34:33 Never Too Late to Grow
36:01 Connect With Andre
37:39 Final Takeaways on Presence

Connect with Andre
Andre Lazarus — https://coming-closer.com/
Instagram — https://www.instagram.com/comingcloserwithandre/
Highlights of Virgin Island — https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLbnU9iq6kGBFORNkmpVkNhQ6KoZVkf04T

Connect with Andy:
Join other like-minded men in the Authentic AF Community | https://www.realmenfeel.org/group
Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant
Andy Grant | https://theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!
Real Men Feel | https://realmenfeel.org
YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel

#RealMenFeel ep 406

From Busy Brain to Loving Heart: Howard Steinberg on Trauma, Achievement, and Authentic Masculinity

Host Andy Grant interviews Howard Steinberg, author of Confessions of a Problem Seeker, about how compulsive hyperthinking and achievement masked inherited trauma from being raised by Holocaust survivors, plus the fear and isolation shaped by a childhood type 1 diabetes diagnosis and a likely undiagnosed ADHD. Steinberg describes building an outwardly successful identity as an entrepreneur while living in survival mode, then facing a midlife unraveling marked by business losses, divorce, and shifting family roles that forced surrender and deeper emotional work.

Howard shares how meditation, breathwork, somatic awareness, spiritual therapy, and psychedelic-assisted healing helped him move from mind-based control to heart-based truth, reframing masculinity as love and vulnerability. Key takeaways include: “I wish I had the courage to live an authentic life,” “The mind operates in fear… the heart operates in love,” and “You’re good enough… nothing to prove.”

00:00 Top Regret of the Dying
00:23 Meet Howard Steinberg
01:18 What Is a Problem Seeker
03:04 Survival Mode Origins
06:50 Hiding Vulnerability
08:01 Authenticity and Psychedelics
09:11 Midlife Unraveling
11:58 Ambition as Survival
14:03 Advice for Life Collapse
19:05 Tools That Opened the Heart
22:54 Somatics Get Out of Your Head
24:47 Trauma Family and Community
26:17 Forgiving and Reframing Parents
27:33 Fatherhood Grandfatherhood Love
28:25 Authentic Masculinity Is Love
29:20 Where to Find the Book
29:46 You’re Good Enough
30:42 Closing Reflections and Community

Connect with Howard
Howard Steinberg — https://howardsteinberg.com/
Confessions of a Problem Seeker: My Lifetime Journey From Busy Brain To Loving Heart — https://amzn.to/3PS3ffX

Connect with Andy:
Join other like-minded men in the Authentic AF Community | https://www.realmenfeel.org/group
Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant
Andy Grant | https://theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!
Real Men Feel | https://realmenfeel.org
YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel

#RealMenFeel ep 405

Men, Masks, and Meaning: Sean Hegarty on Being “Fine,” Identity, and Men Forge Forward

Host Andy Grant talks with Sean Hegarty, founder of Men Forge Forward, about how many men hide stress behind the mask of being “fine,” shaped by pressure, responsibility, and fear of appearing weak. Drawing on years as a paramedic and healthcare manager, Sean describes seeing men buckle under hidden load—especially during COVID when support networks vanished—and shares his own “dark time” after being diagnosed with complex PTSD and Functional Neurological Disorder, which ended his paramedic career and triggered depression and suicidal thoughts. Through therapy, networking, and coaching, he learned to separate identity from job, focus inward on values, and build an accessible Skool-based community that became a supportive brotherhood.

He explains signs of being stuck, the power of vulnerability and peer support, his critique of commercial coaching frameworks, and emphasizes that “it’s okay not to be okay.”

00:00 I'm Fine Lie
00:23 Meet Sean Hegarty
01:11 Emergency Care Stress
04:10 Masks And Weakness
06:51 Losing Paramedic Identity
08:38 Coaching Turning Point
11:20 Building Men Forge
13:36 Brotherhood Community
16:23 Not Finished Just Stuck
21:34 Signs He's Not Fine
23:39 Leading With Micro Wins
25:54 Connect And Closing

Connect with Sean
Men Forge Forward — http://menforgeforward.com/
LinkedIn — https://www.linkedin.com/in/seanhegarty01/

Connect with Andy:
Join other like-minded men in the Authentic AF Community | https://www.realmenfeel.org/group
Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant
Andy Grant | https://theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!
Real Men Feel | https://realmenfeel.org
YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel

#RealMenFeel ep 404

Emotional Fitness: Redefining Strength Through Self-Love and Vulnerability

Host Andy Grant welcomes Shaun Zetlin—master fitness trainer, motivational speaker, and author of Emotional Fitness—who defines “emotional fitness” as empowering yourself emotionally through exercise and releasing emotions stored in the body. Shaun shares how being born with club feet, being picked last, and a humiliating kickball incident where a camp counselor yelled, “What a loser,” led him to survive on shame and fueled his mission to help others not feel ashamed of their bodies. He reframes strength as facing and befriending childhood pain, accepting “Little Shaun” and recognizing that “You wouldn’t be Big Shaun without Little Shaun.”

Shaun describes a turning point in high school theatre when he found belonging and confidence, and explains why men avoid vulnerability out of fear of being unlovable and cling to familiar belief systems. Viral quotes: “Shame…is the cruelest emotion of all”; “Surviving on shame”; “Everybody suffers in their own way.”

00:00 Shame and the Mission
00:18 Meet Shaun Zetlin
01:01 What Emotional Fitness Means
02:08 From Outcast to Training
03:19 Redefining Strength
07:06 Finding Belonging on Stage
09:39 Kickball Trauma and Shame
12:12 Why Men Fear Vulnerability
16:31 Using the Gym to Avoid Feelings
18:42 Turning Pain into Service
24:00 How to Connect and Final Wisdom
25:52 Closing Message and Community

Connect with Shaun
Shaun Zetlin — https://www.zetlinfitness.com/
Instagram — https://instagram.com/zetlinfitness/
LinkedIn — https://www.linkedin.com/in/shaun-zetlin-96167270

Resources
Emotional Fitness: Empower Yourself Emotionally Through Exercise by Shaun Zetlin — https://amzn.to/4tnXcxm

Connect with Andy:
Join other like-minded men in the
Authentic AF Community | https://www.realmenfeel.org/group⁠⁠
Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant
Andy Grant | https://theandygrant.com⁠⁠⁠ for coaching, healing, and book info!
Real Men Feel | https://⁠⁠realmenfeel.org⁠⁠⁠
YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

#RealMenFeel ep 403

Reinvention, Grief, and Identity After Corporate Life

On Real Men Feel, host Andy Grant talks with reinvention coach Shelley McIntyre about why workplace change triggers resistance rooted in grief and fear of loss, explained through self-determination theory’s three needs: autonomy, competence, and connection. McIntyre distinguishes reinvention coaching from career coaching by focusing on identity questions—when high achievers feel they’ve “masked” themselves with competence, status, and titles, and fear they won’t matter without them.

They discuss the hidden grief of losing a career path, the “invisible contract” of loyalty for security that companies don’t actually honor, and signs it’s time to move on, including not liking who you’ve become, loss of belief in the work, and body sensations like “soul rot.” McIntyre outlines phases of reinvention (identity crisis, rebuilding foundation, experimentation) and emphasizes vulnerability, emotional vocabulary tools like an emotions wheel, and low-stakes steps like talking to people who’ve left corporate life, while reminding men that their value is inherent.

00:00 Three Needs Triangle
00:44 Meet The Guest
01:26 From Strategy To Coaching
02:10 Resistance And Grief
03:31 Self Determination At Work
04:45 Reinvention Not Career Coaching
06:11 When Competence Becomes Mask
07:57 Title Status And Terror
10:19 Layoffs Threaten Autonomy
10:49 Signs It's Time To Leave
12:55 Annihilation Fear And Culture
14:45 Invisible Contract Myth
17:33 Razor Blade Comfort Zone
18:20 Four Phases Of Reinvention
20:02 Crisis Versus Pre-Growth
24:15 Vulnerability Fuels Change
27:16 Emotion Wheel And Vocabulary
29:01 Low Stakes First Steps
30:42 Where To Find Shelley
31:11 Inherent Value Closing
31:55 Final Takeaways And Invite

Connect with Shelley
Shelley McIntyre — https://burnthemapcoaching.com/
Burn The Map Podcast — https://burnthemapcoaching.com/podcast/
LinkedIn — https://www.linkedin.com/in/shelley-mcintyre/

Connect with Andy:
Join other like-minded men in the
Authentic AF Community | https://www.realmenfeel.org/group⁠⁠
Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant
Andy Grant | https://theandygrant.com⁠⁠⁠ for coaching, healing, and book info!
Real Men Feel | http://⁠⁠realmenfeel.org⁠⁠⁠
YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

#RealMenFeel ep 402

From Burnout to Boundaries: Clarity, Values, and Life Reboot

Host Andy Grant interviews coach Loren Silverman, who helps overwhelmed high performers set healthier boundaries, clarify values, and rebuild steadier lives, including through his gamified 12-week “Life Reboot Nerd Edition” (a Dungeons & Dragons-style framework where clients “level up” real-life skills like boundaries and energy mastery). Silverman shares his own burnout and how the 2022 Ukraine invasion—impacting his Ukrainian dev team—prompted him to travel to Poland to transport refugees, reshaping how he wanted to serve people.

Loren emphasizes pausing for self-awareness, naming emotions (using tools like a feelings wheel), and choosing clarity over trying harder when misaligned with values: “Are you just not satisfied, or are you despondent?” He defines boundaries as protecting time and energy, warns against reflexive yeses, describes “cleaner conversations” via clear requests, and uses pinball’s “dead bounce” as a metaphor for patience and measured response. He encourages men to embrace vulnerability and intimacy with male friends.

00:00 Name Your Feelings
00:18 Meet Loren Silverman
00:57 Burnout to Coaching
01:36 Ukraine Turning Point
05:20 What Burnout Felt Like
07:25 Values Before Action
08:27 Pause Reboot Grow
09:01 Clarity Beats Effort
11:15 Life Reboot Nerd Edition
14:03 Boundaries That Protect
17:25 Clean Conversations
19:44 Feelings Wheel Basics
20:58 Tracking Real Progress
22:04 Pinball Life Lessons
24:56 Connect and Final Wisdom

Connect with Loren
Loren Silverman — https://www.silvermancoach.com/
LinkedIn — https://www.linkedin.com/in/lorensilverman/
Instagram — https://www.instagram.com/lorensilvermancoach/
Facebook — https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61578400050255

Connect with Andy:
Join other like-minded men in the
Authentic AF Community | https://www.realmenfeel.org/group⁠
Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant
Andy Grant | https://theandygrant.com⁠⁠ for coaching, healing, and book info!
Real Men Feel | https://⁠⁠realmenfeel.org⁠⁠
YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel⁠⁠⁠⁠

#RealMenFeel ep 401

Episode 400: The Invisible Scorecard

Host Andy Grant marks Real Men Feel’s 400th episode and 10-year anniversary with returning guest Vanessa Cardenas, a relationship reset expert, to examine how men constantly measure themselves through an “invisible scorecard” of success, money, status, age, and relationship milestones. They discuss how comparison “pulls a man out of his life and puts him onto someone else’s timeline,” eroding confidence and intimacy, especially when men fill gaps with imagined stories about past partners.

Cardenas emphasizes authenticity, dropping the mask, reducing destructive scorekeeping, and using milestones in healthy ways, noting that clarity builds confidence, which in turn supports intimacy. She shares coaching approaches that focus on the here-and-now, appreciation and recognition in relationships, and practical communication shifts.

They also explore how significant transformation can happen in 400 minutes, hours, days, or months, and close by urging men to stop measuring by others’ standards and focus on who they are becoming.

00:00 Episode 400 Milestone
01:24 Vanessa Returns
03:35 Why We Measure
04:50 Men Internal Scorecard
08:27 Comparison Social Media
12:17 Mythic Man Programming
14:06 Find Your People
17:19 Comparison Kills Intimacy
20:20 Clarity Builds Confidence
22:22 Say It Differently
25:03 Relationship Reset Work
26:32 Coaching Not Therapy
27:49 Starting Sessions With Praise
29:30 Drop Comparisons And Scorecards
31:06 Milestones Versus Keeping Score
32:14 Transform In 400
36:29 Men Need Appreciation
39:03 Compliments And Being Noticed
42:41 Invest In The Work
43:39 Authenticity And Connection
46:24 Metallica Quote And Joy
47:51 Final Takeaways And Thanks

Connect with Vanessa
Understanding Ear — https://understandingear.com
LinkedIn — https://www.linkedin.com/in/vanessa-cardenas-relationship-reset/
Instagram — https://www.instagram.com/vanessa_understandingear/
YouTube — https://www.youtube.com/@Vanessa-Cardenas

Resources
Prior appearances of Vanessa Cardenas — https://www.realmenfeel.org/guests/vanessa-cardenas/

Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:
Join other like-minded men in the
Authentic AF Community | https://www.realmenfeel.org/group
Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant
Andy Grant | https://theandygrant.com⁠ for coaching, healing, and book info!
Real Men Feel | httsp://⁠⁠realmenfeel.org⁠
YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel⁠⁠

#RealMenFeel ep 400