The harder we push, the more our kids can push back.

Fresh from a free-diving trip in the Philippines, Justin shares an unexpected parenting lesson from 20 metres underwater: staying calm can get you further than forcing your way through. Kylie brings it back to the village around our kids and the power of adults who stop, listen and make a child feel like the most important person in the room.

KEY POINTS

• Why force often creates resistance with kids
• What freediving taught Justin about staying calm under pressure
• How regulating ourselves can change a difficult parenting moment
• Why kids need trusted adults beyond their parents
• The impact of giving children your full attention
• How ordinary moments can help rebuild the village around our kids

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“Force creates resistance.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED

• Let It Be Tough by Ant Williams
• Happy Families

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS

• When tension rises, slow yourself down before responding.
• Notice when you’re trying to force an outcome and soften your approach.
• Give your child your full attention when they want to tell you something.
• Think about the good adults in your child’s life and create more opportunities for connection with them.
• Be that trusted adult for another child in your wider family or community.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Location tracking. Checking a partner’s phone. Constantly asking where they are and who they’re with. For some teenagers, controlling behaviour is becoming so normal they may not even recognise it as a red flag.

Justin and Kylie share three simple questions sparked by Victorian Attorney-General Sonya Kilkenny’s conversation with her teenage son: Do you know that’s wrong? Do you know that’s a red flag? What do the girls think?

They unpack consent, coercive control, rejection and the messages boys are absorbing about what it means to be a man. Most importantly, they explain why these conversations need to start long before our kids begin dating.

KEY POINTS

• Why jealousy, phone checking and location tracking can be mistaken for love or devotion
• Three questions that help teenagers recognise controlling behaviour
• Why conversations about consent should start when children are young
• Teaching kids to trust the feeling that says, “I don’t like this”
• Helping boys understand that rejection should be met with grace
• How online culture and unhealthy models of masculinity can shape boys’ ideas about relationships
• Why healthy relationships should leave people feeling safer and stronger
• Keeping conversations open so kids come to you when something doesn’t feel right

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“Healthy males help the people around them feel safer and stronger.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED

• Boys: Building Strong Men From the Inside Out by Dr Justin Coulson
• Victorian Attorney-General Sonya Kilkenny’s comments about coercive control
• Happy Families school parent presentations

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS

Ask the three questions: When relationship behaviour comes up, ask, “Do you know that’s wrong?”, “Do you know that’s a red flag?” and “What does the other person think?”

Start consent conversations early: Teach younger children that they can say no to unwanted affection, scary play or anything that makes them uncomfortable.

Talk about what healthy masculinity looks like: Ask your child when they saw a boy or man help someone feel safer and stronger today.

Talk about the opposite: Ask when they saw someone leave another person feeling smaller or weaker, then discuss what made the behaviour different.

Keep talking: Make relationships, consent, pornography, online influences and red flags normal topics of conversation rather than one big awkward talk

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Is your child’s screen time spiralling—and every conversation about it ends in a fight? Professor Wayne Warburton, leading psychologist and researcher, reveals how apps and games are deliberately engineered to hook young brains. He explains the hidden neuroscience of addiction, what excessive screen use does to a child’s emotional regulation and attention, and how parents can reclaim calm without all-out war. If you’ve ever wondered why your tween melts down when you say “time’s up,” this episode is a must-listen.

KEY POINTS

• Why modern apps use gambling-style tactics and AI to keep kids scrolling.
• How heavy screen use weakens the prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain that manages focus, planning, and emotional control.
• Simple, science-backed steps to reset family screen habits and return kids to the “driver’s seat.”
• Practical advice for conversations that don’t turn into shouting matches.
• Why social connection doesn’t have to mean social media.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
“It’s not your child’s fault—or yours. These products are built to be addictive. The goal is to put your child back in the driver’s seat, not the screen.” — Dr Wayne Warburton

RESOURCES MENTIONED

• Dr Wayne Warburton’s books Growing Up Fast and Furious and The Importance of Media Literacy
• HappyFamilies.com.au for family screen-plan templates and parenting resources

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS

1. Choose the right moment: Discuss screens only when everyone is calm and offline.
2. Externalise the problem: Frame it as “us versus the tech designers,” not parent versus child.
3. Co-create a plan: Involve kids in setting screen limits and consequences; write it down.
4. Build healthy replacements: Help kids identify offline ways to cope with boredom, anxiety, or stress.
5. Model balance: Show your own healthy screen habits—your example speaks louder than rules.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You’ve chosen the school you believe is best for your child. There’s just one problem. They absolutely refuse to go.

When an 11-year-old is threatening to cut up his uniform and stay home rather than attend the high school his parents have chosen, pushing harder is unlikely to help. Justin and Kylie explain why force creates resistance, what might really be underneath a child’s refusal, and how to have the conversation that could change everything.

KEY POINTS

• Why trying to convince your child you’re right can make them dig in harder
• The three needs driving your child’s response: connection, competence and autonomy
• Why feeling heard needs to come before problem-solving
• How to listen without adding your own interpretation
• Why writing your child’s concerns down can take the heat out of the conversation
• How to explain your reasons once your child knows you understand theirs
• Using trial days and agreed expectations to move forward
• Why the school that looks best on paper may not be the school where your child thrives

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“Force creates resistance. The harder you push, the harder your kids push back.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED

• Self-Determination Theory
• Basic Psychological Need Theory
• Autonomy-supportive parenting

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS

1. Stop trying to win the argument. Shift the goal from convincing your child to understanding them.
2. Ask what you’re missing. Give them space to explain every concern without correcting or defending.
3. Write it down. Take their concerns seriously enough to make notes, then repeat them back without adding your interpretation.
4. Wait for the “yes, you get it”. If they’re still correcting you, keep listening.
5. Explain your why. Once they feel understood, share the two or three reasons behind your preferred school.
6. Look for a workable next step. Consider an experience day, trial period or clear agreement about what giving the school a genuine chance will look like.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Some of the most well-intentioned things we say to our kids can backfire.

From “Good job, you’re so smart” to “You’ll be fine” and “Why can’t you be more like your sister?”, Justin and Kylie unpack five common phrases that can undermine confidence, shut down emotions and create distance between parents and kids.

More importantly, they share what to say instead to help kids feel understood, capable and connected.

KEY POINTS

• Why too much praise can make kids depend on external validation
• The hidden cost of saying “I’m disappointed in you”
• Why “You’ll be fine” can leave a struggling child feeling alone
• How comparing siblings can fuel conflict and self-doubt
• Why saying “I was never good at maths either” can create a limiting mindset
• Simple phrases that build connection without trying to fix everything

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“You need to know that we love you no matter what.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED

• Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman
• Research by Wolf Meyer on praise and children’s perceptions of ability
• Research by Eddie Brummelman on inflated praise
• Research by Avi Assor and Guy Roth on conditional parental regard

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS

• Swap automatic praise for curiosity: “What did you enjoy about that?”
• Replace disappointment with connection: “We love you no matter what. Let’s work through this.”
• Validate hard feelings before offering solutions: “This is really tough, isn’t it?”
• Stop comparing siblings, friends or abilities
• Replace “We’re just not good at that” with “Let’s work it out”

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The best Father’s Day had almost nothing to do with presents.

Justin and Kylie share the unexpectedly beautiful family dinner that turned into stories, tears, terrible dancing and a powerful reminder of what children really take from their dads. As each daughter shared what she loved about Justin, one message kept coming through: the way a father loves his partner can shape what his children expect from love for years to come.

KEY POINTS

• Why gifts and big expectations can make special days fall flat
• The simple dinner-table tradition that changed the whole night
• Why telling family members what you love about them matters
• How old family songs brought childhood memories flooding back
• The relationship lesson Justin and Kylie’s daughters have absorbed from watching their parents
• Why strong family bonds can add to our lives rather than restrict them

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“The greatest legacy you as their dad have given them already is the way you love me.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED

• “Blue Hotel” by Chris Isaak
• “Cinderella” by Steven Curtis Chapman
• “We Will Rock You” by Queen

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS

• Tell your partner and children something specific you love about them.
• Bring back a song, ritual or tradition your family has let slip.
• Create time together that isn’t centred around buying things.
• Consider what your children are learning about relationships by watching yours.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

More choice should make us happier. Turns out, it often does the opposite.

Whether it’s choosing a movie, buying a pair of jeans or helping your child pick school subjects, searching for the absolute best option can leave us anxious, regretful and less satisfied with what we eventually choose.

Justin and Kylie unpack the psychology of maximising versus satisficing and what the research reveals about decision-making. They explore why “good enough” can sometimes make us happier, how too many choices affect kids, and how to know when a decision deserves serious thought and when it’s time to stop searching.

KEY POINTS

• The difference between maximisers and satisficers
• Why finding the “best” option doesn’t always make us happier
• How too many choices can increase regret and dissatisfaction
• Why kids often benefit from fewer options
• How to decide what “good enough” looks like before you start searching
• Which decisions deserve more time and which ones don’t
• How parents can model confident decision-making

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“If you can decide what’s going to be good enough before you start the search, then once you find it, you can stop the search.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED

• Herbert Simon’s concept of “satisficing”
• Research by Sheena Iyengar, Barry Schwartz and Jonathan Wells on maximising and decision-making

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS

• Shrink the choice. Give children two or three options instead of an endless list.
• Set the standard first. Decide what “good enough” looks like before searching.
• Say it out loud. Let your kids hear you say, “This works. I’m happy with this choice.”
• Match the effort to the decision. University choices deserve more thought than what to eat for dinner.
• Notice decision avoidance. Ask whether you’re still searching for a better answer or because committing to one feels uncomfortable.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Parents have more advice, information and expert guidance than ever before. So why are so many feeling stressed, isolated and burnt out?

More than 10,000 Australian parents took part in the Parenting Today study, revealing a worrying decline in wellbeing, self-compassion and connection. Justin speaks with Derek McCormick, Director of Raising Children Network, about what's putting parents under so much pressure and whether the constant stream of parenting advice is part of the problem.

They unpack information overload, social media, AI, loneliness and the one simple shift that can help when parenting feels like too much.

KEY POINTS

• What more than 10,000 Australian parents revealed about parenting today
• Why having more parenting information hasn't necessarily made parenting easier
• How social media and influencers can leave good parents feeling like they're getting it wrong
• Why trusted information matters, but information alone isn't enough
• The importance of real-world connection and peer support
• Why keeping communication open with your kids matters more than pushing them to talk
• How AI is changing where parents go for advice
• Why self-compassion is a practical tool for overwhelmed parents

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

"Do I talk to myself the way I would talk to a good friend?"
Derek McCormick

RESOURCES MENTIONED

• Raising Children Network
• Parenting Today study from the Parenting Research Centre
• MyTime peer support groups
• Happy Families
• Burnt Out webinar (included in the Happy Families membership)

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS

• Audit where your parenting advice is coming from. Choose sources you genuinely trust.
• Notice which accounts, reels or advice leave you feeling inadequate. Give yourself permission to unfollow.
• Talk to yourself with the same kindness you'd offer a struggling friend.
• Reach out to someone you trust instead of carrying the hard parts of parenting alone.
• Focus on creating a relationship where your child feels safe bringing problems to you.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Your child is standing in front of a party table loaded with cake, lollies and soft drink. Do you step in or let them go for it?

Justin and Kylie’s answer might surprise you: let the party be the party.

Research suggests that tightly restricting treats can make kids want them even more. Instead of policing every mouthful, this episode explores how parents can help kids build genuine self-control, trust around food and the ability to notice when their body has had enough.

KEY POINTS

• Why restricting treats can make them more desirable
• The problem with policing what kids eat at parties
• Why healthy food habits are built at home, not beside the lolly table
• How trust helps kids develop their own self-control
• Why parents can decide what food is offered while kids decide whether and how much they eat
• How to help kids recognise their body's signals
• Why the best teaching moment may come after the party

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“The child who is calm around the lolly table got there by being trusted around food when it wasn't a big deal.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED

• Fisher and Birch research on restricting children's access to palatable foods
• Walter Mischel's Marshmallow Experiment and the 2018 replication study
• Ellyn Satter's Division of Responsibility in Feeding

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS

• Let parties be parties. One afternoon of cake and lollies isn't going to determine your child's health.
• Build everyday habits at home. Offer nutritious options without turning food into a constant battle.
• Take the drama out of treats. Avoid making sugary food forbidden, precious or unusually exciting.
• Give your child some control. Let them practise deciding how much they want to eat.
• Talk afterwards. If they come home feeling sick or uncomfortable, help them connect how they feel with what they ate rather than lecturing them at the party.
• Teach body awareness. Help them notice hunger, fullness and how different foods make them feel.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Do you actually know what your child is being taught about gender and identity at school?

Child and adolescent psychologist Clare Rowe says many parents have no idea what is being introduced in classrooms, particularly in the early primary years. She joins Justin to unpack what she believes is a growing gap between what children are being taught and what they are developmentally ready to understand.

They discuss gender identity education, the role of schools versus parents, what Clare is seeing in her psychology practice, and why she believes parents need greater transparency about classroom content.

Most importantly, Clare explains how parents can find out exactly what their school is teaching without starting a fight.

KEY POINTS

• Why Clare believes some gender concepts are being introduced too early
• The difference between teaching inclusion and introducing complex ideas about identity
• Why young children can struggle with abstract concepts
• What Clare is seeing among children presenting with gender distress
• The concern around moving young people quickly towards medical interventions
• Why parents may not know what outside providers are teaching at school
• How to ask your school for lesson plans and curriculum information without becoming confrontational

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“Get curious, not furious.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED

• Clare Rowe and Rowe & Associates Child and Family Psychology
• The Rowe Report
• On the Couch with Clare
• Respectful Relationships programs
• Happy Families

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS

1. Ask your school what your child is being taught about sex, gender and identity.
2. Request lesson plans, curriculum details and information about any third-party providers.
3. Find out when this content will be taught so you can talk about it at home.
4. Approach the school calmly and ask questions before drawing conclusions.
5. Consider approaching the school with two or three other parents if you feel more comfortable doing it together.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What if trying to create the perfect family moment is the very thing getting in the way?

After a week away with three of their daughters, Kylie realised she’d arrived with a clear picture of how their time together should look. The reality was completely different. And it turned out to be better. Justin and Kylie unpack the pressure parents put on themselves to get the “recipe” right, why our kids need room to make their own choices, and how letting go of control can create more connection.

Justin also shares what happened when Kylie left him juggling work and parenting, including one spectacular diary fail, and why simple, low-pressure time together can be some of the best parenting we do.

KEY POINTS

• Why parenting doesn’t come with a guaranteed recipe for happy, successful kids
• How expectations can turn good family experiences into disappointments
• Why giving kids space can lead to more openness and connection
• The power of simple, unstructured time with your child
• Why presence, patience and understanding often matter more than elaborate plans - Justin’s lesson in juggling work and parenting when Kylie went away

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“It’s the simple stuff that makes our families work the best.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED

What Your Child Needs From You by Justin Coulson

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS

• Notice where you’ve created a “recipe” for how family life should look.
• Leave room for your child to choose how they experience a moment.
• Swap one carefully planned activity for simple time together.
• Focus less on monitoring and more on creating a relationship where your child wants to talk to you.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.