"I struggle with rejection, even when I haven't actually been rejected." At our last Couple's Night, one of the guys put his finger on something that has a name: Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.

RSD is a wave of emotional pain that lands way out of proportion to whatever actually happened, and the rejection doesn't even have to be real. It is most strongly tied to ADHD, and in a marriage it can quietly do a lot of damage: over time the higher-desire spouse stops initiating, the marriage slowly goes quiet, and neither spouse understands why.

In this episode I unpack what RSD actually is, how it shows up between spouses and in the bedroom, five things that genuinely help, and why none of it means you were woven wrong.

In this episode:

• (0:00) Intro
• (1:13) What Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria actually is
• (2:00) When the rejection isn't even real
• (2:41) The ADHD connection
• (3:16) How RSD shows up in a marriage
• (4:11) RSD in the bedroom
• (5:20) What actually helps - 5 steps
• (7:05) Medication, and why SSRIs miss it
• (8:29) You're not woven wrong
• (11:09) Book a free ADHD discovery call

Scripture referenced: Psalm 139:13, Revelation 13:8, 2 Timothy 1:9, Ephesians 1:4, Titus 1:2, John 14:2-3, 1 Thessalonians 4:17, Revelation 21:3, Luke 23:42-43, Romans 10:9, Romans 10:13, John 3:16, Revelation 3:20, Revelation 22:17.

Links mentioned:

• Married with ADHD - book a free discovery call
• Marriage Coaching
• Subscribe to our newsletter

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Thank you to all our faithful champions!

If you'd like to support our ministry and see it grow, check out our support page for more info. Even $5/month makes a difference!

Lastly, if you like our podcast, click here to give us a rating and leave us a review. They help others know this is a good resource for their marriage. You managed to find us; help someone else do the same.

A deep dive into one of the most consistent findings from our survey of over 1,000 married Christians: couples who can talk openly about sex report dramatically higher satisfaction than those who can't. Check out the show notes here for more details and links.

In this episode, we cover:

• Why so many couples stay silent about what they actually want in bed
• The communication gap: satisfaction scores by comfort level across manual sex, oral sex, and mutual masturbation
• Who is actually talking — and how many couples are stuck wanting to but don't know how
• What openly discussing preferences actually does to sexual satisfaction
• Why the gender picture is more surprising than you'd expect
• Why the silence persists — and how it calcifies over time
• A note on couples who don't discuss it and are doing fine anyway
• How to start the conversation if you've been sitting on something unsaid

Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

If you'd like to discuss topics like this with other married Christians, consider joining our private forum.

Thank you to all our faithful champions!

If you'd like to support our ministry and see it grow, check out our support page for more info. Even $5/month makes a difference!

Lastly, if you like our podcast, click here to give us a rating and leave us a review. They help others know this is a good resource for their marriage. You managed to find us; help someone else do the same.

SWM — Sex as Worship: Pornography, Erotica and AI Companions. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.

Pornography and erotica have become ubiquitous and socially normalized, and AI “companions” are increasingly marketed as hyper-sexual substitutes. These offer the appeal of intimacy without risk—no rejection, responsibility or vulnerability—yet they train desire away from real people and covenant relationships.

God designed intimacy for embodied, vulnerable union within marriage (Genesis 2:24–25; “to know” as in Genesis 4:1). In the “Sex as Worship” framework, aligning with God’s design is worship; deviations declare that we know better.

Scripture shows God’s insistence on real relationships, not images or illusions (Exodus 20:4–6). Marriage pictures Christ and His church (Ephesians 5:31–32), and the incarnation underscores embodied presence (John 1:14). Substitutes like porn, erotica and AI reject that design (Romans 1:25).

Practically, these fantasies retrain desire through novelty-driven dopamine, dulling normal arousal and escalating content. They reduce relationship satisfaction, weaken empathy, and increase objectification by orienting desire around control, not mutual love. They soothe loneliness without healing it, and intensify conflict avoidance—eroding skills vital to intimacy.

Common rationalizations fall short: “It’s better than cheating,” “It’s just a character,” “It helps me cope,” “My spouse doesn’t meet my needs,” “Everyone does it,” “You’re sex-negative,” or “I can separate fantasy from reality.” In reality, formation happens; what captures your brain shapes your life. Relief isn’t healing, and avoidance entrenches wounds.

If you’ve been using these, stop and seek accountability. Share with your spouse if possible, involve a pastor/elder or coach, and retrain desire toward your spouse. Neuroplasticity means change is possible; meditate on what is true, noble, pure and lovely (Philippians 4:8). Healing aims at presence, covenant, and embodied love.

You were made for more than illusion. Fantasy promises intimacy without pain; only reality delivers intimacy with meaning. God’s design is harder and riskier—but far more satisfying.

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If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.

Thank you to all our faithful supporters!

If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info. Even $5/month makes a difference.

Lastly, if you like our podcast, please rate it as it helps others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us—help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.

SWM 155 - Hookup Culture - When You Take Relationship Out of Sex. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.

We live in a world that has learned to separate what God never divided.

Hookup culture is the next stage of sex stripped of meaning - where bodies meet, but no one truly connects.

I’m continuing this series exploring how, when we remove aspects of God’s intent for sex, we end up with all the examples of sexual immorality we see in our world.

Last time, I tackled what removing covenant from sex gets you: sex before marriage, and the fallout from that choice.

Today, we’re going to push that even further and look at hookup culture. At first glance it might seem like sex before marriage taken to the next level - but that expansion comes with new problems.

This isn’t just the removal of covenant - it’s the removal of the relationship itself.

Links in this podcast episode:

• Marriage Coaching
• Speak at an event or church

Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.

Thank you to all our faithful supporters!

If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info. Even $5/month makes a difference.

Lastly, if you like our podcast, please rate it as it helps others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.

SWM 154 - Sex before marriage - when you remove covenant from intimacy. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.

In my last episode, I talked about how sex is an act of worship because having sex, the way God intended, gives worth to Him. It honours what He created by using it as He intended.

However, our society is doing its best to invert that by taking away elements of God’s plan so as to distort sex. To make it not something that’s worship and creative, but rather destructive to ourselves, to each other, and to society as a whole.

So, today we’re going to explore sex outside of marriage, or what happens when you remove the covenant from sexual intimacy.

And to be clear, the legal status of the relationship is not the big problem here. It’s the intentional lifelong monogamous commitment to each other. Arguably, many marriages in the Bible are considered marriages simply because they had sex. However, sex is meant to seal a covenant, not substitute for one.

Links in this podcast episode:

• Marriage Coaching
• Speak at an event or church
• Article as a PDF (without mention of UncoveringIntimacy.com
• Podcast mp3

Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.

Thank you to all our faithful supporters!

If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info. Even $5/month makes a difference.

Lastly, if you like our podcast, please rate it as it helps others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.

SWM 153 - Sex as an act of worship. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.

The other night, after my wife and I had sex, we were lying there in that sweaty, happy pile you end up in when the oxytocin kicks in. As I often do, I asked her what she was thinking about. She’ll tell you I probably ask that too often, because I’m endlessly curious about what’s going on in her head.

Her answer surprised me. She said, “Sex is an act of worship.”

I asked her to explain, and she said, “Well, everything we do should be for God. And since you’re the head of the household, just as Christ is the head of the church, then giving myself to you, serving you in this way, is like serving Christ.”

That surprised me. I mean, I’ve taught before that sex is about more than physical release - that it’s for procreation, for bonding, for comfort, for recreation, even for warding off temptation. But I don’t think I’ve ever described it quite this way: as an act of worship.

So let’s unpack that. What does it mean that sex - sweaty, messy, joyful sex - could actually be worship of the God who created it?

Links in this podcast episode:

• Marriage Coaching

Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.

Thank you to all our faithful supporters!

If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info. Even $5/month makes a difference.

Lastly, if you like our podcast, please rate it as it helps others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.

June - August 2025 Questions from our anonymous Have A Question page. Check out the show notes here for more details and links.

In this episode, we are tackling the subjects:

• My wife’s nightclothes are killing my attraction
• Is using a vibrator wrong?
• How do I get my husband to initiate sex?
• Need something to spice up our sex life
• How does scent factor into spouse selection
• Recovery after pregnancy
• Is using classical conditioning on your spouse wrong?
• How do I keep myself from becoming distant from my husband?
• How can I talk to my husband about oral sex?

Here are the links I mentioned during the podcast:

• Have a Question (form)
• Join the supporter's forum (donate)
• Manual Sex & Masturbation Survey
• Becoming More Sexually Engaged (webinar)
• Why masturbation is a problem whether you're married or single (blog)
• Sexploration List
• Marriage Coaching

Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.

If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.

Thank you to all our faithful champions!

If you'd like to support our ministry and see it grow, check out our support page for more info. Even $5/month makes a difference!

Lastly, if you like our podcast, click here to give us a rating, and leave us a review. They help others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.