FMQ530 What Are You Afraid of Losing? (And How It's Holding You Back)

Here's a question for you…

What are you afraid of losing?

Not gaining… not achieving… But losing.

Because here's the thing…

I've been doing a bit of deeper work on myself lately — you know, when life shifts a little and things you've always done… just don't have that same spark anymore.

And in that space… that little void… I found myself looking for something new.

A new direction… a bit more passion… a bit more something.

But the harder I looked…

The more it seemed to disappear.

Now that's frustrating, isn't it?

And it got me thinking…

What if it's not about what I'm trying to find…

But what I'm afraid of losing?

Because we all do it, don't we?

We hold on to things — even emotional stuff, even old ways of being — And we don't always know why.

And maybe… just maybe…

That's what's getting in the way of finding what we really want.

So this is just a seed…

A question to sit with.

What are you afraid of losing? And how might that be holding you back?

In the longer episode, we're going to dive deeper into this…

We'll explore what's really going on underneath… And more importantly…

We'll go through a process together — not just talking about it, but actually finding your answer.

Because that's where the change happens.

What's the Next Step?

If this got you thinking… stay with me.

Make sure you're subscribed so you don't miss the next episode —What's the next That's where we do the real work.

And maybe… just maybe… You'll find something you didn't expect.

Share the Seed

If you know someone who's searching… Or maybe feeling a bit stuck…

Share this with them. https://personaldevelopmentunplugged.com/fmq530-what-are-you-afraid-of-losing

and have a look at the video too https://youtu.be/R-bP_zzZfr8

Let's get more people asking better questions.

Shine Brightly 🌟

Paul

Hey there! I'd love to hear from you—questions, feedback, requests—all welcome. Drop me a line or leave a comment. If you've enjoyed this episode or any other, please share and subscribe! You can reach me at [email protected].

Subscribe to the Podcast

Ready to subscribe? Click here to explore your options. Or, if you're on Apple Music or iTunes, you can go straight to subscribe or leave a review here.

Special Programs for You

For tools on developing Supreme Inner Confidence, finding Freedom from Anxiety, or specialized Hypnosis Tracks, visit PaulCloughOnline.com.

Free Hypnosis Tracks

Want access to my FREE hypnosis tracks? Head over to paulcloughonline.com/podcast.

Connect with Me

Follow me on Twitter: @pcloughie

Remember: I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. This podcast and any of my online resources are for educational purposes only. Never use the hypnosis tracks or exercises if you're operating machinery, driving, or if you have epilepsy or psychiatric conditions. Always consult a healthcare provider if you're unsure.

Find Us on Other Platforms

Catch the podcast on Spotify, Castbox, iHeart Radio, YouTube, or on our Libsyn page.

Stay tuned, and keep shining brightly. ✨

Music Credits

Music by Wataboi from Pixabay, Music by DreamHeaven from Pixabay, Music by ccjmusic from Pixabay, Music by freegroove from Pixabay, Music by prazkhanal from Pixabay. Music by prazkhanal from Pixabay. Music by will |Marshall from will marshall.

And the transcript WARNING if you're a lover of the written word this may make you frustrated, or angry - you have been warned - is it an 'ism

Welcome to the Personal Development Unplugged podcast with me Paul. And this is a five minute quickie.

A seed, where I sow a seed or some thoughts of mine, where I want to go with a longer podcast where we can dive deeper. But instead of just diving deep into subjects, I found that was sometimes too big a jump. And I needed to think along different lines and get my thoughts to germinate.

And I want to do it with you too. So I wanted to share what I'm thinking about, so you can think about it too. And then on the longer podcast, we're together walking hand in hand, as it were, diving deeper into subjects.

And the subject I've been working on is, as you can see from the title, what are you afraid of losing? What are you afraid of losing? Now, I've been doing something over the last couple of months, which is, for me, a little bit unusual. I've been doing even deeper work on myself. Yeah, deeper work on myself, because things have been changing in my life.

And you see, those things, I've been losing some of the things I've been doing for years. And in that void that's been created, I felt lost a little bit. I felt I hadn't got things that I was passionate about anymore.

Still get hypnosis and things like that. But there are other parts of my life that just seemed to, well, they didn't have that spark anymore. The little candle inside me just started to get dimmer.

And I wanted to find new interest to spark passion. And I called it, this investigation, My North Star. Yeah, I have to keep looking that way, because I never know which blooming camera I'm on.

But I'm back again. But My North Star is my direction, where I want my life to be filled with more passion, more interest, more creativity, and be more worthwhile. I feel my life has been pretty worthwhile up to now, but I want to be even more, especially with this, these voids I've created.

I want them to be filled with good stuff, not just boring stuff. And I hope in my little adventure of creating this for myself, and I'm getting there, there'll be things of interest I can share with you too. So if you're having trouble with finding your direction, your passions, your mission, for being in the world, your best version of yourself and why you're here, stay with me.

But the thing is, I discovered something quite weird. And what the weird thing was, is the harder I bloody looked, it was like the further it disappeared. It was really frustrating, because I looked and looked and looked, I kept thinking about that stuff.

I just couldn't get it, as if I wanted something. I wanted something I could hold, to have, and it disappeared. And then something happened in my mind as I was thinking around this.

What am I afraid of losing? Which is weird, isn't it? Put the two together, looking for something, looking for something that's really going to be really good, really, really, really, really good. But having this fear of losing something. And it got me thinking about emotional issues.

We have emotional issues, but sometimes we hold on to them, don't we? Why is that? What are we afraid of losing? There's a theme there. Then I thought to myself, what about personal development? Which is a little bit like I'm doing myself. Sometimes when we're in this lovely bit of life of personal development, we're trying to progress ourselves, get that 1% better every day and all the stuff and all the good things, you know, creating that best version of ourselves or moving towards it.

It's there, we've just got to move towards it. But sometimes we falter, don't we? We plateau. And there's reasons why we plateau.

But sometimes we just don't move on from that plateau. Why is that? What are we afraid of losing? That's what keeps coming to my mind. Now I thought to myself, what about goals, our dreams, our desires? Sometimes we work on them and it just happens, doesn't it? But then there are other times.

And to me, sometimes they're the big things, bit like this North Star of mine. My goal, my dream, my real passionate desire to find something new in my life, to create something which is a benefit to me, the people around me, a little old planet Earth, which makes it totally ecological and fun. Why don't we achieve them sometimes? And I put it again.

I think sometimes we're afraid of losing something. And it's that fear of losing is stopping us creating marvellous, magical things in our life. What are we afraid of losing? And the thing is, these are just questions, aren't they? They're just questions.

But the longer podcast, I think I've got a bit of the answer. I'm not going to say I've got the total answer because there's always more answers to find. But I think when you find the answer, as I did, boom.

Once I understood what I was afraid of losing, things just got big. They became clear again. And the more I looked, the more I found.

So on the longer podcast, if you come with me, this is of interest to you. We're going to go deeper into what we're afraid of losing, how we can let go of that fear, understand what's happening on the inside. Find that passion, find that purpose.

And guess what? There'll be at least one process in that longer podcast. I don't know what it is yet. But we're going to have at least one or two processes because I love that is part of this passion that I'm finding now.

I don't just want to do talk about stuff. I hear so many people talk and they don't back it up. They don't give you the how.

They don't help you through that process. They just tell you, well, this is what you're going to look for. But no, don't tell you how to look for it.

Well, I'm not going to tell you how to look for it. We're going to look for it together in a process. And those answers that you find through the process, and I hope through the thoughts that we have, the deeper dive, will allow you to succeed in your life.

Because that's the whole basis, really, of personal development unplugged. It's using all the skills from NLP, hypnosis, everything I've ever got, into supporting you and me, by the way. You support me in finding our dreams, creating our dreams, succeeding in our dreams, and making little old planet Earth a better place to live.

And there is an end. The end is finding that real you. The real you that's going to make this life so worthwhile.

And I'll have a few questions along the way that'll make you think too. And the thing is, when we find that real you, and it's a simple little statement, it will create the ripples that will go so far and wide. It will change your life.

It will change the lives around you, your friends, your family. And I think you'll make a difference to little old planet Earth. Which is, I know I repeat it so many times, but if we can make one little tiny difference, like that butterfly flapping on the other side of the world, we're going to make a hurricane of change.

The wind of change. So please come with me. Please come with me on that longer podcast, which will be the one that follows this.

And it'll be called something like, what are you afraid of losing? But it might be called, what are you afraid of? I don't know. I ain't got there yet. This is all in the making, and that's part of this.

So come with me. Please share. So other people might be of interest, or it might be of interest to you.

You're interested in this stuff. Maybe have a little listen to old Cluffy here. He might have something for you.

The video is a bit bonky. They're not that professional, but hopefully the audio quality is pretty good. And he's got some real interesting things that help you change.

If you do that, that'd be great. Just share it along and press that. I haven't got the old things that come up on the screen.

Just press the bloody subscribe button. So you don't miss the longer podcasts. And they always pop on your playing device of choice.

All that stuff. When you do that, we're going to make a change together. So come with me and sit down for a spell next time.

Okay. Have more fun than you can stand. And guess what? It's time to fly.

So before you leave this unplugged mind of mine, this hypnotic mind, if you enjoyed this podcast or any of the other podcasts, please do subscribe. It helps this podcast grow and affect so many more people. And we love to leave everyone in a better place than we found them.

And this will help help the podcast. It will help you and it will help everyone that you know. So if you could just subscribe and share, share this podcast to everyone you know, that's the only cost, pay it forward to everyone.

And when you do that, boom, we are all going to make a difference to this little old planet earth of ours and the people in it. Let's make a good world, a nice world. Okay.

Okay. You can now prepare to leave this unplugged mind. Warning.

You are now leaving the unplugged mind of Paul Clough. It's time to fly. Be brave, my friend.

Personal development unplugged.

Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited

Personal development [self improvement] [self development] [NLP] [Hypnosis]

Your Growth Serves: Find Your Why, Build Confidence & Create Meaningful Impact

What if personal development wasn't just about fixing yourself… but fulfilling something bigger?

In this deeper dive from the FMQ "The Big Why – Let's Refresh", we move beyond goals, habits and self-improvement — and into something far more powerful: Service through growth

Because when your "why" is only about you, motivation fades. But when your growth begins to serve others, everything changes.

In this episode, you'll experience a powerful process to help you:

• Reconnect with your deeper purpose

• See the ripple effect your growth creates

• And step into a version of you that is aligned, motivated and meaningful

This isn't about pushing yourself anymore…

It's about being pulled by purpose.

What You'll Discover

• Why most people lose motivation in personal development

• The real power behind discovering your true "why"

• The shift from self-improvement → self-exploration → service

• How your growth creates a ripple effect in every area of life

• Why meaning and purpose fuel consistent motivation

• How to move from "I have to" → "I get to"

• Turning your life into a hero's adventure, not a grind

The Processes Inside This Episode 🔹 Process 1 – The Ripple Effect Visualisation

Experience your future self growing into your ultimate vision …and notice how that growth:

• Transforms your confidence, relationships, and direction

• Creates a ripple effect into the lives of others

• Installs the belief:

"My growth serves"

Process 2 – Clarity Through Reflection

Simple but powerful questions to anchor your growth:

• What do I need to let go of?

• What do I need to learn?

• Who am I becoming?

• How will this benefit others?

This is where insight turns into real change

Key Takeaway

Personal development isn't something you have to do.

It's something you get to experience.

And when your growth becomes about more than just you…

You stop pushing You start being pulled And life becomes an adventure full of meaning

Core Message

"My growth serves."

Say it. Feel it. Live it.

Because when you grow:

• You change your life

• You change the people around you

• You contribute to something bigger than you

And that's where true motivation lives.

Questions To Reflect On

Don't just listen — use this.

• What am I ready to let go of?

• What do I need to learn next?

• Who am I becoming?

• What impact will my growth have on others?

And most importantly:

What's my real "why"… now?

Topics Explored in This Episode

• finding your why

• personal development motivation

• purpose and meaning in life

• self growth and transformation

• confidence and identity change

• mindset and success psychology

• overcoming procrastination

• personal development tools and techniques

• creating purpose-driven success

• self improvement vs self exploration

Final Thought

What would it be like…

To walk through today And suddenly feel happy… for no reason?

Maybe your unconscious mind is already working on that.

And Finally please share this episode

https://personaldevelopmentunplugged.com/478-the-big-why-the-ripple-effect-of-personal-development

Or the video of the whole thing https://youtu.be/HUEkr6cYtK4

Shine Brightly 🌟

Paul

I'd love to hear from you—questions, feedback, requests—all welcome. Drop me a line or leave a comment. If you've enjoyed this episode or any other, please share and subscribe! You can reach me at [email protected].

Subscribe to the Podcast

Ready to subscribe? Click here to explore your options. Or, if you're on Apple Music or iTunes, you can go straight to subscribe or leave a review here.

Special Programs for You

For tools on developing Supreme Inner Confidence, finding Freedom from Anxiety, or specialized Hypnosis Tracks, visit PaulCloughOnline.com.

Free Hypnosis Tracks

Want access to my FREE hypnosis tracks? Head over to paulcloughonline.com/podcast.

Connect with Me

Follow me on Twitter: @pcloughie

Remember: I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. This podcast and any of my online resources are for educational purposes only. Never use the hypnosis tracks or exercises if you're operating machinery, driving, or if you have epilepsy or psychiatric conditions. Always consult a healthcare provider if you're unsure.

Find Us on Other Platforms

Catch the podcast on Spotify, Castbox, iHeart Radio, YouTube, or on our Libsyn page.

Stay tuned, and keep shining brightly. ✨

Music Credits

Music by Wataboi from Pixabay, Music by DreamHeaven from Pixabay, Music by ccjmusic from Pixabay, Music by freegroove from Pixabay, Music by prazkhanal from Pixabay. Music by prazkhanal from Pixabay. Music by will |Marshall from will marshall.

And the transcript WARNING if you're a lover of the written word this may make you frustrated, or angry - you have been warned - is it an 'ism

#478 The Big Why - The Ripple effect Of Personal Development

So you're back for this deeper dive. And the big why, the big why the ripple effect of personal development is what people don't tell you. And when it works, and it does work, it affects all areas of your life.

So that's why I love promoting and being part of personal development. And that's why I do personal development unplugged. You see, the question you need to ask yourself about being involved in trying to develop yourself being the best version of yourself, why are you bloody doing it? What is your why? And maybe you think, well, it's therapy.

Because I've got an ism, or I've got like anxiety. I've got an inferiority complex, you know, I shouldn't be here. I got those limiting beliefs of I'm not good enough.

I'm not worthy. I don't deserve this. I think I'm invisible.

That's one that comes up a lot. I'm invisible, stay hidden. And they're all perfectly good reasons.

And they're not excuses this time. They're reasons for you to develop yourself, to be able to let them go, find the tools within personal development, and change the way you feel. Because you're not entitled, you must have a life feeling the way you want to feel.

You know, it's your choice. Your choice, nobody else's. So you can do that.

I mean, if you were to get really curious, maybe you'd think, yeah, it's therapy, but I really just want to get really confident. And the thing is, no one can give you confidence because you have confidence inside you. Let's think about that for a moment.

I've got the confidence inside me. Well, where the hell is it, Cluffy? Well, it comes from competence. And we're going to talk about that shortly.

But you don't want to be overconfident, do you? Because that's where you create issues in your life. And sometimes overconfidence is a way of trying to get those negative beliefs reinforced. I knew I couldn't do it.

I'm a failure, which is so, well, it's false. It really is. So let's just think for a little while, think of all the things you'd like to change.

Because that's part of personal development. But there's other things. Let me tell you a little story.

Because we like a story before we get into the deep stuff. And this is the thing about the ripples. Lovely young lady come to see me a few years ago now.

And she said, well, I've got this phobia of loud noises. And I'm thinking, that's interesting. We live in a life, the neighborhood where we live is really quiet.

So I said, where'd you get these loud noises? I want to know, because I don't hear them. And she said, well, they're all over the place. Where we live in the summer, there's a fireworks display every Saturday night for all the tourists.

And they frighten the life out of me. Oh, I've heard those. But they're not that loud.

But if they affect you, they do. And she says, if you think about it, most parties now have some type of firework display. They always have some bangers or things.

And in fact, people will make and buy fireworks just to let them off in the street. Yeah, I've heard that too. And it's terrible.

I can't go out. I can't go to a party just in case. I can't go out on a Saturday night because of that firework display.

And it's really, really ruining, you know, what I should have. I'm a young girl, I should be able to enjoy myself. And you're dead right.

She was dead right. So we did some work. And then she phoned me up because I said, you know, you got to test this stuff.

There's no good doing the work and then not testing because we've got to see that it works. Maybe you have to tweak a little bit. And she phoned back and said, I went to a birthday party over the weekend.

And there was lots of fireworks. They actually had a firework display. They brought one in and I was very nervous, Paul.

But then there was nothing. In fact, I watched and I was really interested and curious. I hadn't seen it because they're always hidden, but they were beautiful.

Yeah, the loud noises did give me a little bit. But that's what loud noises do to everybody, isn't it? But she said, here's the weird thing. And it wasn't weird to me, by the way.

But when you get this, the ripples, she said at work, things have changed. I'm so confident in myself. I speak up.

I share my opinions. I never used to do that. I always hid.

But now when I go out socialising, I'm confident in myself. It made such a difference to my life. I didn't realise how this affected me, but I'm so pleased.

And that's what it is. It's the ripples of change. You never know how far they go.

And you never know in which direction. But when you do change one thing in your life, and you get a little bit more confident there, you get more confident over there. And it's proper confidence, confidence in your competence.

And in this episode and episodes to follow, we're going to find your why, the real why. Because when you know the real why, you'll be pulled, you'll be motivated. And that's real.

You can't stop yourself then. Because you just want to do these things. And then you will be striving to be the best version of yourself.

Internal conflict gets resolved. We'll do a little bit today, we'll do it. And if you notice, we've been doing this on every longer podcast now, resolving conflicts.

So go backwards and forwards through the catalogue. Come with me. And when you find that why, we'll be installing like a motivational alignment, you'll be aligned.

So you won't have the negative beliefs trying to stop you doing things because it's safer doing the things you want to do when we do it in the right way. When we've got access to the right tools, resources, your unconscious mind comes with us and says, this is safer, I don't need all that negative stuff, we've learned from it. That's where the alignment comes in, conscious and unconscious alignment, learnings.

And that's where you find growth. And then we'll just explore this ripple effect. Because when you start to notice where you find all the different things that are changing your life that you didn't realise, then you go, wow, do you know what, I can do whatever I like.

As long as it's ecological, you know, good for me, good for the people around me and good for little old planet Earth. That's when I'm really going to be my best version. A little bit of selfless service in there, doing things for others, because that's the way, that's what happens when you really start to change with personal development.

But let's have a little think, this confidence and competence. I'm very much into competence. Because when you're competent in an area of your life, you will be confident in yourself there, because you just know.

It's when you're not competent, and you're just confident you can do something. You know, I could be confident, I could fly a plane, I would not come with me by the way, because I've never flown a plane. But I'm just confident.

But if you're competent, and you learn things, you build upon them. Again, the ripple effect, you start learning things, because you see things in a different way. And you have curiosity.

I love curiosity, because that feeds the learnings and the learning state within us. And when we learn, we grow, we strive to be the best version of ourselves. And when we do that, you know, just having confidence alone, by the way, is delusional, a delusion.

Because it's nothing, it's not based on anything at all. So we don't want confidence, we want inner confidence. I have a programme called Supreme Inner Confidence, being confident in yourself.

I'm not selling that. Well, I am selling it, but I'm not pushing it now. Have a look at paulcloughonline.com if you want to have a little look.

There's a 30 day money back guarantee, and it only takes two weeks or 14 days, so you got plenty of time, send it back, I don't care. But it'll make a difference. But you see, when you have that confidence, it builds confidence inside you.

And that allows you to stretch. And when you stretch, you grow. And when you stretch, you grow, and the ripples keep changing.

They change you, they change different areas of your life. And they also change the people around you. And that growth, I guess, sometimes triggers resistance.

It's a little scary, isn't it? But when we just push a little bit, just beyond our comfort zone, our familiar zone, we tend to find it wasn't that scary. We'd be putting up an invisible barrier. And now we don't need to.

Because that resistance is purely an unconscious way of protecting you. Your unconscious mind saying, whoa, this might be scary. But if we can show each time that we stretch ourselves with safety, with resources, such as hypnosis, such as the processes of NLP that we do here, your unconscious mind can get the resources it needs to be able to use them to say, to keep you safe and grow.

Yeah. And so if you think about it, if resistance isn't the enemy anymore, what is it protecting? Because there's no need to protect anything at all. Think of this for a moment.

Think of this for a moment. If you were to identify a goal, something you want, you know, if you got that goal, what might you lose if you succeed? How can I lose something? You might say, how can I lose anything if I succeed? Well, think of this. You would leave, yeah, you'd leave it behind, but you'd lose that anxiety you had about it, that fear you had about it.

You'd lose that, I don't deserve to be here belief. You'd lose, I'm not worthy. I'm not good enough belief.

Because you're succeeding. And if the goal's an appropriate goal, and supported by your unconscious mind, and you do it in wonderful ways with the processes here at Personal Development Unplugged and the hypnosis here, you're just going to get better and better. And you can ask yourself, then what value is this protecting? Because if I lose things like anxiety and fear, because I'm more competent, I'm safer, because anxiety keeps you safe in a way, but it makes you feel so bloody terrible, you're not safe.

So there's that clash, that complete clash, conflict, we need to find a better way. That's what we do here. So we find a higher value.

What do you really want? And why is comebacks to the why? Why do you want it? Because we find a safer way, a safer value. And we can imagine it, visualise it, and then get comfortable with it. And when we're comfortable, we notice that we're working towards something, not coming away.

And when you're working towards something which is really good, and is aligned with your values, aligned with your goals, aligned with your safety, it's a lovely gentle stretch. Yeah. So here's the thing, what we want to do is begin to align the future, the future with the way you want to be, with your self image, that self image that you have, the real you.

So think of this for the moment. Maybe, I don't know if you want to close your eyes or not. But maybe you just begin to think, what would it be like if you brought a goal to mind? And notice that the feeling you would have getting it and got it would be that feeling of success.

Not the overconfidence, because you'll have got there and feel how competent you feel. Because you've learned along the way, you've had to stretch yourself. But when your unconscious mind is protecting you, that goal becomes congruent with the ultimate vision of yourself, that real you.

And when you're the real you, and you have access to all your learnings, all your experiences, that's when you can truly grow. And you can let go of emotions, negative emotions, limiting belief, but we do the work as well. We find processes to learn from those isms as they were.

And when we learn from them, we can then use the learnings to achieve those goals, to stretch and get them. And when we can visualise that, see yourself successfully completing something that in the past you were a little bit hesitant. Notice when you get there, what new opportunities, feel like.

Notice how it feels like you're being pulled towards a new goal, more opportunities to allow you to grow. What would that feel like? And maybe notice, just be aware of different areas of your life now changing too. Confidence is spreading, the learnings, the skill sets, your skills stacking, and being able to use different skills or skills in different areas of your life.

Maybe you feel comfortable talking at work, and now you feel comfortable talking socially, expressing your ideas. Yeah. And that's just a small thing, a small thing.

We can think about that. Because again, I want you to just realise the difference, the difference of having either overconfidence or maybe not really knowing your why, but knowing there's a why there, the why to develop yourself, personal development, and making it unplugged as it were. And we're slowly exploring this in a very light way.

And we can do it, and I think I will, do this in a deeper hypnotic style. So we can align your why and resolving in a conflict. What would that be like? Yeah.

Now, now think about it for the moment. Think. Let's think about the bigger picture.

You see, most people think of personal development being a bit selfish, because all you're doing is working on yourself. But the thing is, if you've seen somebody who is anxious, nervous, you feel it, don't you? You feel it yourself. You feel anxious yourself.

If someone's very negative all the time, maybe depressed, they bring you down, don't they? Whereas when you can, say, regulate your emotions, because negative emotions will always be there. But now we have the tools to deal with them or learn from them. And we're feeling, say, grounded.

We're feeling our true self. It makes others feel safe too. You become the change you want to see in others.

So it's the most unselfish thing to do, to work on yourself. And you see, when you get that inner competence and inner confidence, and you behave in that way, other people get confident with you. You bring them along.

No longer is that tall poppy syndrome where they try to cut you down. You bring them along with you. And you see, when they see you stretch, striving to be a better version, giving selfless service, it's as if you're giving permission to the people around you to say, this is good, this is okay.

And you're not doing it for ego now. No ego here. And where does that ripple effect go when you're that way? Let's think about it.

When you're more confident in yourself, and you're feeling good about yourself, genuinely aligned with your goals, you have goals that you're striving for, you're achieving, what happens to your family dynamics? How you connect, how you share in your family. And these don't have to be just family members. These are people who act like family members too.

Think of it at work, how your stature changes, your words change because of your inner confidence. Because you're growing, you're moving on, moving up. You're showing the world who you really are.

You're not hiding, you're not invisible anymore. You want to share. And you also know your boundaries, because you're not overconfident.

You ask questions. You show that you want to learn because you're curious. And when you're like that, socialising becomes a dream.

And everyone needs to socialise. We need friends, we need people to discuss, we need people to challenge us in a good way. Think about that now.

And maybe how you approach people you don't know, friends yet to come. Because instead of shrinking away, maybe at a gathering or something, you shrink away from them. What happens now? You're confident to discuss things, to share things, maybe a story or two, maybe to ask really good questions.

Because you become interested in people now, because you can. And when you're interested in people, you become interesting to them. And then you find new friends, new circles.

You see, that why we're talking about, that why, is not just for you, is it? It's not just about you now, when you see this, it affects not only you but the people around you. Isn't that brilliant? So here's the thing, here's again what I want you to do, another process, sort of, again a visualisation, a visualisation. Because I want you to begin to look at your identity differently.

It's not just self-improvement now, self-development, it's growth and your service through growth. Say that again, it's not just service but service through growth, your growth. So close your eyes for a moment, if it's okay, if it's okay and you'll be undisturbed, if not pause, come back to me when you're ready.

But find a place where you can close your eyes, just take the distractions away, where you'll be undisturbed just for a few moments. Not going to be long, but I want you just to see yourself over there, see yourself over there, beginning to grow, grow as not just a person but to grow into your real self, growing towards that ultimate vision of yourself, the real you. Not the old you, because the old you had all those isms, the issues, the limiting beliefs, but growing towards the ultimate vision of yourself with all those wonderful supporting beliefs, positive beliefs, behaviours and emotions, where you're showing others the possibilities and exploring them yourself.

And as you see yourself growing in that way, notice the immediate changes in yourself, the benefits that you have, because you're aligned, congruent, learning, stretching, getting fitter in mind, body and spirit. Now begin to notice a moment, if you could see time and space around you, that ultimate vision of you. Notice as you bring your awareness wider and wider, begin to notice that ripple effect, how things are changing in not only your life, in those different areas of life, using your mind, body, spirit, your mental capacity, your stature, the way you hold yourself and hold yourself to your values.

Notice ripples coming away from the ultimate vision of you, the way you're working towards, and notice how they're changing, different areas of your life, because you can imagine that now, imagine how your career is changing, how your relationships are changing, those real personal relationships and the general social relationships, how life becomes more comfortable and is that foundation that you can push away from again, to grow even more, to affect even more. And maybe you can begin to see, feel and believe, my growth serves, that's it, my growth serves, it serves you, it serves others around you, it serves little old planet earth, because in this service, you're activating your contribution to the world, and that's in so many different forms, your life has now meaning, has meaning and purpose, you're finding your passions and your passions fueling your purpose, and your meaning fueling your passion. Life now has true meaning, and because of that, your motivation is always there, because you're now being pulled by having these wonderful values and living to them, understanding them.

And the thing is, without having the goal of leaving a legacy, that's what you're doing, you're making your mark on this little old planet earth, the people around you, in your neighborhood, maybe bigger than that, maybe it's just at home, it doesn't matter, you are making a difference, and it's a difference that becomes a difference, just let that sink in just for a little longer, that contribution, the meaning, the motivation, the values, leaving a natural legacy, because you are who you are, my growth serves, that's it, no more. And then with a wonderful deep breath, you can open your eyes, and we're back, isn't that good? You see, when we have that, and by the way, I'm even thinking about doing that as a hypnosis track, so we'll have two out of this, and you can come back to it and regenerate it if you need to, you know, reignite the energy within you, just to remind and remember. But we're moving now, you see, we're moving when we have this personal development, and we have it as a thing to do, because it's us.

Remember, my growth serves, and we're growing, it's now pulling, as opposed to being pushed, what other people think we should do. People tell you what you ought to do, or tell you what you shouldn't do. No, this is us, moving towards what we want, and we know what we want is good for us, good for others, and good for little old planet Earth.

Instead of, I have to, we go to, I want to, I have a desire, I want to do this, I get to do this, and it's no longer an obligation, is it? And it comes back to what I say, it's not the journey, it's an adventure, every part of it, it's that hero's journey becomes hero's adventure. Yeah, you'll come across a few things, but you'll be able to find the resources, processes, you'll find people, mentors, opportunities, and instead of calling it personal improvement, maybe we'll call it personal exploration. That's different, isn't it? So, I want to support you, I want to help pull you, I want to pull you up to your highest level, support you in your dreams, find anything I can to help you get to where you want to be, and then realise you can go even further, bigger, better, help you deal with the people who are going to throw stones at you, metaphorically that is, pull you back because they don't want to be left behind, but they're going to show them what's possible, you're going to bring them along, you're going to pull them along by doing what you do, and doing and being who you are, and you know, it's all about making this serious, but serious fun, have fun doing this bloody stuff, it's no bloody good just getting so deep and serious, no, let's enjoy the work.

I can remember times when I used to go to my early NLP practitioner lessons, you know, lectures and things like that to become a practitioner of NLP, and there were people there who were so bloody serious, they had to read everything, they were bloody boring, and they didn't do anything with it, they just kept getting too serious, get into curiosity, have some fun, and create this adventure, the adventure of you, we talked about writing your book, this is you writing the chapters of the future, and living them, now when you look back and you go, whoa, I've got all these people I want to dedicate this book to, my life to, for helping me, and I've also got wonderful memories of how I served. So here's the thing, I've got a couple of questions for you before we go. What did this bring up? What are you letting go of? What do you think you need to let go of? And if you can, write these buggers down, dictate them on your phone, do something, I don't want you to lose this, I want you to remember it.

So what are you, what are you letting go of? What do you need to let go of? What would you like to learn in order to get to where you want to be? What would you need to learn? Do you need to let go of something? What do we need to learn to get new stuff? Who are you becoming? Who do you want to become? And when you put that all together, when you've let go of what you don't want, and when you've learned what you need to learn, and that'll be constant, not constant, it'll be, it'll carry on forever. But when you really start living the life and becoming who you really are, who and what will that benefit? What will the benefits be? You see, when you change, you don't just change you, do you? No, you change the field around you, the energy field, the essence and energy of you just keeps spreading and spreading and spreading. So as you think about that, what do you need? What do you need that's important for you to go on this wonderful adventure of creating the real you, the you you're meant to be? You see, when you've written that down, I'd love to know what they are.

So I can help you find the resources you need, either resources in you, or the learnings that I can share with you, so you can grow. As I said, to support you in your dreams and goals and desires, to make sure you get them bigger, better, brighter and quicker. So you can do even more.

You see, email me those feedback at personaldevelopmentunplugged.com. And then we'll really know where we're going to focus our attention on. So you get what you need to get. And remember, this isn't something that you have to do, but the questions are.

It isn't what you have to do. It's what you get to do. You get to experience all of this and enjoy it.

Because we're going to make it fun. Fun adventure. So yeah, you do have to send those email to me with what you're letting go of, what you want to learn.

I want to know where you want to be, who you want to be and what you want to do. And when you do that, just it's like the emotions you want to experience. And how will you benefit? How will it change you? What will those effects you think will be? You know, that energy field around you.

There you go. Hopefully you really enjoyed that. I hope you do.

I enjoyed rabbiting away like this, because that's where we're going on the longer podcast. I'll be saying C's in the five minute quickie about these subjects. So keep your ears and eyes open.

And to do that, what do you do? You subscribe, press that subscribe button, or follow button or whatever it is. So you get these every bloomin week. Because everyone I think will have a golden nugget in for you.

Maybe not 100%. But there'll be things you'll either take on, or they'll go in for another day. Or it'll just be, ah, that's reminded me of what I already know, but I'm not maybe using.

I'm going to use it now. That's what it's all about. Lots to think about there, isn't it? Lots to think about who you're going to be and how your world will change.

And that's the bit that said no one tells you. They don't give you the hows. Most people don't.

They don't give you the hows. They just talk. And we're going to walk the walk.

Okay. So until next time, my friend, I'm your friend, Paul. And we'll get it together on the longer podcast and the five minute quickies which last 10 minutes now.

And we'll have loads of hypnosis and processes to add to everything we do. So have more fun than you can stand and write those bloody things down and send them to me. Okay, I'll see you next time.

Have fun doing all of this. And just think, what would it be like if you were to wander around today, and suddenly, and suddenly, feel happy for no reason? Oh, I wonder if your unconscious mind would do that for you now, or later, or sometime, but just do it today.

Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.

Personal development [self improvement] [self development] [NLP] [Hypnosis]

FMQ529 – The Big Why: Let's Refresh

Sometimes we just need to pause… and refresh.

Not another technique. Not another goal. Not another productivity hack.

Just a simple question:

Why are you doing this personal development thing anyway?

In this short FMQ episode I invite you to take a moment to review where you are on your personal development adventure.

Whether you're brand new to this work or you've been exploring it for years, a refresh is powerful. Looking at how far you've come, what you've learned, and where you truly want to go next.

Because personal development isn't just about fixing problems.

Yes, we resolve anxiety, panic, limiting beliefs and all those other "isms"… but it's also about learning new skills, developing competence, and becoming a better version of yourself.

And here's the difference many people miss:

Confidence without competence can fall apart. But competence naturally creates confidence.

The real key though is motivation.

When your why is clear, you stop pushing yourself forward… and instead feel pulled toward the life you want.

And that's what this episode seeds for the longer podcast episode — discovering something most people overlook in personal development:

The ripple effect.

So before the next episode, take a moment to reflect:

• What do you want to let go of?

• What do you want to learn?

• What do you want to achieve?

• And most importantly… why?

Bring that curiosity with you into the next episode and we'll unlock something powerful together.

Have more fun than you can stand.

It's time to fly and share https://personaldevelopmentunplugged.com/fmq529-the-big-why-lets-refresh/

But Before you do ➜ Continue the Journey

In this short FMQ episode we've refreshed one important question:

Why are you really doing personal development?

But there's something even more powerful most people never realise.

When you begin changing yourself, something unexpected starts to happen…

Your growth creates ripples.

In the next full episode of Personal Development Unplugged we explore:

• Why confidence without competence can sabotage progress • How hidden value clashes block motivation • A powerful process to align your "why" • And how your personal growth quietly influences everyone around you

If you want motivation that pulls you forward instead of pushing you…

Don't miss the next episode.

Shine Brightly 🌟

Paul

Hey there! I'd love to hear from you—questions, feedback, requests—all welcome. Drop me a line or leave a comment. If you've enjoyed this episode or any other, please share and subscribe! You can reach me at [email protected].

Subscribe to the Podcast

Ready to subscribe? Click here to explore your options. Or, if you're on Apple Music or iTunes, you can go straight to subscribe or leave a review here.

Special Programs for You

For tools on developing Supreme Inner Confidence, finding Freedom from Anxiety, or specialized Hypnosis Tracks, visit PaulCloughOnline.com.

Free Hypnosis Tracks

Want access to my FREE hypnosis tracks? Head over to paulcloughonline.com/podcast.

Connect with Me

Follow me on Twitter: @pcloughie

Remember: I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. This podcast and any of my online resources are for educational purposes only. Never use the hypnosis tracks or exercises if you're operating machinery, driving, or if you have epilepsy or psychiatric conditions. Always consult a healthcare provider if you're unsure.

Find Us on Other Platforms

Catch the podcast on Spotify, Castbox, iHeart Radio, YouTube, or on our Libsyn page.

Stay tuned, and keep shining brightly. ✨

Music Credits

Music by Wataboi from Pixabay, Music by DreamHeaven from Pixabay, Music by ccjmusic from Pixabay, Music by freegroove from Pixabay, Music by prazkhanal from Pixabay. Music by prazkhanal from Pixabay. Music by will |Marshall from will marshall.

And the transcript WARNING if you're a lover of the written word this may make you frustrated, or angry - you have been warned - is it an 'ism

FMQ529 The Big why Let's Refresh

Welcome to this shorter episode because I want to sow, as usual, a seed.

But it's a refresh. A refresh because I think we can all do with refreshing what we know or what we think or our aims and goals. Because it doesn't really matter whether you're a master of personal development, or been doing it a long time anyway, or brand new.

It really doesn't matter because every time, even just looking at what we've done and how far we've come along, we've achieved what we've achieved, what we've done. It's great to refresh, to review. To review what we've done, what we've achieved, or review where we're going.

But also just to know why are we doing this bloody thing? What are we doing it for? And there's something really, really special about personal development when you really get into it. And it's something that not a lot of people tell you about. And if you knew about it, you'd do it even more.

Are you going to tell me Cloughie? Yeah, I mean indeed, but not yet. Probably on the longer podcast. Well, I know I'm going to tell you on the longer podcast.

You see, some people see it as therapy. Personal development as therapy. And the longer episodes here at Personal Development Unplugged are very therapeutic.

I try to include at least one process within every longer podcast. So in some ways it is a therapy. But some of those processes are for a completely different aim, have a different aim.

They're for creating new skills, using new skills. I'll talk about that shortly. And you see, even the subtitle of this podcast, the Personal Development Unplugged podcast, if I could say it right, is anxiety to confidence.

Because that's where I want people to be able to go. And it's anyway how close you are to confidence and being the most confident person in the world. But that's not just confidence, it's competence.

It's another difference that people don't tell you. If you can be competent, then you will be confident in you. But if you just get confident about things, you could be wrong.

You were confident you could do that, and you crashed and burned. And that's not a good feeling. And it's only a sort of good-ish feeling if you learn from it.

But sometimes when we crash and burn, it sets us back, because we don't learn from it. And then that sets another pattern of negativity, as it were, negative beliefs. So what else? You see, some see personal development as a resolution, resolving trauma.

Yeah, and it is in some ways. Then you've got all those bloody isms. Yeah, isms.

You've got anxiety, you've got depression, you've got panic attacks, you've got FOMO, that being just insecure. You've got other emotions such as grief, sadness, anger. Now personal development, here anyway, is a way of letting those go.

They're here for a reason, by the way. And we learn from, because then we are developing ourselves. But there's the other side of it.

It's about learning new tools. Learning tools that we can develop ourselves, so we can strive to be the best person, the best edition, as it were, of ourselves, and keep going for that little bit more, that 1% more. Can I? Constant and never ending improvement.

But the thing is, when you do strive for more, and you push in that boundary, you're just going and stretching and stretching. Sometimes that can bring up emotions, negative beliefs. And that's where personal development unplug comes in again.

Because the more we push, sometimes we come across something and we need to resolve that. Then we have to set goals. And sometimes when we're setting our goals, we find sometimes we procrastinate.

Sometimes we get to a point, I just don't know what to do. Again, personal development brings in tools to allow you to let go of procrastination, get those positive beliefs, and start to find the patterns, the strategy for success, to become the ultimate vision of yourself, which you'll never actually be by the way, because it's ultimate. We're going to keep going for it.

But what we're going to do is enjoy this adventure. That's the thing other people don't tell you. It's like, it's a thing I have to do and I have to troll through it and push through it.

Now you get pulled through it. Pulled through it because there's a desire to be better. And the desire to enjoy this adventure, to have fun along the way.

It's not just that target, that goal in mind. No, it's every step along the way. If we can have fun every step of the way, creating changes in ourselves, what a wonderful thing.

But the thing is, it comes down to one thing. What's that one thing, Cluffy? I will tell you, I will tell you. It's your why.

Why do you want to improve yourself? And this could be in any genre. This could be in any area of your life. Because you may be cracking at me, you know, really doing it really well in one area of your life, but the other area, not so much.

But why do you want to do it? It's when we find our why. And sometimes there's some little bits of pulling us back in that why. There's a clash of values maybe.

I want to do this so much, but it means I have to neglect this so much. And I don't want to neglect that, but I really want that. Well, there's that clash of values that we come up with a process to allow you to achieve your goals.

But is that why? Once we find our why, we get total motivation. And that's why I say it's like being pulled towards the goal that you want for yourself. And the thing about all of this, and again, some people do hint at this.

There's one or two guys I really respect, and they are really pushing it. But a lot forget it's all about service. Because when you become the best version of yourself, you're showing other people, your friends, your colleagues, people just around you, what is possible and how much is possible.

Well, that's the limit of your imagination. And no one controls that. If you can imagine it, we can find a way to get it.

Unconscious mind never knows what's real or imagined. So when we can start to imagine it, limiting beliefs disappear. It becomes something that we think we've already done.

And that's part of the process we use here in Personal Development Unplugged. Getting your unconscious mind to go, yeah, I can do this. I can see the benefit of it.

I can see it is safe to do so. It's comfortable. Because that's where all these issues come in, by the way.

There's always a degree of your unconscious mind trying to keep you safe, but holding you back from things. There's a real clash when that happens. And when we can educate the unconscious mind that it's actually better for us to find these new ways.

You just, well, you change in leaps and bounds. And that's where I want to go. Because it's that one thing that people don't talk about what happens when you do.

And that's what we're going to talk about at the longer podcast. Okay, so be with me, come with me in the longer podcast, the next episode. And we're going to find about ripples.

Yeah, ripples. You have a little hint there. But I just want you to think over the next few days.

Where am I on this little adventure of personal development? What are the things I want to let go of? What are the things I want to learn? And what are the things I want to achieve? And then when you come with that in mind and curiosity, we'll be able to do stuff. And that'll really get you into that motivated state of mind, where then the longer podcasts and future will things will all just come together. Okay, so have fun, more fun than you can stand.

And I'll see you on the next longer episode to really crack this personal development lock. Okay. See you then it's time to fly.

Bye bye. So before you leave this unplugged mind of mine, this hypnotic mind. If you enjoyed this podcast, or any of the other podcasts, please do subscribe.

It helps this podcast grow and affect so many more people. And we love to leave everyone in a better place that we found them. And this will help help the podcast, it will help you and it will help everyone that you know.

So if you could just subscribe and share, share this podcast to everyone you know, that's the only cost, pay it forward to everyone. And when you do that, boom, we are all going to make a difference to this little old planet Earth of ours, and the people in it. Let's make a good world, a nice world.

Okay. Okay, you can now prepare to leave this unplugged mind. Warning, you are now leaving the unplugged mind of Paul Clough.

It's time to fly. Be brave, my friend. Personal Development Unplugged

Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited

Personal development [self improvement] [self development] [NLP] [Hypnosis]

Don't Blame Your Parents Or Anyone Else *]:pointer-events-auto scroll-mt-[calc(var(--header-height)+min(200px,max(70px,20svh)))]" dir="auto" tabindex="-1" data-turn-id= "request-68429ab0-d338-800c-96c4-a023c498401f-1" data-testid= "conversation-turn-461" data-scroll-anchor="true" data-turn= "assistant">

Who are you blaming?

The weather? The economy? Your ex-boss? Your trauma? Your parents?

In this deeper dive from the FMQ seed "Who or What Is to Blame?", I take you through something powerful:

Blame feels like a reason… but it's actually an excuse.

And here's the uncomfortable truth:

If you stop blaming… what happens to your story?

In this episode, I walk you through two simple but life-shifting processes to help you:

• Let go of resentment and emotional baggage

• Reclaim your personal power

• Release blame without denying what happened

• Stop living at the "effect" side of life

• Move back to cause — where choice lives

We're not denying the past. We're learning from it.

And when you learn… you're free.

What We Explore

• Why blame keeps you stuck in victimhood

• The hidden fear behind letting go of your story

• The shift from "This happened to me" to "This shaped me"

• How empowerment feels safer than excuse-making

• Why your parents were doing the best they could

• How to stop dragging emotional baggage through life

Process #1 – Letting Go of Someone You Blame

A short but powerful visualisation to:

• Thank the person for the lessons

• Recognise the connection between you

• Cut the emotional cord

• Dissolve resentment

• Reclaim your personal power

This works for:

• Ex-partners

• Parents

• Former bosses

• Friends

• Anyone you still feel "connected" to emotionally

You neutralise the emotional residue… without denying what happened.

Process #2 – Releasing Blame Toward Your Parents

This one is beautiful.

You visualise your parent as a tiny innocent child.

Before the beliefs. Before the limitations. Before the behaviours.

You see them as they truly began — just like you.

And something shifts.

Blame dissolves. Understanding appears. Compassion grows. Empowerment returns.

Because now you realise:

They were doing the best they could with the resources they had.

And now…

You get to choose differently.

The Core Shift

Instead of:

"This happened to me."

You say:

"This happened. I learned. And now I choose."

That's the difference between living at effect and living at cause.

Blame keeps you small. Learning makes you powerful. Responsibility gives you freedom.

And here's the kicker…

If you let go of blame, you don't lose your story.

You gain your future.

In This Episode You'll Discover

• Why blame feels protective (but drains your energy)

• The emotional cost of carrying resentment

• How to release anger without suppressing it

• Why compassion doesn't mean approval

• The difference between remembering and reliving

• How empowerment naturally replaces excuse-making

Key Takeaway

You are not defined by what happened.

You are defined by what you decide now.

And once the emotional charge dissolves… clarity appears. Confidence grows. Choice returns.

No more dragging the past around like a suitcase full of bricks.

Just freedom.

If This Resonated…

Share this episode with someone who:

• Blames their past

• Blames their parents

• Blames their boss

• Blames themselves

Sometimes the people who need it most are the quiet ones holding it all in.

Call to Action

If you enjoyed this episode:

• Subscribe or follow the podcast

• Leave a review

• Share it with someone you care about https://personaldevelopmentunplugged.com/477-dont-blame-your-parents-or-anyone-else

• And visit the free hypnosis page to deepen the change

Because this isn't about blame.

It's about reclaiming your life.

Shine Brightly 🌟

Paul

Hey there! I'd love to hear from you—questions, feedback, requests—all welcome. Drop me a line or leave a comment. If you've enjoyed this episode or any other, please share and subscribe! You can reach me at [email protected].

Subscribe to the Podcast

Ready to subscribe? Click here to explore your options. Or, if you're on Apple Music or iTunes, you can go straight to subscribe or leave a review here.

Special Programs for You

For tools on developing Supreme Inner Confidence, finding Freedom from Anxiety, or specialized Hypnosis Tracks, visit PaulCloughOnline.com.

Free Hypnosis Tracks

Want access to my FREE hypnosis tracks? Head over to paulcloughonline.com/podcast.

Connect with Me

Follow me on Twitter: @pcloughie

Remember: I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. This podcast and any of my online resources are for educational purposes only. Never use the hypnosis tracks or exercises if you're operating machinery, driving, or if you have epilepsy or psychiatric conditions. Always consult a healthcare provider if you're unsure.

Find Us on Other Platforms

Catch the podcast on Spotify, Castbox, iHeart Radio, YouTube, or on our Libsyn page.

Stay tuned, and keep shining brightly. ✨

Music Credits

Music by Wataboi from Pixabay, Music by DreamHeaven from Pixabay, Music by ccjmusic from Pixabay, Music by freegroove from Pixabay, Music by prazkhanal from Pixabay. Music by prazkhanal from Pixabay. Music by will |Marshall from will marshall.

And the transcript WARNING if you're a lover of the written word this may make you frustrated, or angry - you have been warned - is it an 'ism

#477 Don't Blame Your Parents Or Anyone Else

. So we're back with the longer deeper dive from the FMQ. Who or what is to blame for your failure? Do you remember that one? Remember those excuses? The excuses? Oh, it was the weather.

Look, I can't do it because the weather's not right. I have to wait for the summer. I have to wait for the winter.

The economics, well, you know, it's not quite right at the moment. You know? Or, well, if it wasn't for them, because they didn't accept me, they didn't support me, you know, and then we get that belief, which is, I'm not good enough. I don't belong here.

It's just all excuses, isn't it? Well, we think they're reasons, don't we? We think they're reasons, bloody good reasons why we haven't succeeded. This is blame, isn't it? We're blaming somebody else or something else. Maybe we're, we're blaming, well, that trauma I experienced when I was younger.

That's given me all these other isms. Because you get isms, don't you? Everyone has an ism these days. And they, I'm sure they were about a long time ago, but it didn't seem to be an excuse then.

People got on. They dealt with things. They took responsibility.

We'll go there later. We even blame our parents, don't we? They didn't support me. They didn't guide me.

They weren't there for me. I've even got a thing that I used to blame. It was an ex-boss of mine.

And he was a mentor. He was a superb guy when I was a fledgling in my first career. And he supported me.

He did everything for me. Until one day. Until one day, he didn't.

And he did it quite publicly. And to the point where I had to leave that company. And he didn't bat an eyelid.

So I thought, anyway, so I thought, in my mind, God, why did you do that? I needed your help. I could have stayed. I could have done something if you'd have been there.

So it's your fault. And I harboured that resentment. Because I lost a bit of confidence.

I lost a lot of confidence. And I thought, you're to blame. I never used to be like that.

Now I am. That's gone, by the way. Because I did some work.

We did one of the processes, and I did promise you two. Two processes, and that's what you're going to get today, in this episode. And one of the processes is to let go of that connection with somebody.

Somebody who you're blaming, or you feel is to blame. Or you use an excuse to blame. I did for a little while.

And then I did this particular process we're going to do. And if I met him now, it would be cool. I'd be okay.

And he'd be okay. And you see, it's all about, are we living at the effect side of life? Because it's cause and effect. And each one I've told you is an effect.

We're giving what we think are reasons, and in fact, they're excuses. Now we have a real issue here. You see, one of the questions just below the conscious level is maybe the question that you don't like to answer.

And what is it? Well, if I stop blaming dot dot dot dot dot, what happens to my story? You know, what happens? Because it's a story I've been telling myself for so long. And if that goes, I'll tell you. We're going to go through the answers, but I'll tell you, you're going to feel absolutely brilliant when it goes.

Your story will be your true story. The real you, the empowered you, because that's where we're going. Empowerment, which seems really grand, but it is when it feels that good.

So at the moment, if you feel like this, it's like it happened to me. This happened to me. It's a story I'm telling again.

They did this. Another story we're telling. Because of X, I can't do that.

Cause and effect. They're all causes, aren't they? And effect. But the real thing is, you're not a victim.

You're not. And that's victimhood, if that's a word. We're just sitting in that victim little mentality and blaming the past, blaming the people, blaming everything.

It's all because, because, because, because. And we're going to change that. There will be a shift.

Now this is a covert bit, but I'm going to tell you it because it's now overt. This is a shift I want to make. I want you to be able to say, this happened to me.

It did happen. Past tense. But I learnt.

And I've learnt this. And this is how I'm using it. I want you to be able to say, that shaped me to the person I am now.

It doesn't define me. I define me. I do that.

I've got my dreams, my goals, my values. I have my positive, supportive beliefs. I define me.

But I learn from the past. I learn from my experiences. I create me.

I build me. And at the bottom of that is, I choose. I choose how I want to be.

I choose the steps I make. I choose my opportunities. I create them.

Massive shift there. But all it takes is a little, little bit of refinement. That's it.

Now, we said two processes. I'm just letting that sink in just a little bit. Because consciously, you might be thinking about it.

But unconsciously, that's going in. Unconsciously, it's being seen as, oh, that's so much more powerful. Oh, that's so much more safer than living on the effect, the victim side.

When we take control. When we access all the resources we've got. All the learnings we've got.

We become safe. Because if you think about it, every excuse you give doesn't feel safe, does it? Because just one little thing. If you're blaming other people for where you are now, you're accepting that you have to wait for them to change before you can change.

That's bollocks. We acknowledge it. We acknowledge it happened.

We're learning from it. It shaped me. But now I get to do this, because I've learned.

So what did I do with that old boss of mine? A little process. And it worked so wonderfully well. And you can do it too.

You can do it too. And you can do it with me now, because we're going to do it now. So you don't have to do this eyes closed.

When I did it with him, and I also did it with a, I did this, I do it a number of times, but two examples. One, I did it with him because he was dragging me down. And I did it with a real good friend of mine.

And we were in business together. And I was going to change my direction in the business. And I didn't think we could let go of each other.

So we allowed, or I allowed this process to let go of him and send him on his way, safe and sound. So it can be done for, call it for the good, and letting go of the heaviness and the stuff that you want to let go. So it's a wonderful process.

It's not just for the negativity or negative side of your life. It can be done for positive. It's a great process.

And what I did was, now, I'll explain it first, and then we'll do it together, if it's okay. So you might want to find a place where you can be, or will be undisturbed. So you can close your eyes, you don't have to on this one, because it's just, it's like a visualisation and imagining somebody in front of you.

And as you imagine them in front of you, you'll notice how you're connected. Some people see it as a beam of light. Some people see it as a little thread.

Some people see it as like an umbilical cord. I see it differently for both of those. For the guy I was letting go to do his own thing and me to do my own thing, I saw quite a few different connections, like little beam of lights coming from my body to his in different places.

For the other one, the one, the ex-boss, I wanted to let go of that resentment, that hurt, that blame. I just saw a little thread. I've been dragging him around.

So here's what I want you to do. Find that safe place. Find that safe place where you'll be undisturbed for only about three or four minutes.

If you have to wait, pause, pause this and then get into that place. But just anywhere will do. If you want to close your eyes, you can.

You can do it sitting down or standing up. I didn't mind standing up because I just, for me, that's the way I like to do it. But anywhere is perfect for you.

And then I want you to imagine that person standing in front of you, maybe a couple of meters away, just in front of you. And there they are. If you want, you can pass on a thanks for the good things, things that you respected.

For the boss, there were things he did for me when he was my mentor and I thanked him. I had so much gratitude for the opportunity he gave me and how he taught. Similarly to my colleague, of the way we worked, the way he supported me, gave me opportunity.

And I thank them both. But we're doing one person at a time. And as you do that, just imagine or bring to mind, how you see that connection with them.

Is it little beams of light coming from your body to theirs? Is it a very thin, like gossamer steel thread? Maybe it's a rope, maybe it's an umbilical cord. Whatever it is, it's fine. Just imagine seeing yourself connected to you, to them and giving that thanks.

You can maybe just begin to feel. If it's a negative emotion beginning to disappear, dissolve. You know, we're neutralizing that resentment and reclaiming our personal power.

If it's with somebody that you're just letting go in your life and think of like a past partner, you can just thank them and then feel that personal power coming back. Just notice everything and you maybe just ask yourself, for your unconscious mind to ask itself, what did I, what can I learn from this connection to make me stronger? And one thing we could just realize, that everyone is doing the best they can with the resources they can access right now. They're not their behaviors, that's not the person.

Because behind every positive, every behavior is a positive intention. They're doing the best they can for themselves with the resources that they're being able to access at the moment. Maybe they were suffering from anxiety, depression, you don't know.

Maybe there was problems elsewhere that you didn't know about. They were doing the best they can, they're not their behaviors. So maybe as that slips into your unconscious mind as another resource, you can just thank them for the lessons learned.

And as you do that, imagine in your hand is like a metaphorical knife, some people think of it as a sword or maybe just a pair of scissors and just cut that cord or dim those lights and turn them off and allow them to disappear into the past where they belong. That's right. Dissolving all the emotional residue.

Letting it go. Knowing that in the future if you met them again you would meet them clean with this inner power, this inner strength and all the learnings. Because you'd be in charge of you.

And when you've done that, take a wonderful deep breath and open your eyes and come back to me and notice how you feel. Notice how you feel. For me it was really weird.

I seemed with my boss to understand what he was going through even though I didn't really know consciously. But I could imagine things I'd forgotten because that blame, that resentment was in the forefront of my mind and as soon as that peeled away, disappeared like a fog just blowing away, I could see clearly. I felt I could see clearly and that was so good.

With my colleague who I was letting go to continue his business while I did a different business, this type of stuff, I felt a lightness. A lightness that it was okay. It was like giving myself permission to do the things that I wanted to do.

I wasn't being held back and it was okay. It was okay. I was on another step of my adventure, my journey.

I don't like the word journey but it was my adventure to a new life, a new part of my life, another step in another part, another chapter of my book as it were, my own personal book of my life. So just let that sink in and sometimes you can maybe let it go for a day or two and then just notice how you feel the next day. Just check in.

When you bring that person to mind, just bring them to mind and picture in your mind and go, how do I feel now? Ah okay and then you can just let it go. So there's that one. It's a lovely little process and you can, because it's so simple and in simplicity, there's genius.

If you wanted to you could spend a little longer doing it but quite honestly you don't need to. It's really just recognising, acknowledging, thanking, getting your unconscious mind to learn and then letting go. But you can replay that whenever you want and what I'll probably be doing is I'll be doing this as a separate track for my hypnosis page.

So it'll be complimentary hypnosis where you can spend a bit longer and go into a deeper state if that's what you feel like. If you feel you need that deeper state and you get that deeper unconscious knowing, then I'll be doing that I think. But I'll let you know.

But you don't need it if you don't need it but if you do, I think it'll be available. So there you go, that was process number one. So what's process number two Cloughie, you might say? Well, it's our parents isn't it? Sometimes we blame our parents and we blame them for the expectations we had as a child I think.

That was for me. I had what I thought was the dream that I wanted to do and I didn't feel supported. I didn't feel that I was given the right advice.

In fact I feel, I feel, I can't remember specifically but I felt I was told you'll never make it. It's too difficult. Don't do that.

Go for the safe and the steady. Now I can understand that now. I can understand why that advice was particular to them because I've given that type of advice to my children and I'm thinking oh really Cloughie? Can I add to it now? And that's what I do.

I give them two sides of the of this of what I think might be the story they they need to take and then they can develop it and they do. But sometimes you know we think of our family members that are not supporting us you know maybe we've inherited their narratives. their beliefs, their unmet expectations, because sometimes parents like to live through their children, don't they? And sometimes we take all of that on as an identity. And when you think about it, that was your parents doing the best they could with the resources they could access. They were doing the best they could with their connections to their parents, your grandparents, and even their going back and back.

Where did those beliefs come from? Generations ago, they've all been just evolved a little bit, but sometimes those were different circumstances in the world. That belief supported them back then, but now it's not yours. But you took it on as a sponge.

So you're responsible in some ways, even though you were a tiny little child. You took it on as a sponge because you just loved your parents. They were the only people that you would take that information from uncritically, because that's what we were when we were that young.

But even as we grew older a little bit, they were doing the best they can. That was not their behaviour. Who they were as an identity level was not their behaviour.

That's the bit you saw. They were always doing the best they can with a wonderful positive intention, but sometimes it wasn't right for you. So how are we going to let go of that? How are we going to let go of that? Now, you might need a tissue.

I've done this a couple of times and we needed tissues, but you don't necessarily need them. It's not bad tissues. It's just tears of joy normally.

Tears of joy. All we're going to do is visualise parents individually. Again, maybe there's a certain parent that you attribute a little bit more blame, unsupportiveness, wasn't there for you maybe, and you hold that at the unconscious level maybe, or you wish it was different.

So pick that one. And here's what we're going to do. I want you to again, find a safe space, a place where you'll be undisturbed.

And it's adding on again. Take three, four, five minutes. And again, you can do it standing, sitting, lying, you can do this one in any position you like.

So all I want you to do is take a deep breath. And as you let it go, maybe allow your eyes to close because this one you can really focus in on now. Because this isn't about letting go.

It's about noticing, noticing something special. So as you breathe gently and easily, you can feel yourself getting more and more comfortable. And as you become more and more comfortable with every breath, just imagine in front of you and below you, just over there, a stage, a little stage in front of you and below you.

And on that stage, in a moment, we're going to have that parent come onto that stage. But not as they are now, not as they are in your mind, your memories maybe. But I want you to see them in a moment as a two year old, maybe even younger, no more than two year old, maybe a one year old, maybe as a little baby.

So imagine now inviting them to come onto that stage over there below you and in front of you. As a child, an innocent child, that's who they are. Innocent, waiting to learn from the world just as you were.

Waiting with all those wonderful expectations that they weren't really aware of, the whole life ahead of them, full of just love. Accepting love, giving love, pure innocence. And see that for, or see them for what they were then.

Just an innocent little child, waiting to go on their adventure, to go through their experiences, to form their own beliefs, whatever they are there. They're just waiting for it to happen now. And just notice that how you feel for them now, at that age.

Pure love, pure innocence. No expectations now. No blame.

How can you blame an innocent child? And allow that to go deep into your unconscious mind. Because that's a memory. It isn't yours.

It's theirs. But we all started this way. And in some ways, we, well, we chose our own path.

Doing the best we can, with the resources available to us. Sometimes experiences were not dumped on, but had to be gone through. Because that was their past and their future.

Doing the best they can, learning as best they can. Maybe they didn't have the opportunities as they grew up, as you have now, to be able to learn through processes like this. And maybe you can now feel this connection with them.

The innocence, the love. And maybe just ask yourself, I wonder what I can learn from this. And how can I use that learnings in the future? To grow.

To be me. To choose my life. Knowing this.

Because they had their own limitations. But that's not you. And you have all the resources that you need to create the life that you want.

That is here for you. That you deserve. And you deserve even more than you can imagine.

Because whatever you think you are, you're more. And when you think of that, you're even more than that too. So maybe you can just look to the future.

And wonder what new opportunities will come to you now. With this new learning. With this new perspective.

What would a wise mentor tell you now of how you can use this and create the life you want? How will it empower you? And just let that settle in for a moment. Maybe consciously it's a blank. Maybe consciously you're getting a picture.

A word, a feeling, an emotion. But just send your thanks to that beautiful child over there. And as you send your thanks and gratitude.

Acknowledging all they ever did and went through. Allow them to disappear. Into wherever they need to go.

Wishing them well. Sending them love. And just for a moment.

Just be you. Where is your centre? Where is your centre? Put your mind into your centre. Of who you really are.

And maybe you can now connect to that wonderful positive belief about you. I get to do this. I get to choose.

I deserve this. I'm going to make it happen. And then with a wonderful, wonderful in-breath.

Open your eyes. And we're back where we want to be. Now, when you're back.

When you are back. You can maybe want to take a moment or two. Maybe a little bit later when you've got some quiet time, you might make a few notes of what your intuitions are.

Maybe you can think about, well, what did you need back then that you didn't get? What didn't you get? Maybe you didn't get the support. Maybe you didn't get quite the love you wanted. Maybe you didn't get X, Y, Z. You fill in the blank.

And say to yourself, I give that to me now. I give me love. I give me support.

I give me whatever I need. Because you're now you. The real you.

The you that makes decisions. The you that wants to create the life you dream of, you desire, you want. And now you can.

And I suggest putting all this on paper. What now comes to mind of new opportunities, new dreams, new goals? Because now you are clearer and take the opportunity to really quickly as this all integrates and you then access all the stuff that's going on and be able to act upon it. Create your plans, your goals, your dreams, knowing that you're freer, you're lighter, you're not dragging around stuff.

You're no longer blaming because you're empowered. You're back at cause. I get to do this.

I get to decide. It's me, no bugger else. I can learn what I need to learn.

I've got a lot of learnings, a lot of resources, but I can also learn more. I can find more resources. I can find mentors.

I can find help through podcasts like this, films, books, so many resources available to you. You can do whatever you like, as long as you know the direction you want to go. Maybe you don't know exactly what you want as in a 20-20 vision goal, but if you can get that feeling, the feeling that you'd want to achieve when you're really succeeding in the way that you want to succeed, whatever success is for you, your dreams, your goals, how you want to be.

Get that feeling and I believe you'll begin to see the opportunities which will give you that. You'll begin to have opportunities to learn the things that will allow you to get there quicker, faster, bigger, brighter. And if you can bring other people along with you, absolutely fucking awesome.

Mental people share what you've learned and you can do that in so many different ways. You can say this is what I learned. Tell them as a story.

Give them advice if they need it. Advice given is this is what I do is better than this is what you should do. This is how I have done it in the past.

Give them examples of the story. Be that living example of what's possible. Be the you that you want to see in the world.

Selfless service. So when you do that and you expect nothing in return, guess what? You get a dump load of bloody good stuff. The law of reciprocation.

That's what happens. It's awesome. All for doing the good stuff and really striving to fulfill being the real you.

That version of you. That ultimate vision of you. Striving to get there.

It'll always change by the way because it always gets a little bit further away because you're getting closer and it wants to get even better. So it's a wonderful adventure and journal it. Journal your results, your thoughts and you'll be absolutely amazed of the progress.

So when you look back and you go last month I did this. Oh a year ago. Bloody hell.

You'll realise how far you've come because you never realise it at the time. But you look back over a few months, six months, a year and you can go wow I can't realise. I never knew how far I've come.

And then you can look to the future and then start making even more plans. And some of those plans will maybe give you a little bit of a ooh. And that's what I want to hear from you.

I want to hear the things that give you that little ah. Because then if you let me know what they are, we can come up with wonderful simple little processes like these to allow you to get even further. Because you've got all the wherewithal that you need.

Sometimes we just need a little bit of guidance and that's all it is. You drive the bus but sometimes you need a little sat nav to make sure you go around the obstacles. Yeah.

Have a think. How do you get in touch? Feedback at personaldevelopmentunplugged.com That's the email address. It's the only bugger here.

Everything is confidential. You get a personal reply. But also if we talk about it on the podcast as you've seen, no one has ever been mentioned here.

By name. Because it's all about how can we share and how can we learn even more. And talking about sharing, please share this to anybody.

Anybody that you know that just may be, you know, maybe dragging something emotionally, negatively emotional with them. It's all baggage. They call it, you know, I've got my baggage.

Yeah, we'll put it down and walk away. Once you've learned from it. So do that.

Press subscribe. So you get those seeded, I call them seeded FMQs now. The FMQ that seeds into the longer, longer podcast.

Get you to think about something. And then when we come here, you're already there without even noticing or knowing that you're ready to go. We've sown the seed and then we're going to water it and nurture it and move on.

So please share. Have more fun than you can ever, ever imagine. And sometimes you can be surprised.

Surprised, yeah. By feeling happy for no reason. And when you do, you go, Cloughie, you got me.

You go fly, my friend. Warning. You are now leaving the unplugged mind of Paul Clough.

It's time to fly. Be brave, my friend. Personal Development Unplugged.

Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.

Personal development [self improvement] [self development] [NLP] [Hypnosis]

Who or What Is To Blame For Your Failure

What are you blaming right now?

The weather? The economy? Your lack of time? Your past? Your boss? Your parents?

In this Five Minute Quickie (that's never quite five minutes 😄), I'm planting a seed that might feel a little uncomfortable…

Because blame feels justified.

It feels intelligent. It feels protective. It even feels responsible sometimes.

But what if it's actually costing you your power?

In this episode I begin to unpack:

• The hidden cost of living at the effect side of life

• Why excuses can feel like safety

• How trauma (big T or little t) can become an identity

• Why dragging the past forward drains your energy

• And how learning — not reliving — is the real shift

This isn't about dismissing your experience. It's about transforming it.

In the longer episode, we'll go deep into:

• Letting go of blame (without diving back into trauma)

• Releasing anger, guilt, disappointment and resentment

• Healing the "parent story"

• Clearing unresolved emotional ties

• Moving fully to the cause side of life

Because when you stop blaming…

You start choosing.

And when you start choosing?

Everything changes.

The Seed Question

If nothing outside you was to blame…

What would you do next?

If this hits home, share it with someone who might be quietly carrying resentment or excuses around like heavy luggage.

https://personaldevelopmentunplugged.com/fmq528-who-or-what-is-to-blame-for-your-failure

And make sure you join me for the deeper dive — because we're not analysing the past…

We're releasing it.

Subscribe, follow, and visit the free hypnosis page at personaldevelopmentunplugged.com.

More fun than you can stand. Wallow in pleasure.

Shine Brightly 🌟

Paul

Hey there! I'd love to hear from you—questions, feedback, requests—all welcome. Drop me a line or leave a comment. If you've enjoyed this episode or any other, please share and subscribe! You can reach me at [email protected].

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Remember: I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. This podcast and any of my online resources are for educational purposes only. Never use the hypnosis tracks or exercises if you're operating machinery, driving, or if you have epilepsy or psychiatric conditions. Always consult a healthcare provider if you're unsure.

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Music Credits

Music by Wataboi from Pixabay, Music by DreamHeaven from Pixabay, Music by ccjmusic from Pixabay, Music by freegroove from Pixabay, Music by prazkhanal from Pixabay. Music by prazkhanal from Pixabay. Music by will |Marshall from will marshall.

And the transcript WARNING if you're a lover of the written word this may make you frustrated, or angry - you have been warned - is it an 'ism

Welcome to the seed of a longer podcast, the FMQ, the five minute quickie that lasts even longer now, and gives you hopefully something to think about, something to ponder, digest, let it germinate and do whatever it does, so when you come to the longer podcast, boom, we can go even deeper and make some wonderful changes in our life. And this one's called, and I'm not quite sure what it's called actually, it's either Who Do You Blame? or Who or What's to Blame? You see, some people like to blame the weather for the things they can't do.

Some people like to blame the economic environment. Some people like to blame, well, time, I haven't got enough time. And that's just a fact, isn't it? Living at the effect side of life.

And they're all wonderful reasons, aren't they? Are they balls? They're not reasons. They're not reasons at all. They're bloody excuses.

And we're going to dive deeply into that on the longer podcast. But we're also going to dive into something I think is even more important. Because everyone talks about cause and effect, living at the cause side, or living at the effect, living at the effect with all those excuses, or coming back to cause and becoming empowered.

And we do that here. Because I believe in that 100%. Once you start living at the cause side of life, you take control.

Everything is your responsibility. And with that comes all the glory. And the glory is just living the life you want to choose because you chose it, and you did it.

But then again, what else can you blame? Well, we've all suffered trauma, haven't we? Some with a capital T, and some with a little t. I think I've maybe had a little t when I was younger, a big T in the middle. And now I don't know what the bloody hell I've got. And maybe you think you haven't had any trauma.

Maybe you think you know that you've got trauma in your life, and you're still blaming it for what's happening into your life right now. And if I hadn't suffered it back then, and if those people hadn't been there back then, well, that's something we can really dive into to let go. Because it's draining.

Drains all your energy dragging that crap around. But if you might think, well, actually, I don't think I've got any trauma in my life. Well, I think if that's the case, you created strategies to cope and also have the learnings from it.

You've learned from it. So that trauma no longer exists in your life. It might be a distant memory.

It was bad back then. But because you've learned it, it's in the past, past tense. And if you have, if I had a hat, which I haven't, I'd take it off you.

And I'll go, awesome. I'd doff my cap to you. Because this is still going to apply to you, it is.

You see, you might not have or can remember trauma, but you might have people that you blame. Blame for the things that didn't happen in your life. And now you're here.

I mean, we're going to dive into in the longer podcast, who we blame. And why, what it costs us and what it wasn't and what it is. See, I have an example in my life when an ex-boss of mine, he let me down more than 100%.

If you can get more than 100%, that's what he did. And he did it in front of other people. And he was my mentor.

He did such good things for me. And then he did something which was terrible to me. But now, I can, I know if I met him, he might be dead by now.

But if I did meet him, or if I knew when I did the work on myself, if I were going to meet him, I'd have been fine. I'd have been fine. I'd have started again.

Because I'd have understood something. And it's understanding and learning, which then allows you to take responsibility for what you're doing now, and allows you to let go of that and be freer. No more reasons, which are bloody excuses.

You see, that's where I want to go. And there's the other thing. Now these all might hit a bell, but the other one is, it's my bloody parents, my mum, my dad, or mother and father.

I don't know, I call them my mum and my dad. You know, back then when we were little, little boys and girls, did they protect us from that thing? Did they encourage us? Or did they discourage us? Way back then. Now, did they do the things they should have done? They could have done? Well, maybe they didn't.

What else didn't they do? Come on, fill in the blank. It's your experience, your thoughts, your limiting belief. It's a belief anyway.

I don't think it's that supportive. But hey, they're the things we're going to be letting go in the longer podcast. We'll be diving to all of that and developing and creating a lovely process.

In fact, I think there might be two, I'm not sure. I like to do two, but there's definitely going to be one. Well, there is, I know now.

There's going to be two wonderful processes. One about our parent thing and one about letting go of other people. And you see, in that way, we let go of blame, anger, sadness, guilt, everything, emotion, disappointment, anything, because we can be at peace.

And once we're at peace with it, and we've learnt from it, and we've had that experience in our life, we can grow from it. If you think of every person who's a thought lead and all that, they've all had shit lives right at the very beginning. I think some of them might have made it up though.

But we do grow from the traumas, big T, little T, once we've learnt from, and they give us opportunities. And maybe we'll just sit and learn how to then create the life we want, because we won't have excuses, we won't have reasons, but we'll have empowerment. We'll have responsibility.

But with that responsibility, we'll have the resources, because that effect, the emotions, limiting beliefs caused by our blame, has been holding us, holding us back, giving us all sorts of visions, visualisations, chatting in our head, why we can't do it, and all this stuff. Once we get that out of the way, the positive self-talk comes in, I got this, good day, I get to do this. And we start to plan because we can, we think we're, and we know, we have that opportunity, and we can grasp it.

We're not going to be dragging around that old crap. It's there to let go now. So if you're ready for that, I think you are.

You wouldn't be listening if you weren't. And if you know of somebody who you know is blaming other things, blaming everything, blaming themselves, then share this with them, please. Because on this deeper dive to come, the longer podcast, the hashtag podcast, I think it's very simple, by the way, and it's not traumatic.

Don't worry about that. We're not going to delve into the trauma and all that rubbish, because we're going to let it go and let it go. You don't have to dive into it, let your unconscious mind learn.

Just let go of all the things we're dragging around with us that we've been blaming, the people, the things, the trauma, maybe our parents. But please share that with someone you think might be secretly, sometimes they're secretly keeping it inside. But we know, we know by watching their non-verbals, their body language, as it were, the tone of voice, when something, oh, you can just see that little trigger, or maybe they're, you know, they're putting off things.

And behind that is generally that thing that we're holding on to that we don't need to. And blame is a, is a crazy thing. Sometimes it makes us feel bad, doesn't it, in the short term.

But hey, I would rather be encouraging myself, celebrating myself, of what's possible and the things I am doing and I'm going to do. So if that enthused you, like it's enthusing me, I'll see you on the longer podcast, and we're going to have fun letting go and creating the life we deserve. Okay, I'll see you then.

Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited

Personal development [self improvement] [self development] [NLP] [Hypnosis]

Empathy - A Way That Works Without The Pain

In the FMQ527 I said something that probably made you blink.

Empathy sucks.

And I meant it.

Not because caring is wrong. Not because helping people is wrong. Not because being sensitive is wrong.

But because absorbing other people's pain is not helping them — and it's definitely not helping you.

In this deeper dive, I show you:

• Why emotional dumping drains you

• Why empathy often becomes a hiding strategy

• The crucial difference between empathy and compassion

• How to stay grounded when people offload on you

• And how to become truly empathetic… with yourself

Because here's the truth:

If you feel everyone else's pain, you'll drown.

If you stay grounded and compassionate, you can actually help.

And the real work? It starts with self-empathy.

What We Explore 1️⃣ Why Empathy Can Be Harmful

• Emotional dumping and energy drain

• Why taking on others' pain doesn't serve them

• How empathy can become a badge of honour

• How it can also become unconscious avoidance of your own emotions

2️⃣ The Shift: Empathy ➜ Compassion

Empathy = I feel your pain.

Compassion = I recognise your pain — and I can support you without absorbing it.

Compassion allows you to:

• Stay grounded

• Sustain your energy

• Think clearly

• Offer real support

• Stay emotionally stable

It's the difference between drowning with someone… or throwing them a rope.

3️⃣ Process One – Sitting With Your Emotion

Instead of pushing emotions away:

• Sit with the feeling

• Acknowledge it

• Ask:

  • What are you trying to do for me?

  • What are you protecting me from?

  • What are you trying to teach me?

Every emotion has a positive intention.

When you learn the lesson — the emotion doesn't need to shout anymore.

4️⃣ Process Two – Compassion Without Merging (Visualisation)

I guide you through:

• Grounding yourself

• Breathing deliberately

• Creating a subtle protective boundary

• Supporting someone without absorbing their pain

You remain:

• Present

• Steady

• Caring

• Strong

And when you walk away? You're still yourself.

5️⃣ Process Three – Deep Self-Empathy Installation

This is the powerful one.

You:

• Place the emotion in front of you

• Speak to it with curiosity

• Thank it

• Discover its intention

• Ask what it needs

• Create a better strategy for that intention

• Future pace the change

You keep the intention. You release the pain.

That's self-empathy.

The Core Takeaway

Before you help anyone else…

Check in with yourself.

Am I grounded? Am I breathing? Am I compassionate? Or am I merging and hiding?

One emotion. One learning. Then it can let go.

That's how you help yourself. That's how you genuinely help others.

And that's how empathy finally works.

Key Quotes From This Episode

"Empathy absorbs. Compassion supports."

"Every emotion has a positive intention."

"Learn the lesson — and the emotion doesn't need to stay."

"Help yourself first. Then you're truly available to others."

If This Resonated…

Subscribe so you don't miss the next FMQ seed and deeper dive.

Share this with someone who:

• Is emotionally drained

• Always takes on other people's pain

• Or thinks empathy is the only way to care

https://personaldevelopmentunplugged.com/476-empathy-a-way-that-works-without-the-pain

and don't forget the video https://youtu.be/8iAcW58QreE

Let's move from drowning together… to lifting each other properly.

Shine Brightly 🌟

Paul

Hey there! I'd love to hear from you—questions, feedback, requests—all welcome. Drop me a line or leave a comment. If you've enjoyed this episode or any other, please share and subscribe! You can reach me at [email protected].

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And the transcript WARNING if you're a lover of the written word this may make you frustrated, or angry - you have been warned - is it an 'ism

#476 empathy - a way that works without the pain

So, you're back for the longer, deeper dive. And following on from the previous FMQ, it's all about empathy. Empathy and to be empathetic without feeling the pain.

Because if you remember from that FMQ, I said empathy sucks. I did. You did listen, didn't you? You did listen.

Empathy sucks. And it does. Everyone pushes empathy as being the biggest thing since sliced bread and empathy.

Because, you know, it what it is. There's such a better way to help people. And more importantly, help yourself.

Being empathetic with yourself. That's where it should start. Number one.

With number one. You see, let me just re-explain something. Oh, by the way, just jumping in before I do that.

If you didn't know, I do this also on video at YouTube. They're a bit bonky, I know. Got two cameras.

There we go. And a bit of light in the background. And apart from that, that's as professional as we get.

But if you wanted to see me doing this, you can. But anyway, let's get back to the real stuff. When I said empathy sucks.

Think about this. I talked about emotional dumping. That's what people do when they think, oh, I want to be so vulnerable.

I'm going to dump on somebody. They just dump everything out they've got. And it's embarrassing.

And because you want to be empathetic, you let them dump on you. You take on their pain. And they walk away going, oh, I feel so much lighter, so much lighter.

And you're going, oh, I got to think about things. I worry about people do this. And you see, that's totally inappropriate.

Totally inappropriate. It's just too much. You got to get out of that.

You really do. You see, I know a couple examples of when people just absorb pain. My mother was one.

People used to come round, offload everything. And she would worry, have sleepless nights, thinking about them, what she could do. And she couldn't do anything about it.

But it affected her. There's a great, she's dead now, unfortunately. She's left this planet.

But Victoria, is it? Virginia Satir was a great family therapist. And she had in her mind a belief that if I can't feel the pain, the pain of the people I'm working with, and really feel it as deeply as them, then I can't help. And she felt that pain so much, whether it was linked to the illnesses she got before she died, because she did, she suffered.

And she was doing it for a wonderful reason. So was mum. But I think there's a better way.

And you see, I think some ways, people who just do that dump on you, and you become the empath. Well, it's easier for them to do that than listening to themselves. It's like a shield, isn't it? A protective shield.

I'm going to just put it all out there. Because in some ways, I can walk away and leave it where I put it with somebody else. That's not right, is it? Not right.

And I think we have these things where we have to repress, suppress. That's no good either, by the way. And I think having empathy is in some ways, unconscious hiding.

What do you mean, Cloughie? What do you mean? I'll tell you what I mean. There's a song there somewhere. I'll tell you what I want.

Anyway, but it's like, if I can throw all my stuff to somebody else, means I don't have to deal with it myself. So we're hiding, we're giving ourselves safety by hiding away from the emotions that we feel. The emotions that are present.

And it's up to us. We have responsibility to ourselves to deal with that ourselves. Because we're the only bugger who can.

Everyone can talk. Yes, you can go to a therapist, you know, one to one, you know, one to one, go to a great hypnotist, an NLP practitioner, timeline practitioner, they will really help. But at the end of the day, you have to do it.

You have to come up, have the will to do whatever it takes and do the work. They're working with you. They're not working on you.

That's what a lot of people think. I do hypnosis on that person. I want NLP done on me.

No, they work with you. You have to put the effort in. They're just a guide.

They don't have great processes. And you see, being that empathetic, it hurts, doesn't it? It hurts taking on other people's pain. We've got enough of it our own sometimes.

We don't need it. So what are we going to do? What are we going to do? Well, I want to shift it. Shift it in a way that taking away the belief about how good being an empathetic or empathy person is, and take away that belief.

I'm empathetic and that's who I am. Because we think that's a little badge of honour sometimes. Two, I'm responsible for my state first.

And I'll show you how to do that in a couple of processes, two or three processes I want to go through. But I'm responsible for my emotional state first. Does that make sense? A little bit like the metaphor everyone uses from an aeroplane, put your own air supply on first before you help other people.

You have to be okay yourself. You see, if you're an empathetic, you're getting drained. It's bringing you down.

And that's so negative. It creates a heaviness in your mental ability, your emotional ability and affects your physical abilities. And that's not dealing with things about yourself first, is it now? And if you try to suppress that, what happens? Fights back, doesn't it? The ripples get stronger.

And we really do have to, I think sometimes it's like this thing where it deflects. Well, if I'm listening to everyone else, I don't need to listen to myself. And you see, your own emotions are not your enemies.

They're not. They're there to help you. They're just signals.

Signals to say, I've got something for you to learn. Let's change. And if you avoid that through kindness to other people, you're still avoiding, still avoiding us.

Avoiding us, that's a word, isn't it? But you're still avoiding yourself, dealing with yourself. And that's what I'm putting this all down to. There's a better way than being or having empathy for people, I believe.

But also it's more about, I'm here for you. No other bugger, just you. Let's help ourselves, deal with ourselves.

And then we can be compassionate and help other people. And that's where I want to go, to compassion. Let's compare the two.

Let's compare empathy to compassion. Empathy, I feel your pain. I feel your pain.

Do you really want to feel other people's pain to help them? Or do you want to recognise their pain? And that's where compassion comes in. I recognise you are in pain. You're hurting.

I mean, when I'm working with a clinically depressed person, do I have to feel clinically depressed to help? Because if I do, I won't be able to help them. I've got to be able to recognise the pain they're in, and then come up with a process to help them and guide them out of that. Empathy absorbs their pain.

You absorb it into your own body. You can't help but try on. What's the point of that? I mean, is that supporting them? Just knowing their pain? Feeling their pain? No, but compassion is supporting them.

Supporting them in a way to help get rid of it. Change. What else does empathy do? Well, it drains you of energy, drains you completely.

Whereas if you're compassionate, your energy is sustained. You're able to use all your energy to help people and yourself. Empathy is reactive.

Oh, there we are. I'll do that. But when you're compassionate, you are grounded, grounded, and therefore you're able to use all the skills you've got to see things, to reframe things, to help people, support people.

As we said, hopefully that makes a difference to you. Because my answer is, what would you rather do? Would you rather feel pain, absorb the pain, get drained of energy, be reactive? Or would you rather be able to recognise people's pain and therefore support them? And when you're supporting them, come from a sustained energy level that you have. And by that way, you remain grounded.

Which would you rather have? I think it's a no-bloody brainer, which is why empathy sucks. I'm never going to go away from that, by the way, with one exception. I'll tell you that now, where empathy doesn't suck.

If you're in and around somebody who is having the most wonderful time, feels joy, love, everything, they're really enjoying themselves. That's when you can be empathetic. Feel the joy.

Because you can learn from that. You can learn from the good feelings. I love this feeling.

How can I generate it in myself? It doesn't drain. But that doesn't normally happen. People don't come and jump around because they're too busy enjoying themselves.

So try to find that, match them. If you see that, that's what I do. So what's the first process I want to talk about? Because I think there is three.

But the first process is, and it is so simple. And it's all about dealing with yourself. Forget other people at the moment.

Because as I said before, I think empathy is deflecting. It's masking. It's a shield.

But those emotions inside you, the negative emotions inside you, are there for a reason. They have a positive intention. So what do you do? We've done it a few times before.

We just want to sit with that feeling. Sit with it and acknowledge it. That's it.

Just sit in the feeling. You're not going to do anything. You're not going to try to push it away.

You're not going to try to change it. There are processes where we change the modalities and some modalities of the pain that you're in, or the emotional pain, or the emotion itself. Move it around in your body, change its colour, change its weight, shape.

But we're not doing that. This is just sitting and asking questions. So once you are sitting in the middle of that emotion, sometimes if you sit there just for a minute or two, it will disappear.

Because it's been recognised. Because sometimes emotions just want to be recognised, acknowledged. Because in some way you'll get the learnings from it unconsciously.

But you can ask, what are you, this emotion in me, trying to do for me? What are you trying to protect me from? It's when you get that intuitive, you go, ah, I get it. But you also realise there's this clash, there's a direct conflict, because what your emotion is trying to protect you from is creating the same feeling. You know, sometimes there's an emotion trying to stop you from feeling fear by giving you fear.

That's the whole thing. But if you were calm and collected, you'd be okay. So what are you trying to teach me? That's another one.

What are you trying to teach me? And just sit. And the thing is, you have to sit with that, acknowledge it and just listen with all your senses. Because sometimes things don't always come out in words, they're always audible.

They can come through as maybe a visualisation, an aha moment. Maybe there's a word on the tip of your tongue, or a memory that suddenly comes back. I've had a couple of these and suddenly, oh, that was years ago, man.

I say to myself, that was years ago. That's gone. It existed back then, but no longer now.

So I don't need that. You've just been, you know, you've been here, still trying to do the same thing. And it's no longer necessary.

Take a chill pill, take a rest. And sometimes that's enough, that acknowledgement. It's okay.

You could say, well, you know, if I listened to this with all my senses, instead of pushing it away, what would happen? What would happen just sitting here acknowledging it? Sometimes just thanking the part is enough. So sit in that feeling. Thank you.

Thank you for doing what you do, because it's doing it relentlessly. It is using loads of energy, by the way, trying to make you aware. And if you let go of that negative energy, you've got a void to fill with positive energy.

Wonderful things. So listen and thank it. Thank you for being so persistent.

Give me the learnings and then we'll just let it go. And when you say that, thank you. What's the learnings? Just notice what shifts.

Sometimes it's a feeling of lightness. Sometimes it's just, I don't know what, I feel different. And sometimes you don't even notice a difference.

But, there is a but, when you look back over the week that's just gone after doing the work, just sitting there, you go, oh, I'm no longer doing that thing that I used to do. No, you're no longer feeling anxious about that thing. I'm feeling more confident now because I'm doing things differently.

You've got a new norm. And that's what it's all about. Because you've got to remember, every negative emotion, in fact, every emotion, not negative, has a positive intention.

And when we learn that positive intention, we can find better ways if they're negative. This isn't working. How can we find a better way and keep the intention? Most people try to put, when you push and suppress, you're pushing away an intention, which is to protect you and save you, not save you, but yeah, maybe save you, protect you in different ways.

And when you work with it, you begin to access different things, different ways. Yeah. Does that make sense? That make sense? So, that's one, just sitting.

Here's what I'd like to do a little visualisation. I can say visualisation, but not just that. I want to do a little visualisation with you.

And visualisations can be open eyes. We all daydream with our eyes open. Or sometimes it's better to close your eyes because you just avoid all the distractions out there.

And visualisation, by the way, doesn't have to be in 20-20 vision, seeing everything in perfect contrast. No, it could be just an awareness that things are out there. And anything in between, from awareness to perfect 20-20 vision, is just right for you.

Some days it's clearer than others. Some people say, oh, but I can't visualise. And yes, you bloody do.

Sometimes you find it difficult when you're asked to visualise, but then you're wandering around and you've got all these pictures in your mind. That's visualisation. You know, when you think about memories, it's a visualisation because it's not happening.

It's gone. But now you're recalling it in visual, auditory, all those terms. I just want you to imagine this.

So if you want to close your eyes for a moment, just make sure that no one needs your attention. You've got a safe space just to sit, maybe lay down if you're at home, but just stand anywhere you like. But just notice for a moment, visualise this.

Imagine you're with somebody and they're offloading on you. They're being supersonically vulnerable. But instead of being that old empathetic, I want you to visualise it in a different way.

So there they are, they're offloading. And just imagine this. Imagine grounding yourself in the moment.

Just be in your body, grounded to the floor. Maybe you could imagine there's like roots growing into the little old planet Earth. But you're grounded.

You're in the moment. And you know it. And as they're offloading, just notice your breathing.

Make it gentle. Maybe just make the out-breath a little bit longer than the in-breath. Just notice the breath because that's when we become calm.

We need to realise and notice now when you're in this this way, being grounded, noticing your breathing, present, being in the moment, how you can be caring and you can be offering compassion without merging. Staying true to yourself. In fact, having in some ways like a little shield around.

You've created a little shield around yourself where you can offer the compassion, offer the support. You're grounded. Can you see now? Notice the difference and how it feels to support somebody without drowning.

It's a weird thing, isn't it? You know, there's no transference, is there? Because this is now compassion in action. And you, by offering this compassion in this grounded way, this present way, being present, is so much supportive. You'll be able to see how you can support them so much better.

It'll be like having a meta view, looking down and going, ah, have you tried this, this and this? You'll support them by offering them alternatives, giving them sort of advice, not directions, but maybe consider, have you considered this? If it was me in my past, this is what I did. That's a great way to give advice because you're coming from personal experience and that really works. So just imagine now, you're with that person, notice how they change when you're grounded, you're breathing, you're caring without taking, you're offering in this grounded way.

Notice how different you are when you part and you're back in your own world, doing your thing. Notice how different the world seems now. It does, doesn't it? And that is just a simple visualisation just to show you how you can be different now, be compassionate, love compassion.

Makes so much difference to me.

Now, here's a longer one, slightly longer, takes a bit more time. That's because it's longer. That was easy, wasn't it? A little visualisation, just bring it to mind.

But this is why I want you to take some time out for yourself, maybe like five odd minutes. So I do want you to find a place where you'll be undisturbed. You don't have to close your eyes on this one, but you can, but certainly be undisturbed, because I just want you to really get in touch at the moment with any emotions that are going through you.

Because this is about being empathetic to yourself. And this is the only bit of empathy that, well, other than finding people's joy in joining in, the real empathy comes from within to yourself, because we're not ignoring ourselves now. Because the thing about feeling your own pain is because you can feel that pain, you can feel that hurt, you can feel that negative emotion anyway.

So you're not taking it on because it's existing in you. And it's there for a reason. And it's there for a reason.

Here's a wonderful process to gently understand. So we're going from that first process of acknowledgement and asking questions to really asking more deeper questions. And being with that emotion in a real comfortable way.

So find that safe place where you'll be undisturbed. Take a moment to breathe. Breathe in for maybe the count of four, hold it for a moment, and then let it out for the count of six or eight.

Just allow your mind to know that you're safe, because that type of breathing creates safety, calmness. And then I want you to notice an emotion, bring to mind an emotion that you've noticed. This is not a big one, not a 10 out of 10.

I just want a five, four out of 10 in intensity, just to give you this process. And I want you to, as you bring that emotion to mind, I want you to imagine a place just in front of you. Could be a couple of meters, six foot.

Just give yourself a little bit of space between. And in that space, just imagine that emotion is there. Oh, that's different, isn't it? That emotion is there.

And you, again, are grounded. You're breathing, and you notice you're breathing, and you're caring for yourself. You're going to offer compassion to this emotion of yours.

And there it is. Just notice it for a moment. If you see it, just notice what you see.

Sometimes we see it as a person, maybe. Maybe we see it as ourself. Sometimes we see it as a thing.

There's a color in front of us. You know, maybe a big circle, maybe whatever, whatever, whatever, because it's yours, not mine. And it's just there.

And I want you to then ask those same questions, but speaking to yourself as you would to a best friend. Thank you. Thank your best friend for being so persistent.

And then in your own words, just say, thank you. Thank you for being here, for doing what you're doing for me. And that doesn't feel good, or it didn't feel good.

But thank you for being here, because I know you're trying to do something positive, because every emotion has a positive intention. And I want you to become curious. Imagine being and feeling really curious in yourself, and begin to ask, what is your intention? And just notice what you get.

That's all you're doing. You're asking questions from curiosity, in a caring manner. Just want to know what you're trying to do for me.

Thank you for doing it. But I just need to understand and notice what you get. Maybe you could just ask, what are you trying to teach me through this intention, for being here? What do you want me to learn from this? Just listen with all your senses.

And the thing is, when you ask these type of questions, you may notice that that representation in front of you, that emotion changes. Maybe it gets smaller. Maybe it gets a little bit more, well, not quite so clear, because it's beginning to disappear.

Maybe you could ask, and here's the weird question. What can I do for you? Yeah, ask that emotion, the part of you that's running this emotion, what can I do for you? What do you need from me? Because sometimes, sometimes that part of you, or the negative emotion, just needs to be recognized, acknowledged. It's weird.

And sometimes it just says, I just want you to recognize me for who and what I am, or what I've been trying to do. And you say, awesome. I can acknowledge you now, with love.

I can give you permission to stand down, to be at ease, because you don't need to be here all the time. I love the fact that you're trying to keep me safe. But in fact, there's that direct conflict, that the way you're trying to keep me safe, feels unsafe in me.

And sometimes the part doesn't realize that, or the emotion doesn't realize that it is creating that conflict. And when it does, we ask, is there a better way to get that intention, using all the resources inside us, everything we've learned, all our experiences, all our wisdom, what would be a better way to keep me safe? Notice what you get. And notice now, maybe that old emotion in front of you, that part of you that runs that emotion, is now getting even more distant, moving away.

And as you do this, holding this space, and you maybe think out into the future, imagine your future now, going out into the future, and imagine having your life changed by what you're learning. By this emotion disappearing, and you finding better ways to protect yourself. Being grounded, breathing, pausing, finding positive beliefs that support you.

And all the wonderful emotions, positive emotions and behaviors, that support that too. How safe you could be, what would it be like in the future, just to feel safe and comfortable, without the all negative feeling. But to have that intention, keeping the intention.

And just be there. Just think that part. Thank you for doing all you've been doing.

That's all it is. We're learning. Because you see, when you learn from an emotion, the emotion no longer needs to be present.

Because it's done its job. It's done its job. You have the learning, so the emotion no longer needs to be present in your life.

And because you've been compassionate, and you've also been empathetic with yourself, you will be, if you want to help others, as well as yourself, you know how to do it now. Being compassionate, supportive, and grounded, and present. Just as you have been with yourself.

In fact, you could, you can open your eyes by the way now, because we're just talking. Notice how that feels though. Notice how you notice.

There's no transference now. It's compassion in action. Self-empathy.

That's what we've done. We've installed self-empathy. And that's all you need to do.

So just sort of think what we've done. We've acknowledged, sat down quietly, acknowledged emotions, ask a few questions, understand, and it disappears. Then we notice what it would be like, how we can install in ourselves a better way of being.

If people are offloading on us, we can become grounded. We breathe in a special way. We offer support, caring without taking.

And notice how compassion really feels without merging, taking on, how better it is, and how we can help people even more. And then that being with and asking questions really directly to that emotion, learning from it, noticing it disappearing, and then noticing what it'd be like in the future to be more supported in yourself. Empathy in ourselves.

So I want to close and conclude with this. What have we done? Well, the main part of this is before you help anybody else, check in with yourself first. And that's not even thinking about, well, yes, I want to deal with my own emotions, but if someone is vulnerable and they need your help, you need to check in with yourself first.

Let me be compassionate. Let me get this metaphorical shield of safety where I can be grounded and breathing and be there for them and support them. So ask, am I grounded or am I hiding? That's weird, isn't it? And then remember, one emotion, one learning.

And that's what you do. And when you learn from that emotion, you keep the intention because every emotion has a positive intention. You keep the intention and that allows you to be different in a better way.

So remember, I've got your back. All this will help you just to be you, because it's just taking away sometimes our natural inclination to be so empathetic and not thinking we're helping people. And we're actually not.

We're just putting it on ourselves. We're doing in some ways damage to ourselves. And I don't want that for you.

When we know there's such a better way to support others and support ourselves, because even if you didn't help anybody else, you've helped yourself every time you have a negative emotion. Help yourself first, then you're available to other people if they need it. If not, bugger off and enjoy yourself.

Have fun. And in doing that, just remember, please, I don't know, well, stop hiding from emotions. That's one of the things.

I want you to know that you can learn from every emotion. Help yourself first, because when you help that, you help the whole planet Earth and you have the most wonderful runway of your life. And guess what? If there's anything that I didn't explain properly, or if there's anything you go, yeah, it makes a lot of sense.

But what about this emotion? Email me feedback at personal development unplugged.com. And let's come up with something for you. But all these ways, and all the free hypnosis I give Paulcluffonline.com forward slash podcast, so many resources you've got here to help you. And part of these is like, there are things there which will help you in a similar style to these processes.

Acknowledging, sitting, being in different positions with with either different people or different emotions. They're all there for you. If you want a little bit of guidance, say, got this issue, Cloughie, can you show me which one would help me the best? And I'll do that for you.

So I hope you enjoyed that. There's a big cycle. Big deep breath.

That's what we want. Get grounded again. I'm going to see you on the next FMQ where we're going to sell another seed and then dive deeper into something just as interesting and just as significant, which make might be just the difference that makes a difference where you can just sit down for a change.

Maybe take some time out for a spell. Oh, and more fun than you can stand. Remember, please subscribe that you get all these in there.

Have a look at the video if you want. Not many people do, but you can see I am at true do my best, but really take these in because they do work. I know I'm a therapist and not your therapist, but all these are positives, not delving into stuff.

We're just learning from it. Have fun and go fly. Warning, you are now leaving the unplugged mind of Paul Clough.

It's time to fly. Be brave, my friend. Personal development unplugged.

Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited

Personal development [self improvement] [self development] [NLP] [Hypnosis]

Empathy Sucks (Unless It's With Yourself)

I said it.

Empathy sucks.

Now before you unsubscribe and send me a strongly worded email… hear me out.

In this episode I'm diving deep into something that most people believe is a virtue — feeling other people's pain. And yes, empathy can be beautiful. But if all you do is absorb the emotions of others, carry their struggles, and ignore your own… that's not kindness.

That's self-neglect.

Here's what I explore in this episode:

• Why absorbing other people's pain drains your emotional energy

• How empathy can become a way of avoiding your own feelings

• Why suppressed emotions don't disappear — they generalise

• The difference between empathy and compassion (and why it matters)

• How to process your own emotions so they stop running your life

• Simple processes to turn emotional overwhelm into emotional strength

I truly believe this:

If you deal with your stuff first, you help people better.

When you stop hiding from your own emotions and learn from them instead, something shifts. You become grounded. Present. Powerful. And far more able to support others without drowning in their experience.

This episode includes practical processes to:

• Work with difficult emotions

• Discover the positive intention behind them

• Stop suppressing and start learning

• Shift from emotional sponge to compassionate supporter

Because compassion sustains. Empathy without boundaries drains.

And if you're going to feel deeply… start by feeling for yourself.

This Episode Is For You If:

• You feel emotionally drained by other people

• You often absorb the moods of those around you

• You struggle to process your own emotions

• You consider yourself "an empath" but feel overwhelmed

• You want stronger emotional resilience

• You want to help others without losing yourself

A Simple Practice From This Episode

Before helping someone else this week, ask yourself:

"Am I grounded… or am I hiding?"

Then sit with one emotion of your own.

Ask:

• What are you trying to teach me?

• What are you protecting me from?

• What can I learn from you?

Learn the lesson.

And watch what shifts.

Share The Love

If this episode resonated with you:

• Subscribe

• Share it with someone who gives too much of themselves https://personaldevelopmentunplugged.com/fmq527-empathy-sucks-unless-its-with-yourself

• Leave a review

Let's help more people become emotionally strong instead of emotionally overloaded.

And as always…

Have more fun than you can stand.

Shine Brightly 🌟

Paul

Hey there! I'd love to hear from you—questions, feedback, requests—all welcome. Drop me a line or leave a comment. If you've enjoyed this episode or any other, please share and subscribe! You can reach me at [email protected].

Subscribe to the Podcast

Ready to subscribe? Click here to explore your options. Or, if you're on Apple Music or iTunes, you can go straight to subscribe or leave a review here.

Special Programs for You

For tools on developing Supreme Inner Confidence, finding Freedom from Anxiety, or specialized Hypnosis Tracks, visit PaulCloughOnline.com.

Free Hypnosis Tracks

Want access to my FREE hypnosis tracks? Head over to paulcloughonline.com/podcast.

Connect with Me

Follow me on Twitter: @pcloughie

Remember: I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. This podcast and any of my online resources are for educational purposes only. Never use the hypnosis tracks or exercises if you're operating machinery, driving, or if you have epilepsy or psychiatric conditions. Always consult a healthcare provider if you're unsure.

Find Us on Other Platforms

Catch the podcast on Spotify, Castbox, iHeart Radio, YouTube, or on our Libsyn page.

Stay tuned, and keep shining brightly. ✨

Music Credits

Music by Wataboi from Pixabay, Music by DreamHeaven from Pixabay, Music by ccjmusic from Pixabay, Music by freegroove from Pixabay, Music by prazkhanal from Pixabay.

And the transcript WARNING if you're a lover of the written word this may make you frustrated, or angry - you have been warned - is it an 'ism

Hey, welcome to the five minute quickie, the seed that I sow for a longer podcast. And hopefully you'll find if you, if you have an issue, by the way, if you have an issue and they're not, not directly talked about in the episodes, I think you'll find that I've made, made them in a way that if you concentrate on your issue and set your intention to learn about your issue and how to let it go with every episode, you'll find that they're, they're ambiguously linked.

I'll say that again, ambiguously linked. Done it in a way that you can really use these for so many issues. In fact, you can have any issue you like as many as you like, but pick one and have a listen and you'll find that it will help.

That's my plan anyway. And today we've got another seed and it's about one of the banes of life. And what is it? Bloody empathy.

Empathy because it bloody sucks. Now, title is something different. You have to read the title, but you know, why do I say empathy sucks? I've said it for a long time is that if all you do is feel the pain of others, then, you know, it just adds to yours, doesn't it? It adds to your pain.

The people who just dump on you. And I don't mean it in a nasty way. They're not doing it consciously.

Well, maybe some people are, but most people do it unconsciously. They offload, don't they? They offload their pain. And because you're empathetic and you think it's a good thing to do, you feel their pain, you take their pain, you live with their pain and you add it to yours.

And that's why I think it sucks. But I also think being empathetic does have a sort of positive intention because it hides you away from your pain. Get it? Hides it away from your pain.

Now, you have to think about that for a little while. Because you can say, no, no, no, no, no. This is really good that I'm helping somebody.

But you're not concentrating on yourself. You're not setting an intention to deal with your stuff first, because if you deal with your stuff first, you will help people a lot better. You will.

And I think sometimes when you're in that way of being empathetic and you're hiding things from yourself, you're hiding that emotion from yourself and what it's trying to do for you. Because everything has an intention. Every emotion you have is here for a reason, negative or positive.

You're learning. Or you could and should learn from them. And when you learn from the negatives, they just disappear.

But here's the thing. I know it's a form of safety. But when you're not dealing with yourself first, then there's a little bit of a clash, isn't there? And we need to do that.

Because it's not really safety, is it? If you're not dealing with yourself, how safe are you? Well, you're not really. You're hiding again. I say hiding.

So what are we going to do? You see, one of the reasons we push negative emotions away is because they're painful. They're bloody painful. We push them away.

We suppress them. We repress them. And what happens? The more you push, those emotions push back.

And they don't only push back in the context that they were created in. They generalise, they generalise into different areas of your life. And what happens then is, well, unless you're prepared to learn from them and deal with them, they just get worse, bigger, stronger and in more areas of your life, which is a real shit.

And you can deal with it. You really can. Now you've got, as I said, loads of other episodes, but this particular longer episode coming next is to deal with this thing called empathy, but dealing with it in the right way.

If you're going to be empathetic, be bloody empathetic to yourself. So what can we do about it? These emotions that you're ignoring, you're trying to hide, you're pushing away, you're suppressing, repressing more than we've said it all before. What can you do about it? Well, I've got a plan, a plan and maybe a couple of processes that I'm going to put into the longer episode, because that's what we need to do.

And the thing is, these processes, guess what they are? They are simple. And what does simple do? In simplicity, there is genius. Because it's easy to do.

It's easy to follow. Sometimes it's a little bit hard because it takes effort. That's the only only hardship.

You have to take effort. You have to set your intention. I'm going to do this.

I'm going to find the learnings because this part of me is making me feel this emotion that I'm trying to push away. But if I if I work with it and learn from it, it will disappear and I'll be a better person for it. So that's where we're going on the deeper, deeper, that's where we're going on the longer episode with a deeper dive.

And just in case you don't agree with me, and that's fine. It's just my opinion, my thoughts. If you don't agree with me that empathy sucks, that's just a belief.

And I think it's a limiting belief because I'll show you why when we deal with it. Because I think if you really want to help people, change your empathy into being compassionate. Compassion.

That's where you really get to help people. You can be there for them, support them. You don't have to feel the pain to know they're in pain.

But you can use all your compassion to support them. And that feels bloody good. Oh, there is one other thing before we go, where empathy doesn't suck.

Even though I said it does suck. There's one place where it doesn't suck. Because feeling other people's emotions can be when they're feeling joy, feeling happy, when they're celebrating, you go feel that celebration, you go feel the happiness, you go feel that joy, support them in that way.

Oh, we're being compassionate again, because we're meeting them with that wonderful feeling again. And we're just, well, that's what we're going to do. We're going to be there, we're going to be for them.

But more importantly, you have to be compassionate with yourself, you have to be more empathetic with yourself. And that's where we're going. Long way around.

But I think you'll enjoy it. Even though it seems a bit weird, come and play. Come and sit down for a change, maybe for a spell, all that magical stuff.

And let's just see where it goes. Because you might find it just really gels to set your intention when you come with me on the longer podcast. I want to learn from this.

What can I learn from this? And I guarantee you when you say that to yourself, with a pure, honest intention, you will learn something big. Come with me on the longer podcast, comes out next week. I have more fun than you can stand.

Okay, see you soon. Bye bye now, go fly. So before you leave this unplugged mind of mine, this hypnotic mind, if you enjoyed this podcast or any of the other podcasts, please do subscribe.

It helps this podcast grow and affect so many more people. And we love to leave everyone in a better place than we found them. And this will help help the podcast, it will help you and it will help everyone that you know.

So if you just subscribe and share, share this podcast to everyone you know. That's the only cost, pay it forward to everyone. And when you do that, boom, we are all going to make a difference to this little old planet Earth of ours, and the people in it.

Let's make a good world, a nice world. Okay, okay, you can now prepare to leave this unplugged mind. Warning, you are now leaving the unplugged mind of Paul Clough.

It's time to fly. Be brave, my friend. Personal Development Unplugged

Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited

Personal development [self improvement] [self development] [NLP] [Hypnosis]

HYPNOSIS Creating The Life You Haven't Lived - Yet

I thought it would be nice to take the process from the longer podcast and remix it to a deeper and even more comfortable way to connect with your Unconscious mind and sow the seeds of what you dream of for you in the future.

So please enjoy with my compliments

And........

Let me know what you need now to ensure they happen bigger, better and quicker than you could imagine :o)

Get your unique link here: https://paulcloughonline.com/podcast

Oh! You will also find a further 65+ more complimentary deep hypnosis tracks and NLP processes

Shine Brightly 🌟

Paul

Remember: I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. This podcast and any of my online resources are for educational purposes only. Never use the hypnosis tracks or exercises if you're operating machinery, driving, or if you have epilepsy or psychiatric conditions. Always consult a healthcare provider if you're unsure.

Hey there! I'd love to hear from you—questions, feedback, requests—all welcome. Drop me a line or leave a comment. If you've enjoyed this episode or any other, please share and subscribe! You can reach me at [email protected].

Subscribe to the Podcast

Ready to subscribe? Click here to explore your options. Or, if you're on Apple Music or iTunes, you can go straight to subscribe or leave a review here.

Special Programs for You

For tools on developing Supreme Inner Confidence, finding Freedom from Anxiety, or specialized Hypnosis Tracks, visit PaulCloughOnline.com.

Free Hypnosis Tracks

Want access to my FREE hypnosis tracks? Head over to paulcloughonline.com/podcast.

Connect with Me

Follow me on Twitter: @pcloughie

Find Us on Other Platforms

Catch the podcast on Spotify, Castbox, iHeart Radio, YouTube, or on our Libsyn page.

Stay tuned, and keep shining brightly. ✨

Music Credits

Music by Wataboi from Pixabay, Music by DreamHeaven from Pixabay, Music by ccjmusic from Pixabay, Music by freegroove from Pixabay, Music by prazkhanal from Pixabay. Music by prazkhanal from Pixabay. Music by will |Marshall from will marshall.

Personal development [self improvement] [self development] [NLP] [Hypnosis]

Creating The Life You Haven't Lived Yet

In the last FMQ, I talked about the idea that there's a book inside you.

In this episode, I take that idea further.

Because here's what I truly believe…

You're already writing your life.

One page at a time. One day at a time.

The question is — are you writing it consciously?

In this episode I guide you through a creative visualisation process that helps you:

• Step out of "life just happening"

• Stop letting other people write your chapters

• Feel your future before it physically exists

• Align your unconscious mind with what you truly want

• Take one small, powerful step forward

This isn't about pretending the past didn't happen.

It's about deciding what happens next.

And you don't have to be 100% ready.

You just have to start.

What We Do Together In This Episode

I guide you into a relaxed, curious state.

You sit at a desk.

There's a book in front of you called:

My Life, My Adventure.

The past chapters are written.

You acknowledge them.

You thank them.

And then…

You begin writing the next chapter.

Not perfectly. Not dramatically.

Just intentionally.

You float outside yourself. You see yourself writing. You feel support from the people who care about you. You see yourself through loving eyes.

And then you ask one powerful question:

What small step can I take now?

Because the magic isn't in dreaming.

It's in deciding.

What I Want You To Take From This

• You are not stuck.

• You are not finished.

• You are not defined by previous chapters.

• Responsibility is not blame — it's power.

• Your future starts now.

And remember…

Even if you do nothing differently today — you're still writing a page.

So why not write it on purpose?

If This Resonates

Subscribe.

Share this with someone who needs it.

https://personaldevelopmentunplugged.com/475-creating-the-life-you-havent-lived-yet

And take one small step.

Have more fun than you can stand.

Wallow in pleasure.

Shine Brightly 🌟

Paul

Hey there! I'd love to hear from you—questions, feedback, requests—all welcome. Drop me a line or leave a comment. If you've enjoyed this episode or any other, please share and subscribe! You can reach me at [email protected].

Subscribe to the Podcast

Ready to subscribe? Click here to explore your options. Or, if you're on Apple Music or iTunes, you can go straight to subscribe or leave a review here.

Special Programs for You

For tools on developing Supreme Inner Confidence, finding Freedom from Anxiety, or specialized Hypnosis Tracks, visit PaulCloughOnline.com.

Free Hypnosis Tracks

Want access to my FREE hypnosis tracks? Head over to paulcloughonline.com/podcast.

Connect with Me

Follow me on Twitter: @pcloughie

Remember: I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. This podcast and any of my online resources are for educational purposes only. Never use the hypnosis tracks or exercises if you're operating machinery, driving, or if you have epilepsy or psychiatric conditions. Always consult a healthcare provider if you're unsure.

Find Us on Other Platforms

Catch the podcast on Spotify, Castbox, iHeart Radio, YouTube, or on our Libsyn page.

Stay tuned, and keep shining brightly. ✨

Music Credits

Music by Wataboi from Pixabay, Music by DreamHeaven from Pixabay, Music by ccjmusic from Pixabay, Music by freegroove from Pixabay, Music by prazkhanal from Pixabay.

And the transcript WARNING if you're a lover of the written word this may make you frustrated, or angry - you have been warned - is it an 'ism

Hey, so welcome back. It's Longer Dive, creating the life you haven't, you haven't lived yet.

And there's a few things that surround what I'm going to be talking about. It's like my intention and a few observations I've made about the subject. And looking as if you were looking down on this subject, my thoughts were, this starts now.

It starts right now. And you don't have to be ready, by the way, you don't have to be ready. You just have to start now.

And what I want to tell you is, you know, this is your choice. Of course, it's your choice. But you get the right to choose.

And the thing is, I believe in you. I believe in you. I want to support you in this.

Yeah, bit hammy, isn't it? But that's what I'm going to do. That's why I'm here. How do I want you to feel through all of this? Well, that feeling is, I want is, I can do this.

I can do this. And why is it so important? Even though you don't know what I'm going to talk about, why is it so important? Because it's our responsibility, yours and mine. No one else's.

No one gets involved in this. It's our responsibility to create this life we haven't yet lived yet. And that's what we're going to do.

You see, I talked on the last FMQ about everyone's got a book inside them. But not everyone has to write it, not write it physically out there. You can do, you can do.

Awesome. If you feel like you've got a book, but this is like taking that metaphor of the book of your life. And I've got a lovely process that I want to, I've adapted, that I was going to help you actually get your unconscious mind to begin to align with your conscious mind and write the chapters of what's yet to happen.

So you're an author. You are an author already. In fact, you write a page a day, at least.

You write a page a day because you create the life you're going to live today, right now. You may not know it consciously, but that's what you do. And you decide your day.

Again, is it conscious? Sometimes. Unconscious? Absolutely. Put the two together.

It can create mayhem. It can create wonders. But when we set our intention of how we want to be, and they're aligned, conscious and unconscious, we can now start writing those paragraphs, those chapters and form a wonderful dedication.

Because we can dedicate this and our life to the people who's come to us in the past, but we've still got mentors to come and experiences to come in the future. And I think sometimes we get involved with other people sometimes too much. We try to write their chapters, their paragraphs.

And it's not our responsibility. Yes, we can be there to support, mentor, but ultimately it's up to them to take responsibility, write their own and create their own life. And then there's the other side of that.

Sometimes we let other buggers write our lives as if they're imposing what we should do. Oh, you could do this. You ought to do that.

Why don't you do this? It's such as, oh, that's the right thing to do. And they don't bloody know because they're not you. They haven't got your experiences.

They haven't got your learnings. They haven't got anything. They just know you from over there, but they don't know you in here, do they? Only one person knows you in here and that's you.

Anyway, having said all of that, what the fuck am I talking about? I'm sorry. Well, this is what I'm going to do. Just follow along with me.

If you could just take this time out, be open, be curious and follow along with me. Because on this metaphor that everyone has a book inside them, whether you actually physically write it or whether you just create it, it's just a story, but you are creating that story. You can look back over yesterday, that was part of your story.

You look back over a month ago, that was just a year ago, but you look into the future and decide how you want it to be. Because it's your choice, you can either live on the effect side of life, which is cause and effect, allow other people to cause you to be a certain way, or it's the weather, a financial situation, oh I can't do this because, because, because. All bloody reasons.

Good reasons? No, they're excuses, aren't they? Cause and effect. You're living in the effect side of life, but when you start to take responsibility, you are creating, you're choosing. You chose, if you did, to live at the effect side of life, you chose that unconsciously, consciously, you let it happen.

Now you can stop because you can do this. You can begin to write every paragraph, every chapter creatively. You see when you become at cause, you take responsibility, you become totally bloody empowered because it's you.

I've got this, happy day. So that's what we're going to do, we're going to take responsibility for this creation. And the best part about this process, the process I want to share with you, it doesn't matter if you're feeling a hundred percent, absolutely wonderful, or maybe you're not loving the world and you're struggling, or you're struggling just a little bit, or you're struggling big time, or even if you're in therapy.

Why? Because it works on your desires, your dreams, and giving your permission to create and have those dreams and desires. So it doesn't really matter what chapters have gone on before, it's now creating your future, how you want to be. So it doesn't matter whatever stage you are in your life right now, this is going to help, this is going to do something.

You are going to be the director of your book, well the author. So what I want you to do is whatever state of mind you're in at the moment, just suspend a little bit of doubt if you've got any, and for a few moments open up your curiosity. Give yourself a break, yeah just give yourself a break to say well if it did work, if I did follow Cloughie's little process, I wonder how good it could happen, I wonder what wonderful effects it will have, that's an awesome question.

And you see what we're going to do is this wonderful process based on an NLP process called, it's a visualization, maybe a bit hypnosis, a bit hypnotic, but it's called my autobiography, but I've changed it slightly, I've adapted it to be for not the life you've lived, but the life you want to live, yours, no one else's. So that's what we're going to do, and all you're going to do is put aside 10 minutes, that's all, just 10 minutes, well give or take, that's all it is. Have you got 10 minutes? Of course you bloody have, everyone's got bloody 10 minutes, especially with the chance of creating something really nice, really good, good for a change right now.

Now you may need a little notebook or a big one, I don't care, a piece of paper, a pen, because sometimes we get instant ahas, instant insights, that's it, I've got it. Write the bugger down, because you don't write it down, what happens, someone says, oh by the way, bugger it's gone, what was I thinking about, it's disappeared. So let's write the bugger down, you can go back to it, and that's what we're going to do.

And remember curiosity, what does curiosity feel like? Because I want you to feel curious just before you do this process, because when you're curious and you've got this little thought in mind, I wonder what I can learn from this, you're going to learn big time. So this is what I want you to do, I just want you to find a comfortable place, a place where you will be undisturbed for around 10 minutes or so. So if you need to pause, come back to this when you've got somewhere nice and gentle, it could be on the outside, out in the fresh air, could be inside in a nice quiet place, and set that intention.

I wonder what I can learn from this right now. Okay, so get that feeling of curiosity, remember a time when you were so curious and you learnt something great, and if you were to feel that feeling right now, what would that be like? And as you feel that feeling, allow your eyes to close, because you've got this safe space where you're going to be undisturbed for 10 minutes or so. You're lying down or sitting down, it doesn't matter.

And breathe, take a wonderful in-breath, hold it just for a few seconds and let it out long and slow. That's right. And as you do that, you may even wonder how comfortable you could be.

What would it be like to be twice as comfortable as you are right now? What would that feel? Oh yeah. And if your muscles around your eyes were so soft, maybe the eyelids wouldn't want to work, but that softness in the muscles of your eyes can penetrate all your body, all the muscles, the sinews, everything. Just with every out-breath, you get more and more comfortable.

It's all you need to be. And as you do that, I want you to imagine you're sitting in a room. You're in a room, sitting at a desk.

And on that desk, there's a lovely book. Some of it has already been written in. And if you looked at the cover, it would say, My Life, My Adventure.

And you notice the pages have been written on. Your life that's gone by, it's already been written. The ups and the downs, the pleasures, maybe even trauma.

It doesn't matter. It's gone. It's gone and been done with.

You've learned from it. And as you sit there, you can see a wonderful pen and you can think now, I wonder, how would I like tomorrow? Maybe how would I like next month to be? Maybe how would I like the next six months to be? I wonder what I'm planning to do and enjoy over the next year. And that book, the unwritten pages, it's really thick because you've got so many pages to fill.

Now, as you begin to think and that you pick up that pen, begin to put it on the page, it might start writing. But as you just think, get curious of how you would like the days of the rest of your life to be, to experience, to enjoy, to create. I want you to imagine leaving your body and floating outside this room because on one wall, it's a clear wall, like a lovely plastic glass.

It's all the same. And you're on the other side now, looking at you, writing. Yeah, you, you're writing the rest of that book, how you want your life to be.

All the adventures, the things you want, the pleasures, like your hero's journey, following your path, your passions. You're over there writing them now. See the smile on your face as you're creating wonderful, wonderful characters that you meet along the way.

But then as you stand here, looking at you at that desk, you also notice beside you, people who you love. They're here too, looking at you over there. People you love.

And then the other side, there's people you respect. Maybe your mentors, maybe people you've read about. They're all here, all here with you.

You may not be able to see them all, but you can feel the essence and energy of their presence. And you can imagine, if you wanted to, looking through any of their eyes and seeing what they would see as they look at you, creating your future, looking through the eyes of love for you, sending you all their energy. So you can use it with inspiration, intuition, ahas, those moments of just wonder.

So you can create over there, beginning to create something that you can sometimes not even imagine possible, but now you can because you have all the support. Maybe you look through the eyes of someone who loves you and look through their eyes, through the eyes of love at you over there. Feel that love being sent to you over there, giving you the quality of pure love.

That's right, all this energy, all this wonderful love being, as it were, beamed to you, that you over there. And just from here, you might want to begin to think, if that you over there could have the life they want in all different areas of their life. Maybe all the different areas of context could be family, could be social, could be work, relationships, mental, physical, spiritual, connection, family.

They can dream of how they want it in each area. No editing, because each time they think about it, how their life would be, they can feel it. You can feel it now.

Feel how you would send the energy of how you want your relationships to be in the future, how you want your career to be in the future, your social life, your free time. How do you want to be physically, emotionally, having that connection? And feel it. Feel each one from here and send that feeling to that you over there.

And just let that happen over and over again. Your unconscious mind can do it even more. But your conscious mind can imagine now, become the dreamer.

And your unconscious mind can be the dream maker. That's right. If you're taking responsibility, you're empowered, and you can have it any way you want, because this is you, this is yours, your imagination of how you want the rest of your life to be.

And as you feel each one of those, begin to bring them all together. As you float back into that room, into that you, sitting in that chair, in that chair and at that desk. And you might not see the words being written because you're writing this day by day in real life.

I want you to take those feelings and magnify them. Magnify the feeling of how you want life to be. The ultimate vision of yourself, your best version.

When you're creating the life you were meant to do. The reason you're here on this little old planet Earth, making a difference. Socially, at work, career, selfless service, feeling of wonderful relationships.

What it's like to be mentally strong, emotionally so good, accessing all wonderful positive emotions and spreading true love. How it feels to be physically, just the way you want it. Having that connection.

Maybe there's a spiritual side of this too. And feel them all. So this you, writing your book, can have everything you dream of.

And as you do that, I want you to float all the way out of this room now, leave that you out there, at that desk, to continue writing and come back into you right now. And just for a moment, just wonder, what have I learned from this? What can I do right now? How can I begin to create the next paragraph, the next chapter of my life? How can I begin to create the life I dream of? What's a smaller step in each and every one of those wonderful contexts, areas of your life? So you know you're creating this. And allow that just to settle in and knowing, knowing, and be curious.

I wonder how rich can this be? Because it's going to be the rest of your life creating the adventure of your life, of enjoyment, of joy, of love, of wonderful adventures, meeting wonderful people, doing all wonderful things, and being the true you, you were meant to be. And with that, take a wonderful in-breath with me. Let it out nice and slow.

And open your eyes. There you go. Open your eyes.

Look around the room, give yourself, well, can you spell your surname backwards just to bring yourself back into the E-I-H-G-U-O-L-C. Cloughie, that's me, backwards. There you go.

It just breaks, whoops, breaksy. Breaks that little thing now. So now we can live that life.

And if you do have that paper and pen, pencil, and if there is anything, I love it in a little book because they carry it around with you because at any moment you could get that intuition, that aha moment. So you can record the things, the insights, the intuitions, the wonderful, ah, that's what I'm going to do. And then you can just let that book inside you to be written as you create it.

If there's anything you need, there are several thousand bloody episodes now of this tiny little podcast. So there's loads of tools, processes here, lots of insights. If you need a help to find something that matches your needs, let me know, feedback at personaldevelopmentunplugged.com. That's my email address.

And I'll try to direct you to different areas. You've also got, because this, some of this is you're going to want to say, well, what type of state do I want to be in? How do I want to plan my future? How do I, this one particular goal that I'm really now so enthused about, how can I go about it? There are, I say, loads of previous episodes. There is a complimentary, I don't like the word free, but it is free, complimentary hypnosis track, 65, six of them at the moment.

I'm going to do more, all different areas of, of change work. So you can just sit down for change and maybe just sit down for a spell and allow them to be your tools for creating the life you want. But most importantly, just take responsibility to live it because it's your responsibility.

I've got mine. I've got to live mine. And part of it is doing this.

I love doing this. If there's anything you need, if you think of, there's an issue, well, you know, then I'm able to direct you to an episode or hypnosis track, but if it's something specific and I'm going to go, ah, got a bloody, I want to do that process now. Let me know.

And I'll do a longer podcast, maybe a short FMQ to sow the seeds. And then we can really dive in deeply just like this. Adapting processes, creating new ones, all the things that I enjoy.

So I'm being really selfish here. So I'm really want to just enjoy doing this type of work as long as I can. As long as I can, as long as the runway is, let me see what I can do.

Have fun. Please share this. I say every bloody time, probably don't, but if you would please share this too.

If you only shared this to a couple of people and they shared it to a couple of people, paying it forward would be awesome because so many people would get to get the change, but if not, okay, fine. But I'd like you to press that subscribe button because every time there's something comes up, you get the opportunity to at worst waste 10 or 20 minutes of your life that you'll never get back. But I don't think it'll ever be a waste.

There'll always be a little golden nugget or something that you can rely on in the future. And then there's all those other, other wonderful podcasts and books and YouTube videos that you can dive into to create too. And I'd love to know the type of things that you listen to, you look, you look at because it might inspire me and I want to learn too.

Anyway, that's it from me. Have more fun than you can stand and simply enjoy creating your life because you can, and it's your responsibility to do it. So there you are.

Go on. Off you go. Go fly.

Unplugged.

Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited

Personal development [self improvement] [self development] [NLP] [Hypnosis]

Writing Your Future

Everyone says, "There's a book inside you."

But what if that book isn't about writing your past… What if it's about writing your future?

In this Five Minute Quickie, Paul takes the metaphor of "the book inside you" and flips it into something powerful — a way to consciously create the next chapters of your life.

Your past chapters? Already written.

Some brilliant. Some messy. All done.

But the unwritten chapters? They're rich with possibility.

And here's the key — you are the author.

In this short episode, you'll begin to:

• Reframe your past through learning and growth

• See your future as unwritten potential

• Fire up your imagination intentionally

• Start designing the emotional tone of your next chapters

• Prepare for a deeper process in the upcoming longer episode

This isn't about fantasy. It's about engaging your unconscious mind through metaphor — the language it understands best — so it can begin spotting opportunities aligned with your dreams.

The only limit?

Your imagination. And you're in charge of that.

Listen now — and become the author of your life, not lived.

Share what you hear https://personaldevelopmentunplugged.com/fmq-526-writing-your-future

Shine Brightly 🌟

Paul

Hey there! I'd love to hear from you—questions, feedback, requests—all welcome. Drop me a line or leave a comment. If you've enjoyed this episode or any other, please share and subscribe! You can reach me at [email protected].

Subscribe to the Podcast

Ready to subscribe? Click here to explore your options. Or, if you're on Apple Music or iTunes, you can go straight to subscribe or leave a review here.

Special Programs for You

For tools on developing Supreme Inner Confidence, finding Freedom from Anxiety, or specialized Hypnosis Tracks, visit PaulCloughOnline.com.

Free Hypnosis Tracks

Want access to my FREE hypnosis tracks? Head over to paulcloughonline.com/podcast.

Connect with Me

Follow me on Twitter: @pcloughie

Remember: I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. This podcast and any of my online resources are for educational purposes only. Never use the hypnosis tracks or exercises if you're operating machinery, driving, or if you have epilepsy or psychiatric conditions. Always consult a healthcare provider if you're unsure.

Find Us on Other Platforms

Catch the podcast on Spotify, Castbox, iHeart Radio, YouTube, or on our Libsyn page.

Stay tuned, and keep shining brightly. ✨

Music Credits

Music by Wataboi from Pixabay, Music by DreamHeaven from Pixabay, Music by ccjmusic from Pixabay, Music by freegroove from Pixabay, Music by prazkhanal from Pixabay.

And the transcript WARNING if you're a lover of the written word this may make you frustrated, or angry - you have been warned - is it an 'ism

FMQ 526 Writing your future

Welcome my friend, welcome to another FMQ. A seed, a seed that I want to sow to generate, create a richness in your life. A life to come, because you've already lived a good chunk of your life, or a part of your life, or what, well you've lived anyway because you're listening here.

But we've got a runway, a runway that needs to be filled I guess, needs to be filled. And I heard the other day, and I forgot to make a note of the guy's name, but someone said, everyone, everyone has a book inside them. I thought, you see I get it when people say that, and people literally think, well I've got this book inside me, I've got to write it.

And some actually do write it. I've written a book, I'm not going to say it's a very good one, but it was all about me giving therapy to myself when I went through a dark period. And it was called It Doesn't Have to Be This Way, because that's the way I felt.

I didn't want it to be this way, and then I created processes to get me out of that. I know another guy, a friend of mine, who's written five books, five, five books, and none of them have ever been printed yet, because he's writing them for himself. He has books inside him that he wanted to write just for himself.

Maybe one day he'll let them out, who knows. But taking that aside, that literal view, everybody's got a book inside them, you know, not everyone wants to write a book, do they? No, not everyone. But I do believe in the metaphor now, because I've got a different take on that.

And in this different take, or with this different take, I'd like to use the metaphor to create something special. I'd like to be able to create a process using the metaphor, if you've got a book inside you, to create the life you dream of, to allow those dreams to become your reality. And that'd be good, because we all have dreams, don't we? And I'm here, well, I'm supporting your dreams.

That's one of my aims for this podcast, to support your dreams and support you in achieving those dreams. You know, get you through the naysayers, the people who throw, metaphorically, throw rocks at our dreams. Sometimes they try to just hold us back, because they don't want to let us go.

But we've all got dreams inside us. And I believe those dreams are on our runway, runway for the rest of our life, or they can be. And you see, if you think about the metaphor of having a book inside you, if you think about it, you've got a dedication where you would give thanks to the people in your life.

You've got chapters, chapters you've already written, the past, the life that you've lived, some shit ones. And there's some great ones, you know, there's some great ones. But there's a huge difference in those chapters.

But they've already been written, haven't they? Well, maybe not the complete dedication, because you know, there may be people you come and find along the way, like the hero's journey. You find mentors, friends, accomplices, people who support you, people who give you maybe a little bit of pushback, the challenges. But the past has already been written.

It's all been done. It's been dusted. You got the t-shirt, you've been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

And you can't you can, because the past is only your perception of the past, isn't it? And when you change, your perception changes. You see, when we can learn things from the past, it changes its role. The past changes role because it has new learnings for you.

You see, when we, you, I, grow by learning from our experiences, those past chapters, we take on the learnings, they go inside, our perception changes, our view of those events of the past change because we have the learnings and our beliefs change. We grow. And then, this is what I think, the unwritten part, the rest of your book, the future that hasn't happened yet and is going to come into the now, hasn't happened yet.

And it's rich in opportunities, isn't it? Wow, it's so rich because you can create those opportunities with new perceptions, new learnings, new dreams, goals, aims in mind, all of that. And the thing is, keeping that metaphor going, you are the author. You get to decide, no other fucker, as soon as we square in, but this came out, but no one else has the right to decide how you write your future, how you live your future.

And that's where we're going to go on the longer podcast. We're going to dive in deeper because I know there's a process in this metaphor that we can find at least one, if not two processes, maybe more, that's going to allow you to follow the metaphor through, but give your unconscious mind, because it follows metaphors and imaginations so much better than you telling it, to create your dreams. So for you to write your dreams, to feel them and then have them come into fruition, wouldn't that be brilliant? So what I'm going to ask you to do, a couple of things.

I want to get your imagination fired up. So I want you to begin to think, if this was a book, how would you like the final chapters to be? I'm going to say finally, you can have as many as you like, and you can make them as rich and imaginative as you want, because it's yours. And as you do that, you'll get a feeling.

So I just want you to think about that for the moment. Just think of the things you'd like to write about, what those chapters may be, if you had that book. And that's what I just want you to think about for the moment.

So when we get into that longer, deeper dive, I can get you to hook into and re-remember thoughts you've had from now until then. I'll also get you to think of even richer ones in the longer podcast. Think again.

That's my aim. So we can take this metaphor and allow your unconscious mind to start creating, looking for opportunities to allow those dreams, those goals in mind, those aims to come to fruition. And maybe your imagination along the way will make them bigger and brighter, because you can.

Because with each successful step in the now, as it comes along, you'll be able to think, well, if I could do this, what else is available to me? And the only limit, is there a limit Cloughie? You're saying there's a limit? Yeah, there is a limit. The limit is only your imagination and you're in charge of that. No other bugger.

So allow your imagination to run wild for what you want, what will make you happy, what will make you feel so good, what will give you joy, what will bring love or any other emotion you want to have. Okay? Because when we get those emotions, everything else will just be right. If you would, just pass this on, pay it forward, so other people can come along into the deeper dive and allow them to write their future.

If you do that, and press that subscribe button. So when the longer, deeper podcast comes along, bing, it flashes up for you. And then you can sit back, find a space, because there'll be, if there's a process, it's probably going to be close your eyes a little bit.

Maybe just have a pad and pen or a pencil just to make a few notes as well. So you can be fully prepared to create what you want. Yeah.

Okay. You go fly my friend. I'll see you on the deeper dive.

So before you leave this unplugged mind of mine, this hypnotic mind, if you enjoyed this podcast or any of the other podcasts, please do subscribe. It helps this podcast grow and affect so many more people. And we love to leave everyone in a better place than we found them.

And this will help help the podcast, it will help you and it will help everyone that you know. So if you can just subscribe and share, share this podcast to everyone you know. That's the only cost, pay it forward to everyone.

And when you do that, boom, we are all going to make a difference to this little old planet earth of ours and the people in it. But let's make a good world, a nice world. Okay.

Okay. You can now prepare to leave this unplugged mind. You are now leaving the unplugged mind of Paul Clough.

It's time to fly. Be brave, my friend. Personal development unplugged.

Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited

Personal development [self improvement] [self development] [NLP] [Hypnosis]

Vulnerability Starts Here – Inside

Everyone's talking about vulnerability… But most of it starts in the wrong place.

In this episode of Personal Development Unplugged, I slow it right down and take the pressure off. Because real vulnerability isn't about oversharing, trauma-dumping, or spilling your guts to the nearest person who'll listen.

It starts inside.

This episode is about learning how to be honest with yourself first — safely, simply, and in a way that actually creates change.

Inside this episode, I guide you through two powerful, practical steps you can use whether you're struggling right now, carrying something from the past, or just want better emotional resilience for whatever comes next.

No forcing. No reliving trauma. No pressure to "open up" before you're ready.

Just awareness, understanding, and control.

What you'll experience in this episode:

• Why vulnerability is often misunderstood (and why oversharing isn't the answer)

• How being honest with yourself changes everything

• A simple internal process to acknowledge emotions without drowning in them

• How to work with the part of you that's been "pushing it down"

• A powerful visualisation to safely explore honesty with someone you respect

• How to gain insight without needing anyone else present

• Why vulnerability doesn't have to be uncomfortable, messy, or embarrassing

• How small internal shifts create real-world confidence and connection

This episode includes guided internal processes and creative visualisation, designed to help your unconscious mind let go of what it no longer needs — gently, respectfully, and effectively.

If you've ever thought: "If only they knew how I really felt…" …this one's for you.

Listen. Experience. Then pay it forward.

https://personaldevelopmentunplugged.com/474-vulnerability-starts-here-inside

Key Takeaways

• Vulnerability starts with honesty to yourself, not exposure to others

• Acknowledging emotions is different from accepting or reliving them

• Internal safety comes before external sharing

• You can gain insight and relief without involving anyone else

• When you feel safe inside, vulnerability becomes natural, not forced

Your Call to Action

If this episode resonated:

• Subscribe so you don't miss the deeper dives

• Share this episode with someone who might need it

• Email me at [email protected] if there's something you want help with

  Shine Brightly 🌟

  Paul

  Hey there! I'd love to hear from you—questions, feedback, requests—all welcome. Drop me a line or leave a comment. If you've enjoyed this episode or any other, please share and subscribe! You can reach me at [email protected].

  Subscribe to the Podcast

  Ready to subscribe? Click here to explore your options. Or, if you're on Apple Music or iTunes, you can go straight to subscribe or leave a review here.

  Special Programs for You

  For tools on developing Supreme Inner Confidence, finding Freedom from Anxiety, or specialized Hypnosis Tracks, visit PaulCloughOnline.com.

  Free Hypnosis Tracks

  Want access to my FREE hypnosis tracks? Head over to paulcloughonline.com/podcast.

  Connect with Me

  Follow me on Twitter: @pcloughie

  Remember: I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. This podcast and any of my online resources are for educational purposes only. Never use the hypnosis tracks or exercises if you're operating machinery, driving, or if you have epilepsy or psychiatric conditions. Always consult a healthcare provider if you're unsure.

  Find Us on Other Platforms

  Catch the podcast on Spotify, Castbox, iHeart Radio, YouTube, or on our Libsyn page.

  Stay tuned, and keep shining brightly. ✨

  Music Credits

  Music by Wataboi from Pixabay, Music by DreamHeaven from Pixabay, Music by ccjmusic from Pixabay, Music by freegroove from Pixabay, Music by prazkhanal from Pixabay.

  And the transcript WARNING if you're a lover of the written word this may make you frustrated, or angry - you have been warned - is it an 'ism

#474 Vulnerability starts here - Inside

So welcome. Vulnerability starts here. If you listen to FMQ 525, you'll have got into a little bit where we said, or I said, it seems to me like everyone, everyone and his bloody dog seems to go on about being so bloody vulnerable.

You know, just spill it all out there. As if it's that easy. Just spill it out.

Just all out to anybody, whoever's there, whoever's close enough to listen. Now, for most of us, it's not that easy. Because it's private, isn't it? Don't like to share these things.

And really, sometimes and most of the time, it's not usually appropriate because maybe the circumstance or the context is not appropriate, or the person you're sharing with. It's not an appropriate person to share it with. And most of all, you need to be, well, be vulnerable.

You can't be vulnerable to every dick, Tom or Harry or Tom, Dick and Harry, as we say in the UK. And I want to take the pressure off. Because I know you're not one of these people who just, you know, spill it all out.

Because that's inappropriate. You know, sometimes you had it when someone tells you too much too soon. You know, it's overwhelming.

And it's embarrassing, isn't it? You hide, you want to get away. And you don't want to be that person. And you're not that person.

So I want to take the pressure off. And I want to take the pressure off by sharing with you some very simple first steps. Simple first steps, we know what simplicity is.

Simplicity is genius. In simplicity, there's genius. And these steps, well, I think they just work.

Because they work in a very special way. They start at the core. And I believe it will allow you to be in control.

Be in control and truly understand your specific vulnerability, because everyone's bloody different, isn't it? But these two steps, processes, call them what you will. They allow for that. They allow the general, but they're specific, because they allow you to add to the process, your specific needs, your specific issue.

Because I've designed it so they're just for you. And I think that's something that, well, it's just going to work. Now, way back in that FMQ, I sort of hinted, or I might have been very direct.

Being vulnerable, I think, is about being honest. Honest with ourselves first. Fuck the rest.

It's about being honest with ourselves first. No excuses. No reasons why you can't understand, or don't want to understand, because we're going to find out.

You know, we've got that confirmation bias, we're going to put that to one side. No excuses, because when you become vulnerable to yourself, I believe things just get different. They become different.

They become easy to understand. And it's the understanding of our issues, from a distance, not in it. Can't read the label when you're in the jar, but we're just going to be honest.

And in that way, we don't need to ask for help at this moment, because when we suffer, when we suffer issues and don't ask for help, it's like pushing it down, doesn't it? Because being vulnerable to others, and it is helpful, by the way, it is helpful when we've done these two processes, by the way, these two steps. Being vulnerable to others and being honest, it's really fucking hard. But when you get this understanding, and you find the right person, man, it'll change.

And you don't always have to find the right person to be vulnerable to. Because when you go through these steps, being vulnerable can just be like being yourself. And what would that be like? Being yourself in amongst others, and with yourself.

That'd be awesome, wouldn't it? I know that feeling. I've struggled with that feeling. And it's a dream.

At that time, it was a dream to be so open, but in control of that openness. But what tends to happen, I think is, and if you're like me, you're going through an issue. And you're thinking, if only they knew how bad I feel, if only you over there knew how bad I feel, how isolated I feel, how alone this feeling makes me inside now, frightened, scared.

Sometimes you're scared to face it. Because it's uncomfortable. But follow me, come with me, because it doesn't have to be uncomfortable.

Because we don't have to know, we no longer then have to push it down. We don't. We're not going to push it down.

You see, and you may be thinking, you may be thinking to yourself, well, I'm listening to this old boy, this Cloughie, and I don't seem to have those issues. I'm fine. I don't think you're being honest.

Not that, not right now, maybe you're fine right now, but you've had issues in the past. Well, I bet you haven't shared it. Maybe you had that little voice, if only they knew.

I'm a little bit frightened. I'm a little bit isolated. I'm a little bit alone.

I feel frightened and scared. Push it down a little bit. Don't want to deal with it.

You've had them in the past, maybe. If you haven't, that's awesome. You've dealt with it.

But you may know somebody who's going through this. You might see the signs of them holding it down. Because we say, what we do is we just push it down.

And I think I said that saying, push it down, buttercup. Let's just get on with it. But no, we're going to get on with it, but go through these steps.

You see, the first thing I think we do when I say be honest, be honest with ourselves, we need to acknowledge for ourselves or to ourselves how we really feel, how we really feel, and just sit with it. That may be the one and only step you have to do. If it's small, if it's a small issue, and you don't like this, but I don't want to talk about it.

Just sit with that feeling, sit in the middle of that emotion. And sometimes just sitting with it, you'll begin to understand it. You're not accepting it, by the way.

I always say this, never accept it, just acknowledge it. Because it's happening, it's happening right now. So when you get that emotion, that feeling, sit in it.

How do you do that? Well, find where it is in your body, just close your eyes and just notice where it is in your body. And just put your attention on it. Just sit with it.

Maybe you can just understand what you can learn from it. I wonder what this feeling is doing for me. What is it trying to do for me? And sometimes we get that aha moment, or the understanding, or just sometimes, just literally becoming aware, sitting in that emotion will allow it to disappear because it's been acknowledged, because most of the time, as we say, we're pushing it down, pushing it away, doing everything we bloody can.

And the more you push things away, the more you push it down, the more it will get stronger and push it back and push it up. And so just by acknowledging it, you go, okay, you're here. Think your fear.

I think you're frightened, or whatever emotion it is. And just sit with it. And then just let it go.

It's like stepping away from those biases, stepping away from hiding, just sitting there. And you see, as an example, in some of the therapy that I, my sons do, and a lot of people do, by the way, it's called timeline therapy. See, if we can see, well, not necessarily see, but become aware, because you don't always see these things.

So don't worry if you can't, well, I can't see this feeling, I can't feel it, just notice it. It's an awareness. And if we can become aware of these emotions from different angles, we can learn.

And that's the whole basis of timeline therapy, being able to let your unconscious mind learn what it needs to learn from the very root cause of this issue. When it learns what it needs to learn, the emotion, and the limiting belief attached to that emotion, that event, that very first event, the root cause of all of this. Well, it just disappears because you have what you needed to learn.

And when you have those learnings, the emotion is no longer appropriate, it doesn't, it's not needed. The emotions are only there because you haven't learned from it. But that requires you going to see someone who is a practitioner of timeline therapy.

And if you can find one, and there are loads and loads of them out, you will get the respite you need. You'll be free, free to go and find some more issues. So I'd suggest that.

But there's a but and an and. If you go there, great, but what we're going to do, these two steps are going to help anyway. And even if you haven't got an issue, you can imagine an issue from the past and work in these two steps to understand the processes too.

Maybe you'll learn a little bit more about what happened in the past. And maybe you just let those little echoes go too. So here's what I want you to do.

And it's be about being honest, honest, first of all, step one, honest with ourselves. Now this is ever so easy. Because what I want you to do, it's going to mean closing your eyes, you don't have to close your eyes.

But if you close your eyes, it just makes it that little bit more easier. Because there's less distractions around. And you can focus, focus on the process, because that's what I want you to do.

Give yourself permission to spend a few minutes playing with this process, because we're going to have fun doing it. Serious fun. And then just let it go.

So if it's okay with you, remember, I'm a therapist, but not your therapist. But we're just going to learn. Here's what I want you to do.

Let's imagine in front of you there's another you. Well in fact it's you, but it's this issue, this thing that you've been pushing down, you don't want to, you know, you've been getting away from it, but now it's here. Just ask, just notice, become aware that you can have that issue in itself, be in front of you.

May have a shape, may have a colour, might even look like yourself, who knows? It'll be what it'll be and it is what it is. It might be that you just have an awareness of the essence and the energy of that issue in front of you. So it's anything from awareness to being aware of something else there and just sit with that for the moment.

This is like just becoming aware of your issue, acknowledging it. So you just acknowledge it. Maybe you want to thank it.

You go, what? Thank it? Yeah, because it's trying to do something for you, hasn't gone away, it's been persistent, it's been consistent, because it wants to help you. Now, what we're going to do is ask this issue a question in a moment. Why do we ask it a question? Because we want to either find the answer, because when we get the learnings, things disappear.

Or we're going to loosen the model of the world, loosen that issue just a little bit by giving it the acknowledgement that it needs, then it can start helping you in a different way. Especially when you ask this question or two questions. There's two questions I want you to ask of this issue.

Maybe think of it as a part of you that's running this issue. That's another way to look at it or be aware of it. There's a part of you that's running this issue.

Because that's how we talk sometimes, isn't it? There's this part of me that just keeps doing this. Well, have that part come out in front of you. If that's an easy way to become aware.

So you say, ask that part to come out in front of you and ask, what can I learn from you? What do you want me to know? The learnings of which and the knowings of which will allow these negative emotions, maybe the limiting belief and inappropriate behaviours to just disappear because I'll have what I need to learn, what I need to know. And sit with that for a moment. Just sit with it.

Notice the response you get. And it might be just like an understanding. Just an understanding.

Yeah, just do that. What do you want me to learn? What do I need to know? The knowing of which, the learning of which will allow you to disappear. Because I'll have what I need to learn and know.

There, that's, you know, you're asking lovely questions. Acknowledging that there is something to learn. You've thanked that part.

For looking after you, for keeping you safe. But it's time to stand down. And notice what you get.

Maybe you do get a voice, like a conversation. Maybe it's just an understanding, an awareness, an intuition. And if you don't get one now, I think you'll get an understanding when maybe you're just doing something completely different.

Maybe just going for a walk, maybe being quiet. You'll suddenly get, oh, now I understand. And you can just thank it and let it go.

Now there is another question, another question you can ask. Because sometimes, that part of you, the part of you that's running this little issue, been pushed down so long. It's been ignored, isn't it? You've been pushing it away.

But sometimes if we ask this other question, simple little question, but this time it's like roles reversed. You're saying, well, what can I do for you? What would you like me to do for you? What is it you need from me that will allow you to support me in a better way? Allow me to be safe in a more, in a comfortable way? What is it you need from me? What can I do from you? And once you say that, let my words, if need be, become your voice to that part of you. What can I do for you? And just listen.

Listen with all your senses. Maybe you'll see something in your mind's eye. Maybe you'll hear what it needs.

Maybe you'll feel intuitively, just understand what this part needs from you. When I do this, a lot of the times I just get, please acknowledge me. Just this thank you, but just acknowledge me for being here.

I've felt ignored for such a long time because this part of you could be so young. Just acknowledge me and that's it. Recognise me.

And sometimes when I do this, most of the time I do this and I get that, it's as if everything just disappears. And I feel so different. I feel resourceful.

I feel open. And then I can feel gratitude. Gratitude for that part of me and gratitude for the whole of me.

Yeah. So that's one, one simple step. Just sit there for a moment.

That's right. And you can obviously repeat this if you want to go and maybe, well, I've listened to this because I wanted to understand the process Paul, but I'm going to come back. I'll just bookmark that, that point in time of this episode and then come back to that.

And here's a second step though. Now, what I've said to you right at the very beginning is being vulnerable to others, being honest with others, how you feel, how, because you'd like to share it with somebody. You'd like someone, maybe just a little bit of advice, a little bit of help.

And that's, as I said to you, and I did swear, I said, it's fucking hard. You know, you might be embarrassed, you know, because people, you think people think of you in one way, you know, and you, I'm embarrassed that to admit that I'm feeling this particular way. Well, the second step is so wonderful, so easy and wonderful.

Is there somebody who you would like to share this with? And the beauty of this, this wonderful genius step is it doesn't have to be somebody, you know, but well, there may be someone who you respect in your, in your company, you know, you're the people that you know, friends that you just know would help. And that's cool. We could pick one of those or pick the one, but say there's somebody who you really respect that you haven't met.

You've maybe read an autobiography, read about them, maybe seen them on YouTube. Maybe you've seen them on videos or whatever. But there's somebody who you really respect.

Maybe they've gone through the type of issue that you're pushing down that you haven't told anybody about. And you can pick them because this is what we're going to do. And it's a lovely process.

It's called perceptual positions if you want to know what the NLP process is that I'm using. But here's what we're going to do. You see, you're looking through your own eyes and in front of you, invite that person.

Oh, let's just rewind. Let's just rewind. Let's just, we're going to close our eyes again.

You may want to move around a little bit on this one, or you can just do it in your mind's eye. If you're going to move around, what happens is you're going to imagine seeing that person in front of you, just over there, maybe a couple of yards away, a couple of meters away. And you're going to talk to them.

And then you're going to walk into that position, turn around and look back where you were as if you're looking back at yourself. And imagine yourself being there. And imagine as you step into that, that person's position, you become them for a moment and give and talk.

I'll take you through the whole process, but we're going to go backwards and forwards. So here's what we're going to do. So if you want to close your eyes, that's fine.

Or just imagine that person in front of you. Maybe it's a friend, or maybe it's someone you've never met, dead or alive, they're alive in front of you. That person you respect.

And you know about this issue, you know what you're frightened about, or you're scared. Or maybe you're feeling alone, and you don't know what to do. Whatever your issue is, with your internal voice, you can say out loud, but it might be a bit creepy to the people around you.

But with your internal voice, just speak to that person over there, imagine them over there and speak to them, tell them what your issue is, how you feel, what you want to know, what type of help you would like. Maybe it's just talking, maybe you want some, some instruction or help. But just be honest.

And this is that honest thing. No one's bloody looking, because it's in your mind, it's in your mind's eye, your imagination, your imagineering. But it just works.

So be honest, and say what you'd like to say. No one's listening. Only them.

And then imagine. Imagine floating out into them, looking back at you, or walk into that position that two meters away, two yards away, into that place where you saw them, imagine them, turn around and look back to where you were. Imagine seeing yourself.

And intuitively, allow the words from them to come back to you. What will they say? What are they saying? What are they sharing with you? Be them and share it with yourself over there. Let the words just flow.

Internally, just allow the words to flow. Because you've listened to the question from you over there. And now you're responding.

And as you respond, just notice how you over there changes maybe a little bit as they listen to the answer. And then in your mind's eye or physically walk back to the position where you were. Turn to face them, imagine them still there.

And again, now just allow what they said to come back again. It's like repeating it. So you get it twice.

So you get the meaning, the essence, the energy of their response. And as you intuitively understand that response, what would you like to ask again? What is your response to their response? And with an internal voice, say what you want to say. Maybe you want it a little bit more explicit, maybe more specific, more help.

Maybe it's giving you a little bit of, oh, that's food for thought. And say the words, internal voice, ask again, just to make sure. And then imagine floating out into that person again, or physically walk over to that spot, into that spot, look back at you and allow the responses to come back.

Allow their words to come to you. And then when that response is done, imagine floating back into you again, or walking back into that position. So you're you, we're always us.

Listen to that response again. Now you have something now you can work upon and you can come back here to this point in this episode to continue this dialogue. But before we do that, there's something else we're going to do.

So you are back in yourself. You are seeing, you're aware of that person in front of you. And now I want you to imagine floating way up out of your body and above the two of you.

Doesn't matter how high you float. You can float really high to get real distance, to really dissociate now from you and look down upon that conversation that you've just had. Maybe it'll just replay itself backwards and forwards.

But from here, in this wonderful meta view, this like directorship view, where you have no emotion connected to the issue anymore, because you're dissociated. And you get another understanding of what's happening. You get another learning, something that you can give back to yourself.

And imagine as you just intuitively get that, ah, from here, you can beam that answer, beam that information, beam that support that you've gleamed from up here, from down there, beam it back to you. In fact, you can beam it down to both. So they both learn.

And as you do that, just notice what you're learning. And then here's a trick, float down into the other person and then back into you. So we complete the full loop.

We complete everything. We are now back in ourselves. And in fact, if you want to just, with your hand, just touch your heart, just maybe give it a little rub, just your heart.

So you know you're back in your body. This is me. Yeah.

Now what I want you to do now is reflect, just reflect for a moment, maybe, and ideally, write down what you've learned. Because when you write it down, you get to see it, you let it, as if it were all that knowledge, channel into the pen, the pencil, onto that paper. And you've got it forever then.

Never disappear then, is it? It's a lovely reminder. Maybe you put it in your journal. And just reflect on the learnings.

And maybe with those learnings, you'll be able to create that first step, a small step. Doesn't have to be a big step. What is a smaller step now that you can begin to plan and schedule and do from the learnings that you've got? You know, what's the one step, the one smaller step that I could do now from these learnings? What a wonderful question.

And then maybe you want to talk to people about this, because you can. You can certainly share the episode. Oh, got in there, Cloughie.

Share it, pay it forward. Because this is what it's all about, isn't it? That's the only charge for these episodes, is I'd like you to pay it forward. Ideally, pay it forward to more than one person.

So we affect and infect more people with giving them the tools to change, the tools to let go of issues. And the thing is, as I said before, you may not have an issue at the moment. But if anything ever does happen, because they do occasionally, things come and just rock your world a little bit.

You could now remember, ah, what was that thing? Was it hashtag 474? I don't remember what the number is, it's going to be, but you know, vulnerability starts here. Oh, I remember. I'm going to do that process.

You never know, I might put this on to the other website where I have 66, I think now, hypnosis and NLP processes, all for you, all complimentary. No credit cards and all that rubbish. Now you just sign in, sign up, boom, get your link, and you're away and you can download them.

You can do whatever you like. I'll put the 60 or I think it's the 90 seconds of hypnosis at the end of this track, end of this episode. So you can get to this, but just think, how easy was that? Did we go into the emotions of relive everything that was going on? No, we didn't, we just acknowledged it.

Yeah, sat in it, didn't do anything with it, though, just acknowledged it. And they just tend to disappear. And these will always, if you want to go into one-to-one therapy, this will help anyway, because it gives you an insight in how you can share it with your therapist.

You'll have some underlying or underlying, you know, some knowledge anyway, some understanding. I hope you enjoyed that. I love, well, I hope you love the way I'm now changing the dynamics of personal development unplugged in the way that I'm trying to get more and more processes in here, not just waffle, not just talk.

There's so many people talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, and don't give you the real nuts and bolts, the real keys, the real processes, the real steps. And that's what I'm doing here. I want to take everything that I know and share it with as many people as I can.

And if you can say, pay it forward, and maybe they would then subscribe like you've subscribed, haven't you? If you could, if you haven't subscribed, just press the subscribe button wherever you listen to this bloody thing. So you're going to get them every week. You know, you get the FM cues, which is like the seed of the next longer episode.

So I'm doing it now. So we get an understanding where we're going. And then we can prepare for it in our mind just a little bit.

Oh, can I learn, set your intention, then you listen to the episode, we do the processes, and boom, you're going to change. I'm going to talk about I just made a note this morning about an episode I want to do talking about, you know, why we do this change and the ripples of change, what happens to them when we change one thing in our life? What happens? I'm not gonna tell you what happens, because that's for the other episode. But I've got wonderful things I want to talk to you about in my mind's eye, and in my little notebooks and in my whatever, all my notes, we're gonna do some great stuff.

So I just hope you'll come along with me. I hope you enjoyed it. If there's anything you want to want me to talk about, if there's any process that you'd like me to explain, if you know a process, but you don't understand, I'll do my best.

But if there's an issue that you're having ago, I'm still need a bit of help with this fluffy. Send me an email personal. No, what is it? It's called feedback, [email protected]. Do that.

And the only bugger here gets it won't go anywhere else. And you'll get a personal reply from me and probably a longer episode all to yourself that everyone else will get the benefit from. And obviously, there's no names.

Everything is anonymous, apart from me, because I'm Paul, Paul Clough. So enjoy. Have more fun than you can stand.

And yeah, go play and have fun.

Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited

Personal development [self improvement] [self development] [NLP] [Hypnosis]