A four-year-old melting down at school drop-off... A 21-month-old who's started pulling her own hair when she's frustrated or overwhelmed... Two very different situations—but the same missing piece. Janet explains why our instinct to soothe, distract, or push past our kids' hard feelings during transitions often backfires, and why doing the opposite—openly "going there" to explore the situational discomforts kids may experience, even when we can't fix them—is what actually helps kids feel less alone and more able to move through them.

Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

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What do we do when our child erupts into a full-blown tantrum—suddenly becoming what author Loryn Brantz calls a "spicy nugget"? The award-winning author and illustrator returns to Unruffled to talk about her new children's book, "I Am a Spicy Nugget." Loryn and Janet unpack what actually happens in those moments—for the child, and for the adult trying not to make it worse—including what's happening for kids when they become overwhelmed, and why the best response may be to do less, not more, and let the storm pass. Loryn's book is inspired by her own experiences raising sometimes-spicy kids.

Loryn's book "I Am a Spicy Nugget" is at: https://bit.ly/4cH7VgN

Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

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A two-and-a-half-year-old has become increasingly anxious and fearful. She often becomes overwhelmed but can't explain what's wrong beyond saying she's scared, and she wants to be picked up or removed from the situation. Her mom wonders where comfort ends and reinforcing the fear begins: “How do we give her the comfort and security she clearly needs while helping her learn that she can feel scared and still be safe?” Janet explores what may really be going on and how parents can respond in a way that respects the feelings without exacerbating them.

Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

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How frustrating is it when our kids won't listen! A parent describes her exhausting visit to a relative's house that wasn't baby-proofed. Her 15-month old son became fixated on climbing stairs. She tried to use what she understands as gentle discipline to keep him safe, but after repeatedly saying, "I won't let you..." and then resorting to removing him from the stairs, she grew frustrated, took him outside for a walk, and then "spent most of it chastising myself for completely failing.” Janet explains that far from failing, this parent is merely missing something, and she offers a simple reframe that will make setting boundaries much simpler, more effective, and less frustrating for all concerned. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

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A parent is shaken when her five-year-old begins talking about death and saying she wants to die. Is this a warning sign? Shouldn't she be alarmed? Janet explains why these frightening statements—while they should always be taken seriously—are often very different from what parents fear, and why our instinct to reassure, explain, or shut the conversation down can unintentionally make things worse. She shares a compassionate approach that helps children feel safe enough to work through even their most unsettling thoughts.

Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

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A parent describes her 3.5-year-old as fun, loud, and opinionated at home, but "painfully shy in every other social setting," even with relatives and peers she knows well. She's greeted with enthusiasm but won't join in. Instead, she asks her parent to play with her. This issue is especially noticeable at gymnastics, where she'll happily do an activity, then suddenly refuse to continue. No amount of encouragement will get her to budge. "It's like once she clams up, she can't get out of it." With preschool just around the corner, this parent wonders how she can help her daughter feel more comfortable around other children. Janet offers an alternative perspective on this child's behavior and explains how it will further this mom's goal to help her daughter "feel confident and happy and proud of who she is." 

Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

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A mother fears she's repeating the negative patterns that shaped her childhood and wonders if it's already too late to change. She writes that her mother used “guilt trips, the silent treatment, hitting, and what I would deem psychological abuse... She is who I learned to parent from.” While she has tried patience and reasoning with her kids, she still finds herself using harsh tones, lecturing, and yelling. "I don't know how to fix it." Janet explains why breaking these cycles isn't about becoming a perfect parent, but understanding the messages we received as kids and how they may have affected us, so that we can learn to trust ourselves to lead with clarity and confidence. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

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A two-year-old's adjustment to a small in-home childcare setting isn't going well. She cries through much of day, flits from activity to activity, and seeks constant validation from the caregiver, repeatedly asking, "Do you like me?" This caregiver, who is also a parent of two toddlers, is baffled as to how she might be contributing to this apparent insecurity and wonders if the girl would be happier somewhere else. She's also feeling drained and overwhelmed by the situation. Janet offers her perspective on what is really behind this toddler's tears and questions—and why trusting the child's process, rather than reacting with concern and trying to fix it, may be the very thing that helps her feel safe.

Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

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What if the parenting approach that's supposed to make family life easier is actually making it harder? Many parents are discovering that what they thought was "gentle parenting" leaves them exhausted, second-guessing themselves, and struggling to set limits. Janet explains why the answer isn't a different label — it's confident leadership — and how this shift can transform family life, strengthen relationships, help children feel secure, and make parenting calmer, clearer, and far more effective.

Dr. Laura Dawson's full article from Brown University Health: https://sl1nk.com/y0rak90

Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

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Can we be authentic with our kids without making them feel rejected? Is it wrong to find their behavior so annoying at times? A parent worries that saying "I don't want a hug right now" when she's feeling angry or annoyed will damage her relationship with her 3-year-old. Janet explores what genuine authenticity looks like with children, and how understanding a child's behavior makes it easier to respond with confidence and connection. 

Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

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A parent writes that her 5-year-old consistently resists getting dressed, brushing her hair, bathing, or brushing her teeth. "What starts as a simple transition can turn into an hour-long battle, with both of us ending up overwhelmed and the task often still unfinished." This mom has tried everything she can think of—timers, countdowns, reward charts, silly games, punishments—but nothing seems to help. Janet explains why these well-meaning strategies can sometimes work against connection, reframes what these daily struggles may really be asking of us, and offers a perspective on confidence that could change the way this parent approaches the next difficult moment.

Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

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