This week Kelly and Katai read ROYAL DIARIES: CLEOPATRA VII, DAUGHTER OF THE NILE by Kristina Gregory, the touching story of Cleopatra when she was apparently at her most boring. They talk never choosing a Pilgrim-ass bitch, getting turned around which Ptolemy is which, Marc Antony being a perv, being pro-Christ pre-Christ, and more!

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This week Kelly and Katai read WHAT HOLLY HEARD by R.L. Stine, the touching story of a school gossip who gets killed for something totally unrelated to her gossiping. They talk hating your friends, sentimental hammers, wild hamsters, eclipses aka little C's, how to recognize one another's clones, and more!

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This week Kelly and Katai read THE BAD SEED by William March, the touching story of a homicidal sociopath who happens to be a nine-year-old girl with Heidi braids. They talk distant narrators, creepy girls, Christine taking forever to decide shit, hating Leroy, and more!

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This week Kelly and Katai read THE SILVER KISS by Annette Curtis Klause, the actually touching story of a girl who falls in love with a beautiful vampire boy while losing her mom to cancer. They talk loving the book, Simon's dorky first person narrative, giving teen problems their due, cry about a cat, and more!

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This week Kelly and Katai are joined by Sweet Valley High Correspondent and America's Sweetheart, Ryan Mogge, to talk SWEET VALLEY HIGH #110: DEATH THREAT by Kate William. They talk A+ side plots, Jessica being a waste of Wakefield DNA, lack of ghostwriter communication, Jeremy being a creeper, failed Bruce as Porsche AI, Todd's Hitler 'stache, and more!

Thank you to https://sixteenandperfectforever.wordpress.com/ for the recaps

Failed Bruce AI:

https://getimg.ai/img/img-ui2qHwgOVbBmMRM30RmY0

https://getimg.ai/img/img-OkPDmIMAqvm13E8p6Zj4e

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This week Kelly and Katai are joined by Teen Creeps Lo Dunc Correspondent and the handsomest Lo Dunc boy, Patrick Ehlers (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Sourcebook, Nintendo Cartridge Society) to discuss maybe the all-time worst entry in the Lo Dunc Verse, DON'T LOOK BEHIND YOU, the story of the stupidest little idiot ever to enter into witness protection. They talk Lois Duncan writing her biases, Mommy Sues, THE LETTER (RIP Jim), accepting mediocrity, and more!

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This week Kelly and Katai read THE VAMPIRE DIARIES #1: THE AWAKENING by L.J. Smith, the story of two vampire brothers and the human girl who definitely only loves one of them. They talk missing Night World, Katherine's psychotic thruple or die ultimatum, how vampires need to stop enrolling in high school, debate a Dear Prudence letter that it turns out Katai largely misremembered, and do their very best German and Italian accents.

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This week Kelly and Katai read surprise gem WHEN NO ONE WAS LOOKING by Rosemary Wells, the story of a rising teen tennis star who questions everything when a rival drowns. They talk being happy with your hobby, toxic sports parents, classism, embodying white noise, and how Oliver English needs to get his own fucking life.

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This week Kelly and Katai read the middle grade classic WAIT TILL HELEN COMES by Mary Downing Hahn. They talk hating Heather even now, Dave being the absolute fucking worst, feeling for Helen, classic covers, and did they mention Dave fucking sucks?

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This week Kelly and Katai read SATI by Christopher Pike, the story of a blonde white woman who claims to be God and makes really good shortbread cookies. They talk meditation, the Love Has Won cult, God's terrible bedside manner, loving a small story, and reveal how little they know about the Dalai Lama.

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Happy Valentine’s Day! This week Kelly and Katai welcome back Teen Creeps Film Correspondent/ray of light Oscar Montoya (Minx, Eurovangelists) to discuss 1981’s “My Bloody Valentine.” They talk loving Hollis, the travesty of 3D, juicy jeaned men, the joys of being a miner, who deserves a musical comeback, and Katai has not one but two mom-brain moments.

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