Episode 2! We made it. It’s slightly late, it’s full of sidetracks, it’s everything you love about Anxious & Insecure, plus some iffy instructions for how to use a menstrual cup!

https://anxiousandinsecure.files.wordpress.com/2019/02/s2-episode-2-edit.mp3

We’re back.

No, it’s not a mirage. Oli and Arthur are back in your ears and less able to follow their own trails of thought than ever!

In this episode, we discuss environmental issues, political turmoil, inter-generational conflict, mental health, and eggs. Obviously.

Want to hear more? Then listen. It’s a podcast, duh.

https://anxiousandinsecure.files.wordpress.com/2019/02/s2e1-real-edited.mp3

They don’t want you to talk about money.

We live in a world where consumerism is everywhere, and there’s always something new and better to buy.

But we also live in a world where a lot (like, a really gross amount) of people can barely afford to get by. And plenty can’t even afford that.

Weirdly – except not weirdly at all, but more on that later – there is also a great big taboo around talking about money. If you’re having money troubles, you keep quiet about your shameful secret.

Here’s the thing: DON’T DO THAT.

This could be you, awesome

Money is difficult to handle.

Not everyone is good with budgeting. You should be able to ask for help creating or managing a budget without feeling ashamed.

You should also be able to talk about your budget openly, and say “I can’t afford it” without shame.

Keeping up appearances is a bunch of bollocks. Living beyond your means to make people think you’re more financially successful is stupid.

If you have a different reason for doing it, or it’s for safety or security somehow, I get that. The problem here isn’t you, it’s the situation or society that makes you think you have to appear financially secure or successful.

Don’t live beyond your means to keep up appearances.

It’s okay to get your bread one slice at a time

Talk about money at work because you know your worth and you need to be able to ask for it.

People who don’t know the average wage for their job don’t know if they’re on it. It’s in the interests of the people who have all the money to keep what they’re paying people a secret.

They don’t want you to talk about money. They don’t want you to stop yourself from buying things you can’t afford.

I’m trying not to sound like too much of a conspiracy theory hippy, but fuck it. The Man wants to pay you nothing and encourage you to spend more and more.

Them You

“I can’t afford it” is not a shameful statement. Not to you, it’s shameful to capitalism and consumerism. Anyone who shamed you for not having money doesn’t understand the value of money

Be the change

Don’t shame other people for not having money. Even something as simple as “don’t be so boring” is disrespectful. It just is, sorry to be the one to tell you but if you’re calling me boring because I have no money, you’re the problem.

HELP THEM, THEY’RE POOR

Understand that your friends can’t afford to go to dinner. Cook at home, together.

They can’t afford the gym? Go do yoga or boxercise in their bedroom.

No cinema trip? Netflix and don’t make it weird. You can make your own popcorn.

Or go do it by yourself, and leave them in peace.

A wise and treasured man once gave me some advice about multitasking.

Look, if you don’t treasure Ron Swanson, you’re wrong.

Think about this clearly for a minute.

Obviously, we’re all busy. Some of us have incredibly successful blog/podcast brands to run. Some of us have to set aside time to lie to people about the success of their blog/podcast brand.

Others are, apparently, grown-ups who have proper jobs and responsibilities. HMU I have questions for you.

Everyone has a lot going on, and more stuff popping up every day. But at the same time, we’re all just one person. We’ve got one brain, one body, and no magical powers (sorry, Potterheads)

There is clearly no system to this packing, it’s just magical chaos. D-

I’m not saying you can only do one thing at a time. But the culture of being constantly productive, spinning multiple plates and having countless projects on the go is not only pointless, it’s dangerous.

The emphasis shouldn’t be on getting the most done. Put your own emphasis on getting the best done.

Whole-ass one thing.

If you’re spreading yourself too thin, you’ll overstretch sooner than you think. You’ll wear yourself out, get over stressed, and start resenting what you’re doing in the first place.

Not to mention, your work will suffer. Whoever you are, balls will be dropped and details will be missed.

This guy is so overloaded he hasn’t realised his computer died 20 minutes ago

The most important thing – and I know what you people are like, so don’t even try me here – is to not feel guilty about being focussed.

We are constantly bombarded by events, activities, and things people need from us.

All that on top of what we need to be doing for ourselves.

One of the hardest things we have to teach ourselves is how to prioritise correctly. What is most urgent, who needs my help more, how long will this take me? It’s difficult to do, but it will be so much better for everyone than a fragmented, delayed approach.

And if anybody complains, ask them how many other things they need to be doing with their time.

Then just ignore them and keep on doing you. You are a rock, you are an island, you are the picture of focus.

You’re probably also hungry, go have some lunch.

One of those platitudes that many people love to throw about about hardships is that they make you stronger.

These people are wrong. Perhaps they are well-meaning (oh dear), or perhaps they have not really dealt with significant hardship (double dear), but the fact remains that they are wrong.

You aren’t strong because you suffer, you are strong and you suffer.

Now, and I’m simplifying drastically here, I’ve found that most hardships fall into 3 categories. To mis-quote an old white man; some are born with hardship, some achieve hardship, and some have hardship thrust upon them.

People are born into difficult circumstances, or with an illness, say. Some fall into difficult circumstance or fall ill. Some are taken advantage of, displaced, abused or face some other thrusting of pain upon them.

The idea that you have to overcome hardship to become a better person is fatally flawed. It’s an excuse for the privileged to be bad people, and a way for them to keep the underprivileged in their place.

“Oh, you’re suffering? You have to overcome that yourself. If you’re given help, you won’t learn. I earned my success.”

Two people can be equally strong, but if one is bogged down by circumstance, and the other is not, which do you think will succeed faster?

Okay, sure, your suffering and your hardships make you who you are. If you grow up in poverty and it inspires you to use your strength to push yourself towards success or devote your life to helping others, fantastic.

But that doesn’t mean you should be grateful that you were born poor.

“Thank goodness I was abused, now I can be a good person.”
“I am a good person, and I have been abused.”
Which one of these makes more sense to you?

Being grateful for your hardship makes you placid. It tells others that you not only accept it, but welcome it.

Anybody who says you should be grateful is undermining the struggle you’ve been through and the things you’ve achieved.

Instead, look at your situation and get angry. Look at what has brought this hardship upon you and make it your mission to get rid of that thing.

Or, just survive. Sometimes that’s all you can manage, and that’s okay. Sometimes that’s more than you can manage, and that’s okay, too.

Ready for a bedtime story? Be warned, this one might give some of you nightmares.

A young woman was travelling home from work. As she stood on the crowded tube carriage, she realised she would have to move slightly to let other passengers off.

So she did. Everyone by the doors shuffled into what little space they could find to clear a path, and there was a silent understanding that any jostling was unintentional but necessary.

As the doors closed and the passengers settled back into passably-comfortable positions, the woman looked up.

The man in front of her was staring directly into her eyes.

“Sorry for getting in your personal space,” he said. She smiled and assured him it was fine, not to worry, and then she looked back down to her knock-off Candy Crush game.

Gotta match those sweets, man

For the next few stations, a pattern emerged. She would feel someone looking at her, look up, and be faced with the same man, his same expression, and the same apology about personal space. She smiled, more and more uncomfortably, and tried to laugh it off each time. He continued to stare.

Sometimes, she would move to a new spot in the carriage, as space opened around her. He followed every time. He stared. He apologised for being in her personal space.

Eventually, she started ignoring her instinct to look up even though she could still feel him watching her. She played her game more intently. She looked out the window and waited for her stop, speeding off the platform as soon as the doors were half-open.

She didn’t look back. She barely looked up as she walked.

Not scary enough to give you nightmares? Fine: there was also a haunted doll, or something that creaked.

But what about if something like that happens to you practically every few days? It may not be a horror movie in the making, but it’s enough to send chills down your spine. Sometimes it’s worse than this story, sometimes it’s not as intrusive, but it always affects you.

Especially if it’s something you’re constantly “haunted” by.

Is this what you people want from me? Legitimate everyday fears aren’t enough for you??

If you haven’t read this thread on Twitter, you really should.

A quick reminder for men: Common events for you can turn into really scary situations for women in a snap.

Case in point: This week I listed a clothes dryer on the Letgo app. Because it was a dryer, a neutral meeting location was impractical. I needed it taken out of my house.

— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) 7 October 2018

The tweet that resonated the most with me was this one:

So I do what women do, lower my eyes, pretend to laugh a little, start lifting faster. The comments and staring hey worse but I try to block them out. As soon as I am free of the basement I walk straight past him to my phone, wait 5 seconds, and say, “honey, the buyer is here!”

— SaraSuze (@tragedythyme) 7 October, 2018

Lower your eyes, pretend to laugh a little, try and hurry the situation along. We do it without even thinking, just instinctively.

We do this because we’re afraid, but we don’t want the person (or people) to know. We don’t want them to see our fear, because that’s vulnerability and that’s what gets us in trouble.

It’s just like @tragedythyme says, common events and everyday situations can get real scary, real fast. And whatever the scale of the situation or fear, it still sucks.

So here’s what I’m asking for (ugh, women, always asking for stuff, right?):

Just be aware.

Highkey or lowkey, always be America Ferrera.

You could be the sweetest, most innocent person on the planet. But if you’re walking down a dark, empty street behind a lone woman, know that she might not realise you are that innocent. And if someone near you is being made uncomfortable or taken advantage of, and you do absolutely nothing, you aren’t as innocent as you thought.

That little bit of extra consideration makes all the difference sometimes. Cross the street, check on someone, even exchange a glance and a look of concern or a smile across a crowded carriage.

Oh, and never belittle a situation that has made someone uncomfortable. That’s rule 1 (which is why I put it right at the end).

It really is the little things that have the biggest impact.

Let’s take a moment and look at the phrase “calm your tits”, shall we?

I’m not going to analyse it, I just want you to think about what a ridiculous thing it is that this phrase even exists, let alone how legitimised it’s become.

Have you ever seen what happens when you tell a woman to calm down? Regardless of how agitated she may or may not have been in the first place, “calm down” is a surefire method to absolutely infuriate almost any woman with almost impressive efficiency.

“Calm your tits”, said to the wrong woman (not saying me, but me) might just end up on a form as your official Cause of Death. Side note: so happy we can moderate our blog comments at Anxious & Insecure.

So what we end up with is a whole society telling women they need to be calm at all times, and punishing them for being anything but.

These punishments can be small scale, like being labelled “hysterical” by a Man you’ve dared to offend (although beware the large-scale repercussions). Or they can be larger scale.

See: Serena Williams.

Here is someone who has risen to the top of her field and stayed there. Someone who has fought off prejudice, discrimination and life-threatening health problems, and shined as a role model, key figure in representation and hero to so many people the whole time. She is the epitome of a strong black woman, and faces (and overcomes) all the predictable ignorance and barriers to success that come with being a black woman in our society.

But the competition officials don’t like her outfit.

Never mind its importance to her health, or that literally nobody minded her wearing it. The compression catsuit is gone.

How dare she?? She’s making a mockery of our pointless and discriminatory decision!

At least she wore the tutu calmly, so nobody could make too much of a fuss.

Then comes the final.

Here’s a question for you all: what’s the angriest you’ve ever seen a male tennis player? Actually here’s a better question: who’s the angriest male tennis player you’ve ever seen?

I’m not going to lie to you guys, this little gallery took me about an hour to collate. But mostly because I couldn’t decide which angry players, and which of their angry moments, to choose. I had a lot of options, a lot.

Click to view slideshow.

But god forbid a woman show frustration. It’s not her place to be upset, she must be gentle, humble and accepting. And she definitely mustn’t question the judgement of a Man when he takes away something she has earned.

This is not a problem restricted to sports players, although it flares up with them more than many people because they usually have a lot more adrenaline pumping when these problems occur.

As much as our society claims that women are no longer confined to the home, and now able to be big and strong and accomplish anything a man can do (I know, right?? People really think that’s true!), there are still things that just aren’t “acceptable behaviour” for a woman.

Because while we’re busy still fighting for our legally equal rights, they are making sure our social status and behavioural expectations remain the same. It’s a smokescreen.

“Oh what a predictable gif!” Look, I’ll stop using them when they stop being applicable.

Big change starts with small victories. When we as a society give up on the concepts of Ladylike, Girly, Gentlemanly and Manly, we will all actually be able to achieve equality that bit more quickly.

Let’s start simply: let women be angry.

Goodness knows, we have plenty to be angry about.

Okay, so some of you have spotted that we’ve been a little off-radar this summer. Sorry about that, but we promise we’ve missed you all!

A lot has been going on for us the last few months, and our tiny team has got even tinier as we’ve had to say goodbye to Producer Extraordinaire Ollie Samuels.

Unfortunately, he was the only one of us with any talent or restraint, so bad luck to you guys who are stuck listening to unfiltered Oli and Arthur!

Don’t worry, though, we’re working on a lot of new and exciting things to show you all! Keep your eyes and ears peeled for the big reveal in the next couple of weeks.

In the meantime, tell us how much you miss us and give us the attention we crave on our social channels: Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

So, speaking on behalf of all bisexuals everywhere… there’s no such thing as a universal bisexual experience! Whoops, gotcha!

Welcome to Pride Month, except we have already warned you that we are taking 2 months and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.

This year’s pride celebrations are particularly significant to me, because it’s the first year that I’ll be participating.

I never really considered myself “in the closet”, but I was never really Out either. When I was younger, I only really dated boys because that’s who was asking.

It was only a few years ago that I really started leaning into my sexuality and embracing it as a part of myself.

But that hasn’t been easy all the time. It’s easy to think of bisexuality as the Best of Both Worlds (is it too early for a Hannah Montana reference? Just kidding, it never is), but a lot of the time it feels like neither side really accepts you.

My hair isn’t even that good, Tina.

Are you a straight person trying to be more interesting or co-opt the LGBTQ+ movement? Are you a gay person trying to be more societally acceptable or too afraid to be out?

Will people ever stop assuming that you’re either of those things, or just lying in general? Shocking news: nope.

Just cos y’all are jealous of our colour scheme and free smoke bombs

Even now I am uncomfortable writing this article, because part of me stills feels like a fraud in my own sexuality. How dare I date so many boys? How dare I not share my experiences with women to prove myself?

So Pride can be a bit of a minefield. I have nothing against everything being rainbow themed (I’ve suggested it as the new decor for the office but, weirdly, they haven’t got round to it yet) and I love the sense of community that comes with this season.

But a lot of experiences I’ve had in queer spaces, even in the short time I’ve been really visiting them, have been tinged with biphobia and borderline hostility.

When people don’t take your sexuality seriously, how are you supposed to feel comfortable inserting yourself into a celebration of that sexuality?

No, really, I’m seriously asking.

I will quote this song forever try and stop me

So this Pride, hug a bisexual. I’m joking. Don’t hug me, strangers.

But honestly, maybe you should make your Pride mission one of discovery. Talk a little bit more to people with sexualities different to yours, and find out their experiences. Find out if they’re concerned they don’t have a real place in Pride, and change their mind.

Then we can all parade together, towards the beautiful horizon of overthrowing heteronormativity.

In the first episode of Pride Month(s) – we’re taking 2 months because we sort of can and also we just want to – we’re not at all shocked that Trump is refusing to acknowledge it.

However, we’re pleasantly surprised that Roseanne’s racist tweets had such a major negative impact on her career.

Meanwhile, in the UK, there appears to be some sort of Islamophobia in the Conservative party? That can’t be true! Right??

But more importantly, the trains have been totally messed up and it’s given the Brits enough office chat to last months. Bring on the nationalisation.

Plus Trump, Brexit, coming out drama and our take on the Azaelia Banks controversy.

Listen now and then tell us you did it so we feel good about ourselves!

https://anxiousandinsecure.files.wordpress.com/2018/06/episode-24.mp3

Donald J. Trump has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. We have thoughts on this, would you like to hear them?

Of course you wouldn’t, but here they are anyway!

The 45th President of the United States of America is an unapologetic bigot, the picture of prejudice, and has no respect or regard for law, democracy or even other people.

This is not a man deserving of any award.

Look, we aren’t denying that the North Korea situation is a huge deal. It represents an unbelievable opportunity to help bring peace to the Korean Peninsula. It could mean that untold numbers of North Korean citizens are able to avoid starvation and oppression.

Of course, this is all assuming it goes well. Call us cynical, but we can’t shake the fear that something will bring this process down and fuck things up worse than they were before.

We don’t want to name any names here (Trump), but while Kim is a tyrannical dictator if ever we did see one – in our opinion – there’s someone else (Trump) who seems like the more unpredictable element here (it’s Trump).

Get it? Unpredictable element? Isn’t science fun?

Furthermore, let us be reminded of a few things.

Sure, Trump is doing this whole North Korea thing and it’s unprecedented. But what about how deeply he is being investigated for corruption?

What about his blatant disregard for the human rights of anyone who isn’t rich, male, white and American by birth?

What about his uncontrollable mood swings and the fuel of petulance and stubbornness that fuels them?

What about his apparent inability to consider the consequences of his actions or words, even though he is the ‘Leader of the Free World’?

What about his changeability, lack of focus, inability to acknowledge facts that aren’t in his favour, constant clashes with the media, terrible attitude, obvious disinterest in the truth, and megalomania?

We have other points. We haven’t even got started.

This is not a man deserving of any award.

This is a man who is hated by the majority of the citizens in his own country, because they (and we) think he is not only a bad President, but a bad person to boot.

And so we appeal to the committee who may or may not be considering him for the prize this year, and will apparently be sure to consider him next year.

Because obviously they read our blog. Hi guys!

This is not a man deserving of any award.

Do not give him one. We are begging you.