Please scroll to the bottom if you want links to Jennifer’s upcoming events!

Question #1

I have been reading Dr. Schnarch's books. In "Resurrecting Sex," he talks about subjective arousal and how to enhance your sexual experience with more than just physical stimulation.

I grew up in the LDS culture and I have unknowingly been repressing my sexuality for years. I have been married for 15 years and felt a lot of desire for the first half. After my 4th baby was born, my sexual desire seemed to evaporate and I did my best to make peace with it instead of turning to anger at my body and God's plan. How could God's plan involve me never wanting sex? I could still orgasm with physical stimulation but it was always a lot of work and took more time than I thought it was worth. Even with less desire, my husband and I are blessed to have a beautiful relationship.

Two weeks ago we discovered your work and we have listened to HOURS of content so far. We both have a new lens of understanding and I have felt more desire in the past two weeks than I have in the past 7 years. I have felt like a newlywed again. We both have. It has been so fun to have so much meaningful sex without worrying about validating each other. But I still can't figure out what actually turns me on.

How do I discover subjective arousal and add it to the physical, to have a full expression of my sexuality? I am planning on signing up for your "Art of Desire" course soon when I can schedule some intentional time for it. Thanks for all your work, asking and finding answers to tough questions.

Question #2

My husband and I have 5 kids in 10 years with our oldest now 15 years old. The last 5 years I have noticed my need for non sexually driven touch (hold my hand, a hug with no wandering hands, arm around my shoulder, play with my hair etc.). I realize that now that I’m asking him to recognize and try to do that for me he feels like it is an insatiable need of mine and I feel like intercourses is his insatiable need. It’s hard for both of us to accept the others offering when it feels forced or out of duty. Now, I don’t want to have intercourse if he isn’t giving me attention outside of our room. It has become a focused point of contention and one that is measurable so it is now used as ammunition in other disagreements.

Question #3

It takes me a really long time to orgasm, and it makes me feel bad that my husband has to spend more time for me to finish than it takes for him to. He NEVER makes me feel bad--he says he enjoys it. But I still feel like I am taking more than giving. We've tried to figure out other ways to change it up, but the only way I finish is after a long session of oral sex. It's awesome! I just feel needy.

Do you have a question you’d like to hear Jennifer answer on the Podcast? Submit it here:

Submit a question for jennifer

About Our Guest

Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife

   

Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife is a LDS relationship and sexuality coach as well as a  Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor in the state of Illinois.  She has a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology. In addition to her dissertation research on LDS women's sexuality and relationship to desire, she has taught college level human sexuality courses. Her teaching and coaching focuses on helping LDS individuals and couples achieve greater satisfaction and passion in their emotional and sexual relationships.

In addition to consultation with couples and individuals (in person and online), she offers online relationship and sexuality courses as well as live workshops and retreats for LDS couples and individuals.  

Jennifer is a frequent guest on LDS-themed podcasts and write articles for LDS-themed blogs and magazines, on the subjects of sexuality, relationships, mental health and faith.

Want more information on Jennifer’s upcoming events? Click here:

Jennifer's upcoming events

Want to listen to past episodes of Ask a Mormon Sex Therapist? Find them here:

Past Episodes of Ask a Mormon Sex Therapist on Jennifer's podcast archives

Show Notes

Legal Disclaimer

The advice offered through "Ask a Mormon Sex Therapist" podcast is educational and informational in nature and is provided only as general information. It is not meant to establish a therapist-patient relationship or offer therapeutic advice, opinion, diagnosis treatment or to establish a standard of care. Although Dr. Finlayson-Fife is a trained psychotherapist, she is not functioning in the role of a licensed therapist during these sessions, but rather using her training to inform these sessions. Thus, the content is not intended to replace independent professional judgment. The content is not intended to solicit clients or patients; and should not be relied upon as medical or psychological advice of any kind or nature whatsoever. The information provided through the Content should not be used for diagnosing or treating a mental health problem or disease. The information contained in these communications is not comprehensive and does not include all the potential information regarding the subject matter, but is merely intended to serve as one resource for general and educational purposes.

Are you a wife?

Are you interested in getting more out of your marriage by doing less?

Nate is teaming up with Gottman Certified Therapist, Laura Heck, to create the most Epic Wives Experiment ever!

Get ready to make 2021 the best year of your marriage to date.

join the experiment

Past Episodes

The incredible photos on this site were generously donated by the incredibly Talented Scott Jarvie. Hire him for your wedding or purchase his beautiful book, Mormon Temples in America.

Hire Jarvie Buy the Book

 


  The noblest aim in life is to strive to live to make lives better and happier. The most worthy calling in life is that in which man can serve best his fellow man. — David O. McKay

Youth at LDC

About Our Guests

Kory Fluckiger and Heather McKinnon

   

Kory Fluckiger and Heather McKinnon are work from home, school from home, and birth from home kind of people. Kory is an artist. Heather is an artist, social worker, and stay at home mom. They both volunteer for the American Red Cross High School Leadership Camp and would love to tell you about it!

Learn more about the American Red Cross youth Leadership Development Camp:

Visit Red Cross Website

Show Notes

Past Episodes

The incredible photos on this site were generously donated by the incredibly Talented Scott Jarvie. Hire him for your wedding or purchase his beautiful book, Mormon Temples in America.

Hire Jarvie Buy the Book

 


  We need to have more compassion and understanding in our marriages - for ourselves and for our partner.

There are a lot of things that enter our relationships from our pasts. We need to realize that it is going to take some time to perfect this dance. Sometimes they’re going to step on your toes, and sometimes you will step on theirs. When we do that, let’s try to give each other some feedback and support.

It can quickly turn to blame and anger - ‘you stepped on me and that really hurt!’ Most often there is not malicious intent, yet people still get injured. We get hurt and our expectations get betrayed. There is a lot of emotion and discomfort and fear. It’s here that we need to start from a place of, ‘my partner is probably doing their best even though they aren’t a great dance partner yet. Maybe I’m not a great dance partner yet either! I thought I had all the moves and I don’t. How can we learn how to dance together?’ — Dr. Cameron Staley  

Photo by Colton Duke on Unsplash

 

About Our Guest

Dr. Cameron Staley

   

Dr. Cameron Staley is a clinical psychologist who is passionate about providing counseling, teaching courses for the psychology department, and supervising counselors and psychologists in training at Idaho State University. He has presented his research on pornography at the International Academy of Sex Research (IASR) and the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality (SSSS) along with peer-reviewed publications in the journals of Socioaffective Neuroscience and Psychology, Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity, and Archives of Sexual Behavior. Cameron completed his psychology internship at Brigham Young University’s Counseling and Psychological Services where he first learned Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) as an effective treatment for unwanted pornography viewing.

 In his TEDx talk, Changing the Narrative Around the Addiction Story, Cameron shares details from his research and counseling experience regarding helpful ways to talk about sexuality and how to effectively reduce unwanted pornography viewing through mindfulness. In order to help even more individuals who are struggling with pornography, he developed an online self-directed program called LifeAfterPornography based on the same ACT principles he uses in his counseling work and the same approach proven effective in research to reduce unwanted pornography viewing in adults. 

 Cameron is also an author with a passion for capturing the complexities of human nature, tackling sensitive topics, and writing about the lives of the Book of Mormon people.

Watch the tedx talk

Learn more about the self-directed online program

Visit LifeAfterpornography.com

Show Notes

Past Episodes

The incredible photos on this site were generously donated by the incredibly Talented Scott Jarvie. Hire him for your wedding or purchase his beautiful book, Mormon Temples in America.

Hire Jarvie Buy the Book

 


  Seldom are we broken. There’s just something we haven’t yet learned that would allow us to be more free. The courage to pursue a truer view is rewarded with the joy of living in greater truth. — Jennifer Finlayson-Fife

Please scroll to the bottom if you want links to Jennifer’s upcoming events!

Question #1

My wife and I have been married for several years.  Arousal used to come easily, but in the past two years, severe depression has taken its toll on my libido.   When it's not depression, it's chronic fatigue.  Arousal now takes far more effort than it used to.  I've found that things like roleplay and reading erotica have helped to overcome these hurdles.  These are things we've done and enjoyed in the past, but have become more prevalent during the times of depression, as they seem to provide a shortcut to arousal.  This is helpful because, as a normally high drive person, I want to want it, even if the body doesn't react as freely.  I don't require them for arousal, but arousal doesn't happen on its own as much anymore.

The problem is that my wife has put on weight in recent years, and she is often convinced that my lower libido is due to this.  She often feels like the roleplay is my way of pretending she was in better shape, or a different person.

How can I help her to know that it's a depression issue, and that my roleplays & erotica are being used to "jump start" my libido, and are not meant to replace her?  How can I help her to not feel threatened by them?

Question #2

Thank you for all that you do! My husband and I are huge fans of Jennifer Finlayson-Fife! We have taken her courses and they have changed our lives for the better! We have been married 11 years and have 2 small children.

I am currently pregnant with our third child. While my husband and I have made great strides in our sexual relationship and I have taken monumental steps to claim my sexuality, I feel that my pregnancy has made me regress. I am so thankful to be able to carry children, but I do not feel sexually aroused while pregnant. My husband is so kind and tells me I’m beautiful, so the problem is not how he sees me. The problem is how I see myself. I tend to gain a lot of weight during pregnancy, which then takes me about a year to lose. With the weight gain, the fluctuating emotions, and how tired I become, sex is just not something I am interested in. Body image is a huge factor in this.

I would like to be more intimate with my husband, without feeling anxiety about my changing body. How can I feel sexual while pregnant? I’m sure I’m not the only woman who feels this way!

Question #3

I only learned about Joseph Smith’s polygamy, the doctrine of polygamy as explained in the scriptures and it’s extent in our temple dealings about 15 years ago. It has had a profound effect on how I view myself, my marriage and God. I am fearful of dying and resent this view of women.

When I ask family or friends how they cope with this they say they just don’t think about it or say they know in the next life we’ll be perfect. I find myself trying to be perfect so I don’t get replaced. Can you help me move past this fear so I can more fully enjoy my marriage?

Check out Carolyn Pearson’s book on Polygamy here:

The Ghost of Eternal Polygamy    

Listen to a conversation with Jennifer’s conversation with Carolyn about polygamy here:

Intimacy in Mormon Marriages Podcast

Do you have a question you’d like to hear Jennifer answer on the Podcast? Submit it here:

Submit a question for jennifer

About Our Guest

Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife

   

Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife is a LDS relationship and sexuality coach as well as a  Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor in the state of Illinois.  She has a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology. In addition to her dissertation research on LDS women's sexuality and relationship to desire, she has taught college level human sexuality courses. Her teaching and coaching focuses on helping LDS individuals and couples achieve greater satisfaction and passion in their emotional and sexual relationships.

In addition to consultation with couples and individuals (in person and online), she offers online relationship and sexuality courses as well as live workshops and retreats for LDS couples and individuals.  

Jennifer is a frequent guest on LDS-themed podcasts and write articles for LDS-themed blogs and magazines, on the subjects of sexuality, relationships, mental health and faith.

Want more information on Jennifer’s upcoming events? Click here:

Jennifer's upcoming events

Want to listen to past episodes of Ask a Mormon Sex Therapist? Find them here:

Past Episodes of Ask a Mormon Sex Therapist on Jennifer's podcast archives

Show Notes

Legal Disclaimer

The advice offered through "Ask a Mormon Sex Therapist" podcast is educational and informational in nature and is provided only as general information. It is not meant to establish a therapist-patient relationship or offer therapeutic advice, opinion, diagnosis treatment or to establish a standard of care. Although Dr. Finlayson-Fife is a trained psychotherapist, she is not functioning in the role of a licensed therapist during these sessions, but rather using her training to inform these sessions. Thus, the content is not intended to replace independent professional judgment. The content is not intended to solicit clients or patients; and should not be relied upon as medical or psychological advice of any kind or nature whatsoever. The information provided through the Content should not be used for diagnosing or treating a mental health problem or disease. The information contained in these communications is not comprehensive and does not include all the potential information regarding the subject matter, but is merely intended to serve as one resource for general and educational purposes.

Are you a wife?

Are you interested in getting more out of your marriage by doing less?

Nate is teaming up with Gottman Certified Therapist, Laura Heck, to create the most Epic Wives Experiment ever!

Get ready to make 2020 the best year of your marriage to date.

join the experiment

Past Episodes

The incredible photos on this site were generously donated by the incredibly Talented Scott Jarvie. Hire him for your wedding or purchase his beautiful book, Mormon Temples in America.

Hire Jarvie Buy the Book

 


  

Photo by Austin Neill on Unsplash

  I felt like the Lord was telling me, ‘I created you the way you are for a reason. You have these gifts and these desires and these skills because I put them there in you. It’s not wrong to follow those. In fact, it’s fulfilling the measure of your creation.’

I do believe that it is a parent’s (both a father’s and a mother’s) primary responsibility for the nurture of their children, and a huge part of that is finding nurturing opportunities for them. I’m the facilitator of the nurturing and the education that happens in my children’s life. I do not have to be the only one doing the nurturing. — Rachel Nielson

About Our Guest

Rachel Nielson

    Meet Rachel

Hi, i’m Rachel!

Lover of practical ideas, conversations with kindred spirits, and my two wild children who keep life interesting.

I combined all of these passions when I created 3 in 30, a podcast for moms who want doable takeaways to try with their families - strategies to help us manage the madness and maximize the magic of motherhood.

Before my kids were born, I was a camp counselor for kids with disabilities, an international volunteer in an orphanage in El Salvador, and a high school English teacher. Then my husband and I struggled with infertility and went through the adoption process and IVF to get our two miracle babies.

After all of my experiences working with children, and after my long fight to become a mother, I truly believed that I would thrive as a mom from day one.

Let’s just say, my transition into motherhood was a little bumpier than I had imagined.  (You can hear all about it in Episode 00).

With a sense of humility and desperation, I started reading parenting books, attending motherhood conferences, and processing what I was learning by writing articles for parenting websites.

The 3 in 30 podcast is the next step in that journey.  I am excited to host a show where we can listen to experts share their best try-this-at-home strategies to help us create more meaning in motherhood.  And because I know moms are short on time to listen to podcasts (and short on brain space to even remember what was in those podcasts!), I will keep each episode to 30 minutes with 3 memorable takeaways .

Listen to the 3 in 30 Podcast Follow Rachel on instagram

Show Notes

Past Episodes

The incredible photos on this site were generously donated by the incredibly Talented Scott Jarvie. Hire him for your wedding or purchase his beautiful book, Mormon Temples in America.

Hire Jarvie Buy the Book

 


  An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. — Benjamin Franklin  

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

  Why isn’t this something that more people do?

They think they don’t need it. They say, ‘Oh, we don’t have any problems.’

It’s the stigma and mindset that counseling is only something you do when you’re screwed up.

You don’t need to have problems to go to premarital counseling any more than you need to be stupid to go to college.

A prevention mindset says ‘Hey, I’d like to know what it is I don’t know.’ — Jonathan Sherman

About Our Guest

Jonathan Sherman, LMFT

   

Jonathan Sherman, LMFT is a Relationship Strategist (Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist) in private practice, sought-out speaker and consultant, and all-around swell-fella ;-).

In the face of daunting divorce statistics, Jonathan specializes in helping motivated people just like you defy the odds by creating truly GREAT and lasting relationships. His three main areas of focus are Transforming Marriages, Parent Training, and Self-Mastery. where he trains people to improve their marriages, their parenting and themselves through relationship skill development, mastering depression, anxiety, stress, and addiction recovery. For over 25 years he has been speaking and teaching extensively on a wide range of relationship topics in both the community and professional sectors.

Jonathan says, “Every day I get to witness courageous people challenge themselves and achieve the kind of greatness that before they only dreamed of. Man, I love my job!”

He is married to a lovely and skilled husband trainer who has truly earned her keep! They live in eternal bliss (okay, fairly peaceably) with their four children in the Rocky Mountains of Utah. You may reach him at MarriageEnvy.com. He’d love to hear from you.

Want more from Jonathan Sherman?

Visit Marriage Envy Website

Experience #ChalkBus

See #chalkbus on Instagram

Show Notes

Past Episodes

The incredible photos on this site were generously donated by the incredibly Talented Scott Jarvie. Hire him for your wedding or purchase his beautiful book, Mormon Temples in America.

Hire Jarvie Buy the Book

 


  

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

  Buried in your humanity is a jewel - a gift from God. It is the strongest force in your life. There is no stronger force that you could use for good in your life then this:

Your human nature has one single motive - to fight for what it deems as normal.

It will fight to a degree that you cannot win. So, what do you do?

Simple.

Redefine what’s normal.

All of a sudden, your human nature will work FOR you, instead of against you. This idea of controlling and creating what is normal is everything. — Seth Ellsworth

About Our Guest

Seth Ellsworth

    Visit Seth's Website     Experience the Breakthrough Challenge

Seth helps winners win more without losing what matters most by implementing simple tools based in universal principles that unlock “super human” levels of growth in life and business, at the same time... others call his work "Essential MindSeth Training"

Read more of Seth's Story

Show Notes

Past Episodes

The incredible photos on this site were generously donated by the incredibly Talented Scott Jarvie. Hire him for your wedding or purchase his beautiful book, Mormon Temples in America.

Hire Jarvie Buy the Book

 


  We often think of Christ’s life as the ultimate sacrifice - which it is - but we overlook that He practiced self care. He took time alone, He napped, He ate, He would be with people and then would take time away.

We have to balance that.

If we don’t invest time in developing our sense of self, we can’t be “self-less.” We wouldn’t have anything to offer. — Dr. Julie Hanks  

Photo by TOMOKO UJI on Unsplash

  The spirit speaks to you through your mind and your heart. If you’re disconnected with your heart, you’re cutting off half of your personal revelation. Emotionally and Spiritually healthy people have experienced and integration of your mind and heart. — Dr. Julie Hanks

About Our Guest

Dr. Julie de Azevedo Hanks

    Visit Julie's Website Julie's Feeling Words List

Dr. Julie de Azevedo Hanks is a licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and coach with over 28 years experience specializing in women’s emotional health and relationships. She is the founder and director of Wasatch Family Therapy, an outpatient therapy clinic in Cottonwood Heights and Bountiful, UT, and serves as an assistant professor of social work at Utah Valley University.

In addition to authoring two books, The Burnout Cure and The Assertiveness Guide for Women, Dr. Hanks is a blogger on Latter-day Saint Cultural issues, a speaker, a local and national media contributor, an online influencer, a private practice consultant, and an award-winning performing songwriter.

A native Californian, Hanks currently lives with her family in Sandy, UT. For additional resources visit DrJulieHanks.com or connect with @drjuliehanks on social media.

Follow Julie on Instagram

Show Notes

Past Episodes

The incredible photos on this site were generously donated by the incredibly Talented Scott Jarvie. Hire him for your wedding or purchase his beautiful book, Mormon Temples in America.

Hire Jarvie Buy the Book

 


  

Photo by raquel raclette on Unsplash

  Resilience, in my mind, is found in eight simple words; Search inward, turn outward, look upward, press forward. — Dave Schramm

About Our Guest

Dr. Dave Schramm

    Visit Dr Dave's Website Find Dr Dave on Facebook

Known as “Dr. Dave” on campus and across the country, Dave Schramm is an associate professor and family life extension specialist at Utah State University in the department of Human Development and Family Studies. After graduating with his Ph.D. from Auburn University, he worked as a professor at the University of Missouri for nine years. 

Since arriving at USU in 2016, he has been appointed by Governor Herbert to serve on Utah’s Commission on Marriage, he appears on television monthly on Fox 13’s “The Place” and he shares tips and videos on social media to help individuals, parents, and couples thrive in their life journeys.

From British Columbia to Beijing, China, and from St. Louis to San Diego, Dr. Dave has given over 500 presentations, classes, and workshops to a variety of audiences, including the United Nations and a TEDx talk in Florida.

He married his high school sweetheart Jamie, they have four children, he loves peanut M&Ms J, and the Schramm fam lives in North Logan, Utah.

Follow Dr Dave on Instagram Dr. Dave's TedX talk

Show Notes

Past Episodes

The incredible photos on this site were generously donated by the incredibly Talented Scott Jarvie. Hire him for your wedding or purchase his beautiful book, Mormon Temples in America.

Hire Jarvie Buy the Book

 


 

Baby Bagley’s First Trimester

    I had to learn to allow myself to simultaneously feel the gratitude, hope, and excitement of being pregnant and becoming a mom, while at the same time allowing myself to say, ‘This vomiting sucks,’ or, ‘I’m exhausted,’ or, ‘My body doesn’t feel like mine right now.’ It seems like it should be one or the other, but it’s totally okay to give space to both sides of the emotions at the same time. — Angilyn Bagley     Here’s what I wish someone would have told us before we got pregnant.

I wish they would have to me to wake up every morning and say out loud, ‘You’re wife is pregnant, she has tons of hormones in her body, and she’s growing a baby. Be patient with her, and remind her that her only job is to eat food that will stay in her stomach and rest.’

I wish they would have told you that it’s okay if pregnancy does’t look like what you thought it would. You might not be miserable, but you might be miserable.... You might not get nauseous, but you might get nauseous... Don’t go into it expecting everything to be perfect. — Nate Bagley Follow Mormon Marriages on Instagram    

Show Notes 

Past Episodes

The incredible photos on this site were generously donated by the incredibly Talented Scott Jarvie. Hire him for your wedding or purchase his beautiful book, Mormon Temples in America.

Hire Jarvie Buy the Book

 


  Some people long for a life that is simple and planned
Tied with a ribbon
Some people won’t sail the sea ‘cause they’re safer on land
To follow what’s written
But I’d follow you to the great unknown
Off to a world we call our own

Hand in my hand and we promised to never let go
We’re walking the tightrope high in the sky
We can see the whole world down below
We’re walking the tightrope
Never sure, never know how far we could fall
But it’s all an adventure
That comes with a breathtaking view
Walking the tightrope with you — Tightrope, Michelle Williams    

About Our Guests

Katie & Allan Mount

    Listen to the M.O.A.T. podcast Workshop on a Tightrope

Kattie & Allan Mount are the co‑hosts of Marriage on a Tightrope, a podcast dedicated to navigating a mixed‑faith marriage. Kattie and Allan met in the MTC and both served missions in Barcelona Spain. They were married shortly after Allan returned. 

In 2017, Kattie and Allan suddenly found themselves dealing with Allan’s decision to distance himself from the church. Frustrated with the lack of support, Kattie suggested they go public about their situation by starting a podcast. 

Kattie loves all things Disney, and is PTA president of the local elementary school. Allan is a sales director for a South Jordan technology company, is an avid Dodgers fan, and performs improvisational comedy at Comedy Sportz in Provo. The couple has four children, ages 5 through 13.

Join the M.O.A.T. Facebook Group Follow M.O.A.T. on instagram

Show Notes

Past Episodes

The incredible photos on this site were generously donated by the incredibly Talented Scott Jarvie. Hire him for your wedding or purchase his beautiful book, Mormon Temples in America.

Hire Jarvie Buy the Book