In this insightful episode of "Over It and On with It," host Christine Hasler explores a deeply resonant topic—navigating and resolving anger towards one's mother. Our guest, Sarah, shares her struggles with frequent negative interactions with her mother, which are often marred by impatience and rudeness, despite her mother's consistent kindness. This conversation delves into the root causes of Sarah's feelings, the broader implications of parental relationships, and practical steps for healing and self-nurturing.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you have unresolved anger or resentment towards a parent that affects your current interactions?

• How have your childhood experiences shaped your emotional responses to your parents today?

• Are you able to meet your emotional needs independently, or do you find yourself seeking fulfillment from your parents?

   

Guest Insights:

• Sarah recognizes her anger stems from past unmet needs during her childhood, exacerbated by her mother's inability to protect her from an abusive situation.

• The conversation reveals Sarah's desire for her mother to push back against her, reflecting her unresolved needs for assertiveness and protection.

Aha Moments:

• Realizing the necessity of mourning the 'ideal' parent and accepting the limitations of what one's parents can provide.

• Understanding the importance of becoming the source of comfort and security that one sought from their parents.

How to Get Over It:

• Embrace self-mothering by acknowledging and nurturing one's inner child.

• Implementing practical exercises like visualizations where Sarah comforts her

  younger self, promoting healing.

Establishing boundaries and new emotional frameworks that do not rely on parental validation.

Sponsor:

• Caraway Cookware: Non-toxic cookware that combines modern aesthetics with functionality. Special discounts available for listeners at carawayhome.com/overit.

Social Media Info:

• Follow Christine on Instagram @ChristineHassler
• Tweet your insights to Christine @ChristineHassler on Twitter
• Join us next week for another insightful episode where we help you get over it and on with the life you love.

Some women are childfree by choice while others are childless due to circumstances, not choice. Lana Manikowski: Certified Life Coach, Keynote Speaker, Infertility Activist and Founder of “The Other's Day Brunch” is on a mission to show that infertile women can create the life of their dreams, even when it didn’t turn out as planned.

When a 7-year fertility journey ended without a child - and donor egg & adoption wasn’t for her - Lana yearned for a community who could understand the loneliness, self judgment and grief around navigating a childless future. When she couldn’t find one, she established in 2021 by launching  The “So Now What?” Podcast.   

In her coaching practice, Lana helps women navigate a life unexpected. Her 4-part coaching foundation helps guide women through the rediscovery of their purpose, meaning and joy, so they can build a future they truly love.

Learn more here: https://lanamanikowski.com/

In this episode, Christine engages in a coaching call with Shelley, who is grappling with the ramifications of her fear of loss in her relationships. Through deep, introspective conversation, Christine helps Shelley uncover the ways in which her attempts to avoid loss may actually be precipitating the very outcomes she fears.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you often find yourself sabotaging situations not intentionally, but as a protective measure?

• Are you hyper-vigilant in your relationships, constantly preparing for the worst?

• Can you recognize how your fear of loss might be contributing to the problems you experience in relationships?

Guest Insights:

• Shelley shares her struggles as a highly sensitive person who takes things personally and tends to anticipate negative outcomes, even in positive situations.

• She realizes her need for control stems from a deep-seated fear of unexpected negative outcomes, which she tries to preempt by focusing on the negative possibilities.

Aha Moments:

• Recognizing that preparing for the worst as a way of coping with fear can inadvertently bring about negative outcomes.

• Understanding that her protective behaviors, while meant to safeguard her from pain, are keeping her from experiencing deeper connections and joy in relationships.

How to Get Over It:

• Embrace vulnerability by acknowledging and expressing fears without letting them dictate behaviors.

• Work on shifting focus from potential loss to the potential for joy and fulfillment in relationships.

• Consider therapy or coaching to address underlying fears and learn healthier coping mechanisms.

Social Media Info:

• Follow Christine on Instagram @ChristineHassler  
• Tweet your insights to Christine @ChristineHassler on Twitter
• Join us next week for another insightful episode where we help you get over it and on with the life you love.

Jade Luna is back on the show! He has been my astrologer for nearly a decade and gives us insight on what's been happening in the world and what we can expect. Jade has been one of the most successful Astrologers in the world and has maintained a high level practice for over 18 years. He is the first Westerner ever to reconstruct Jyotish (Hindu Astrology) into a Greco-Roman format.  Jade has traveled extensively around the planet, lecturing and conducting workshops on Astrology and mysticism. He has traveled to India more than 30 times and spent a great deal of time with various teachers, Saints and Sadhu's in Asia. Jade consults with people privately. He usually presents a few seminars each year at various locations world wide.

In this episode of "Over It and On With It," Christine Hasler coaches Margaret, who struggles with moving forward in her career due to past health challenges and financial needs. Margaret has experienced a mix of burnout and inertia, pushing too hard and then not enough, as she tries to navigate a balanced approach to re-entering the workforce.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you feel safe at home but anxious elsewhere?

• Have you experienced vulnerability followed by rejection, causing you to

  withdraw?

• Do you find yourself pushing hard until you burn out, only to struggle to start

  again? Guest Insights:

• Margaret shares her ongoing battle with adrenal fatigue, anxiety, and the pressure of financial constraints.

• She expresses frustration with the cyclic nature of pushing herself too hard and then needing extensive recovery time.

• Her journey has included deep personal insights, yet she still faces the challenge of balancing work demands with personal health.

  Aha Moments:

• Realizing that her pattern of pushing and withdrawing relates to deeper, unresolved issues around safety and self-worth.

• Acknowledging the need for a deeper level of healing that isn’t about repeating past efforts but going deeper into her own emotional and psychological landscape.

  How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Embrace inner child work to address past traumas and current fears.

•  Reevaluate her beliefs about work and productivity to find a sustainable way of

  engaging with her career.

•  Seek environments and work that align more closely with her needs as sensitive and empathic person.

Sponsor:

• Today's episode is sponsored by Caraway Cookware. Experience the joy of non-toxic, beautifully designed cookware. Visit: carawayhome.com/Christine for a special listener discount. 
• Promo Code: Christine

Social Media Info:

• Follow Christine on Instagram @ChristineHassler
• Tweet your insights to Christine @ChristineHassler on Twitter
• Join us next week for another insightful episode where we help you get over it and on with the life you love.

Turning her postpartum sleep deprivation into an opportunity to serve the millions of women who suffer in sleeplessness, Dr. Leigha Saunders is a naturopathic doctor turned sleep guru.

With over a decade of experience, Leigha’s innovative approach to solving sleep struggles intertwines hormone health, nervous system regulation and what she calls a "soul-focused approach" to focus on the deeper reasons so many of us lie awake at night.

You can learn more here: www.thesleepfix.com/christine

Welcome to episode 448 of "Over It and On With It." Today, our host, Christine Hassler, engages in a compelling conversation with Lynn, who seeks guidance on boosting her self-confidence. This episode dives deep into the roots of self-confidence, touching on childhood experiences, personal insecurities, and the journey towards radical self-acceptance.

Guest Insights:

• Lynn discusses her challenges with confidence, particularly in her career as a travel advisor, where she struggles to promote herself effectively.
• She shares personal anecdotes about her upbringing, including the impact of her parents' divorce and the emotional unavailability of her father, which contributed to her confidence issues.

Aha Moments:

• Lynn realizes that her lack of confidence stems significantly from not receiving adequate validation and encouragement during her childhood.
• Christine introduces the concept of "radical self-acceptance" and challenges Lynn to reflect on her internal judgments that might be hindering her confidence.

How to Get Over It:

1. Radical Self-Acceptance: Embrace every part of yourself without conditions to foster genuine confidence.
2. Parenting Your Inner Child: Use the parenting skills you apply to your children to nurture and encourage your inner child.
3. Action Steps: Engage in small, manageable acts that build confidence through real-life practice, such as regularly posting about her business.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you struggle with confidence in specific areas of your life?
• How have your childhood experiences shaped your self-esteem?
• What does radical self-acceptance mean to you, and how can you practice it?

Sponsor:

• Today's episode is sponsored by Caraway Cookware. Experience the joy of non-toxic, beautifully designed cookware. Visit: carawayhome.com/Christine for a special listener discount. 
• Promo Code: Christine

Social Media Info:

• Follow Christine on Instagram @ChristineHassler
• Tweet your insights to Christine @ChristineHassler on Twitter
• Join us next week for another insightful episode where we help you get over it and on with the life you love.

Nedra Glover Tawwab is the author of the New York Times bestseller Set Boundaries, Find Peace. A licensed therapist and sought-after relationship expert, she has practiced relationship therapy for more than fifteen years. Tawwab has appeared as an expert on The Red Table Talk, The Breakfast Club, Good Morning America, and CBS This Morning, to name a few. Her work has been highlighted in The New York Times, The Guardian, and Vice, and has appeared on numerous podcasts, including Good Life Project, Sofia with an F, and Therapy for Black Girls. Tawwab runs a popular Instagram account where she shares practices, tools, and reflections for mental health and hosts weekly Q&As about boundaries and relationships. She lives in Charlotte, North Carolina, with her family. For more information, see nedratawwab.com.

This coaching call is about breaking habitual patterns that are no longer needed. Today’s caller, Jenny, is having completely different reactions to different situations. She asks for guidance on how to be consistent in all areas of her life and change her attachment style. Christine discovers that it is not so much about her attachment styles but about the story she tells herself in different situations.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode447].

For those of us who experienced a trauma, or when the worst happened or we got in trouble for something, a neural pathway in our minds created a belief that expecting something bad to happen at any moment prepares us for future traumas and the accompanying shock. The shock is what makes trauma stay in our bodies because when we think everything’s fine, and something happens, our system is surprised. It becomes an imprint in our psyche, subconscious, emotional body, and our nervous system. Neural nets create unconscious patterns. When we are triggered we are hijacked by our subconscious.

As we grow and develop we have to update our survival strategies. So many of our survival strategies were formed when we were young. They are outdated. We have updated almost every other tool we use in our lives, yet we haven’t updated our survival strategies. When you have a habitual reaction to something, interrupt the pattern.

If you have a situation where you are bracing, expecting the worst, or getting nervous, do whatever it takes to regulate your nervous system. Take deep breaths and pause to break the habit.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you feel like you’re a different person in different situations?

• Are your reactions sometimes much bigger than a situation warrants?

• Do you often prepare yourself for the worst even though usually the worst doesn’t happen?

• As a kid, was there a part of you that felt like you were in trouble, and that you didn’t get things right?

Jenny’s Question:

Jenny would like guidance about why her reactions are different in different situations.

Jenny’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She feels she reacts differently to things at work, in relationships, and when with friends and family.

• Her relationship with her parents has changed since childhood.

• She often gets anxious at work and feels that she will be in trouble.

• She remembers getting in trouble with her father when she didn’t do something right.

• She wants validation and love from her father.

• She doesn’t feel good enough at work.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• When triggered, regulate her system by putting a hand on her heart and her belly and saying “I’m not in trouble. I didn’t do anything wrong.”

• Where is she telling herself she isn’t enough?

• Give herself compassion and commitment. Don’t give up!

Takeaway:

• When you have a habitual reaction to something, interrupt the pattern and update your survival strategy.

Sponsor:

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

[email protected]

[email protected] — For information on any of my services

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