In this episode we discuss common mistakes that married couples make when it comes to initiating sex. 

There are dynamics of higher desire and lower desire and patterns that make these mistakes so each to make.

We cover six common mistakes: getting annoyed at being the one who initiates, using covert or roundabout methods of initiation, joking or crude initiations, feeling the need to be as turned on as your partner, using the same initiation method every time, and talking yourself out of initiating. 

Takeaways

Recognize the dynamics of higher desire and lower desire in your relationship
Update your map of each other as you grow and change
Avoid common mistakes in initiation, such as getting annoyed or using covert methods
Focus on connection rather than just sexual fulfillment
Communicate with your spouse about your initiation patterns and desires
Take action to improve your initiation patterns and foster a deeper connection

On the Xtended Version ...

What make authenticity and vulnerability in marriage so difficult?

Is it the motivations behind the vulnerability? The reactions to vulnerable moments? Both?

Let's explore more.

Enjoy the show!

Sponsors ...

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The post Initiation Mistakes Married People Make #674 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

On the Regular Version ...

In this conversation, and old blogging friend, Joshua Becker, joins me to discuss the journey and benefits of minimalism.

We talk about his personal experience with minimalism and how it has positively impacted his life, relationships, and finances. We also explore strategies for dealing with a spouse's resistance to minimalism and the importance of the master bedroom as a sanctuary.

Joshua also emphasizes the need for love, patience, and humility when approaching minimalism as a couple. 

Learn more about Joshua here https://www.becomingminimalist.com/

Takeaways

Minimalism can positively impact various aspects of life, including relationships, finances, and overall well-being.
Approaching minimalism with love, patience, and humility is essential when dealing with a spouse's resistance.
The master bedroom can serve as a sanctuary for rest and intimacy, and decluttering this space can enhance its purpose.
Protecting the master bedroom from tension and negative conversations can contribute to a more peaceful and meaningful environment.
Minimalism involves harnessing what matters most and removing distractions to focus on one's values and priorities.

On the Xtended Version ...

In the XTD content, Pam and I talk about our journey with the minimalist mindset and how it has played out in our life and marriage.

Enjoy the show!

Sponsors ...

One Skin: Get 15% off OneSkin with our code SMR at https://oneskin.co 
#oneskinpod

The post Minimalism and Marriage | Joshua Becker #673 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

In this episode, we discuss the importance of date nights in marriage and offer a unique tip to make them more enjoyable.

It's the idea of having sex before going out on a date to possibly relieve the pressure and create a deeper connection. We provide practical ideas for incorporating this tip into date nights, such as getting ready together, having sex in the morning, or asking the babysitter to take the kids out for a while.

It is also important to expand and challenge the script of traditional date nights.

Takeaways

Date nights are important for maintaining a strong marriage.
Having sex before a date night can relieve pressure and create a deeper connection.
Practical ideas for incorporating sex into date nights include getting ready together, having sex in the morning, or asking the babysitter to take the kids out.
Expanding and challenging the script of traditional date nights can make them more enjoyable and fulfilling.

On the Xtended Version ...

The world of self-help and self-improvement at times only works on one aspect of the equation. 

There is also self-healing that is just as important. The areas where you work on your shadow self.

We explore both today. 

Enjoy the show!

Sponsors ...

Better Help: SMR is sponsored by BetterHelp. Get 10% your first month at https://betterhelp.com/smr

The post Have Sex First on Date Night #672 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

In this conversation, Dr. Marty Klein joins me and discusses the importance of reframing the conversation around sex and challenging our ideas about sexuality.

We emphasize that sex is not just a behavior, but an idea, and that our ideas about sex shape our experiences. He highlights the need for individuals to have a sense of agency and the ability to shape their own sexual experiences.

We also address common conceptions people have about sex, such as the belief that it should be a continuous, seamless connection, and the exceptionalism around sexuality. He encourages a more realistic and accepting view of sexuality, where not every sexual encounter needs to be transcendent or perfect.

We also talk about how foreplay is about getting mentally and emotionally tuned into the sexual experience. It's important to leave behind the cares of the day and focus on the connection with your partner.

Plus, as we age, our bodies change, and it's important to adapt and explore new ways of pleasure. 

Learn more about Dr Klein here - https://www.martyklein.com/

Takeaways

Sex is not just a behavior, but an idea that shapes our experiences.
It is important to challenge and examine our ideas about sexuality.
Having a sense of agency and the ability to shape our own sexual experiences is crucial.
Not every sexual encounter needs to be perfect or transcendent; a more realistic and accepting view of sexuality is needed. Foreplay is about mentally and emotionally preparing for sex.
Planning and scheduling sex can be beneficial for busy adults.
As we age, our bodies change, and it's important to adapt and explore new ways of pleasure.
Knowing what you want in sex is just as important as knowing what you don't want.
Sexuality is a local experience, not an express one.
Communication, experimentation, and understanding your own desires are key in a satisfying sexual experience.

Enjoy the show!

Sponsors ...

One Skin: Get 15% off OneSkin with our code SMR at https://oneskin.co 
#oneskinpod

The post The Idea Of Sex | Dr Marty Klein #671 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

This week let's talk about jealousy. Shanenn Bryant joins me for a conversation about overcoming jealousy in relationships.

Shanenn shares her personal journey with jealousy and how she discovered that she was not alone in experiencing these feelings. She explains that jealousy is often rooted in past experiences and a lack of self-worth. 

The conversation provides practical steps for moving forward and overcoming jealousy, including identifying and changing insecure habits. We also discuss the difference between fear and intuition.

Learn more about Shanenn here https://www.topselfpodcast.com/

Takeaways

Jealousy is a common emotion that can be rooted in past experiences and a lack of self-worth.
Overcoming jealousy requires self-awareness and a willingness to change insecure habits.
Differentiating between fear and intuition is crucial in addressing jealousy.
Open communication and trust are essential for building healthy relationships.

On the Xtended Version ...

In the XTD content, Pam and I discuss how the topic of jealousy and insecurity has played out in our life, as well as what can be done about it. 

Enjoy the show!

Sponsors ...

Paired App: Connect with your spouse every day using Paired. Download the app at https://www.paired.com/SMR

Factor: Get fresh, flavor packed meals ready in 2 minutes for 50% off when you use our code passion50 at https://factormeals.com/passion50.

The post Jealousy and Insecurity | Shanenn Bryant #670 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

In this episode, we dive into how marriage is simple but difficult, and emphasize the importance of honest conversations.

Then we move into the main focus of the episode -- an email from a husband who feels that his wife wants to be wanted but doesn't want to want.

There are complexities of desire discrepancy and sexual frustration in every marriage. So waht do we do with them?

We also touch on the vulnerability and shame associated with discussing sexuality and the deeper parts of our lives.

Takeaways

Marriage is simple but difficult, and it requires honest conversations and a willingness to face challenges.
Desire discrepancy and sexual frustration can be common issues in marriage, and it's important to have open and honest communication about these topics.
Vulnerability and shame can play a role in the dynamics of marriage, and it's important to create a safe space for discussing sensitive topics.
Resilience and overcoming resentment in marriage require facing negative thoughts and feelings, addressing traumas, and implementing boundaries.
On the Xtended Version ...

There are 2 common attitudes people approach marriage and relationships with - an attitude of entitlement or an attitude of exposure.

We explore them and how they play out in life today.

Enjoy the show!

Sponsors ...

SMR Getaway: Join us June 13-15, 2024 in the DFW area for a fantastic getaway. https://smr.fm/getaway

The post Want To Be Wanted But Don’t Want To Want #669 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

In this conversation, Tripp Lanier joins me as we discuss the importance of self-reflection, understanding self, and overcoming resistance.

We explore the impact of scripts, narratives, and parts in our lives and the need to integrate different aspects of ourselves. Our conversation also dives into the balance between love and boundaries in relationships and the power of acceptance and forgiveness.

We wrap up by discussing the importance of taking personal responsibility for our happiness and finding a balance between meeting external expectations and honoring our true selves.

Learn more about Tripp here - https://www.tripplanier.com/

Takeaways

Self-reflection and understanding are key to personal growth and overcoming resistance.
Integrating different aspects of ourselves leads to wholeness and a deeper sense of self.
Balancing love and boundaries in relationships is essential for maintaining an open heart.
Acceptance and forgiveness, both of self and others, are powerful tools for healing and growth.
Taking personal responsibility for our happiness allows us to create fulfilling relationships and lives.

Enjoy the show!

Sponsors ...

Better Help: SMR is sponsored by BetterHelp. Get 10% your first month at https://betterhelp.com/smr

The post Procrastination and Resistance | Tripp Lanier #668 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

In this conversation, I'm joined by Stacey Sherrell and Rachel Faccio from Decoding Couples.

We have a great conversation about the transition from normal married life to intimacy, the importance of creating margin, and the different desire levels in a relationship.

We also explore the role of initiation and rejection in sexual activity, as well as the significance of character and emotional intimacy. Our conversation emphasizes the importance of communication, playfulness, and understanding each other's desires and boundaries.

Learn more about Decoding Couples here - https://www.decodingcouples.com/

Takeaways

Transitioning to intimacy requires communication and understanding of each other's desires and boundaries.
Creating margin between different roles and responsibilities is crucial for a healthy sex life.
Initiation and rejection play a significant role in sexual activity, and it is important to navigate these dynamics with empathy and understanding.
Building emotional intimacy and connection is essential for a fulfilling and enjoyable sex life.
On the Xtended Version ...

In the XTD content, we discuss the importance of initiation and communication in relationships.

We each explore how initiation plays out in our own marriages and the challenges we face. We also discuss the power of intimacy school and the importance of understanding the difference between sex and sex with a partner.

Enjoy the show!

Sponsors ...

Paired App: Connect with your spouse every day using Paired. Download the app at https://www.paired.com/SMR

Babbel: Get 55% off a subscription at https://babbel.com/SMR

The post Initiating Intimacy | Rachel Facio and Stacey Sherrell #667 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

In this episode, in recognition of this being episode 666, we go a bit dark and discuss the concept of normal marital sadism (a term coined by Dr David Schnarch), which refers to the intentional infliction of pain, cruelty, and hurt within a marriage.

We explore various examples of normal marital sadism, such as poking fun at and embarrassing a spouse, lying to inflict pain, restricting the autonomy of your spouse, and manipulating them to establish compliance or gain dominance.

Our conversation emphasizes the importance of recognizing our own capacity for cruelty and the need to address it in order to maintain a healthy and fulfilling marriage.

Takeaways

Normal marital sadism refers to the intentional infliction of pain, cruelty, and hurt within a marriage.

Examples of normal marital sadism include humiliating and demeaning others, lying to inflict pain, restricting the autonomy of others, and manipulating others to establish compliance or gain dominance.

It is important to recognize our own capacity for cruelty and address it in order to maintain a healthy and fulfilling marriage.

Denying the existence of normal marital sadism can lead to its prevalence and negative consequences in a relationship.

On the Xtended Version ...

What do we do about normal marital sadism? How do I address it? Get rid of it? Or, at the very least limit it's presence in my marriage?

Enjoy the show!

Sponsors ...

AG1: Take ownership of your health this year with AG1. Try AG1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D3K2 AND 5 free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase exclusively at https://drinkAG1.com/sexymarriageradio

The post Normal Marital Sadism #666 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

In this conversation, Dr Laurie Watson joins me as we discuss the dynamics of relationships and how they can impact sexual intimacy. We explore the misconceptions and expectations that couples often bring into therapy, as well as the triggers and defensive mechanisms that can lead to negative cycles.

We also discuss the importance of recognizing patterns and understanding attachment styles in order to create healthier relationships. Overall, the conversation emphasizes the need for communication, empathy, and a willingness to work through challenges in order to cultivate a satisfying and fulfilling sexual connection.

Learn more about Laurie here - https://www.foreplayrst.com/

Takeaways

Misconceptions and expectations can lead to disappointment and frustration in relationships.
Triggers and defensive mechanisms can create negative cycles in relationships.
Understanding attachment styles can help couples navigate challenges and create healthier relationships.
Communication, empathy, and a willingness to work through challenges are essential for cultivating a satisfying sexual connection.
On the Xtended Version ...

In this XTD conversation, we provide an example of a couple's interaction and explore the emotional and physical reactions that can arise. We emphasize the importance of creating space for communication and understanding each other's needs. By expressing vulnerability and making plans, couples can overcome the negative cycle and improve their sexual experiences.

Enjoy the show!

Sponsors ...

Better Help: SMR is sponsored by BetterHelp. Get 10% your first month at https://betterhelp.com/smr

The post Attachment Styles and Cycles | Dr Laurie Watson #665 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

This week we discuss the impact of trauma on reactions and responses in marriage.

An email from a listener points out she felt that trauma was not adequately addressed last week.

We explore more how both partners are responsible for their reactions and responses, and that there is no hierarchy of pain. We also discuss the importance of regaining a sense of safety in the relationship and the need for both partners to work on themselves. 

Takeaways

Both partners are responsible for their reactions and responses in marriage.
There is no hierarchy of pain in life and relationship.
Regaining a sense of safety in the relationship is important, but it is not solely the responsibility of a partner.
Recognizing and changing patterns is essential for personal growth and a healthier marriage.

On the Xtended Version ...

We continue to explore the idea of sexual polarity and look at aspects of masculine and feminine energies.

Enjoy the show!

Sponsors ...

Babbel: Get 50% off at https://babbel.com/SMR

The post Yes, But … #664 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.