Do you hope to break generational patterns of pain? Are childhood hurts haunting your marriage? Today’s guest Kristen Hallinan is a writer and speaker, and today she helps you see how to identify and break generational patterns to find hope, healing and redemption.

We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage. 

Episode highlights include:  

•  How your past trauma can affects your current reactions 

• What makes it so hard to break cycles 

• Red flags of unhealthy family dynamics 

• How to work with God to find his redemption 

• Steps to making a redemption plan for your marriage 

*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here! 

QUOTES

• “It can be easy to say, ‘Why didn’t I know better?’ You didn’t know better because that’s all you knew.” - Kristen Hallinan 

• “The more I’ve gotten to know who God is, the more I understand who I am.”- Kristen Hallinan 

• “I used to believe if I just tried hard enough, I could grow up and create this perfect family.” - Kristen Hallinan 

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: 

• Sign up HERE to get the Couple’s Conversation Guide for each week’s new episode 

• Learn more about how to make your marriage conflict healthy by joining Dr. Kim for the 8 Guidelines for Fighting Fair Webinar 

• Dr. Kim recommends the book, The Body Keeps the Score 

• Grab Kristen’s book, Legacy Changer for more great info on the topic

• Follow Kristen on Instagram and check out her website

Today we are sharing the final episode with Kathy McAtee Young and her story of finding safety after decades in an abusive marriage. In this episode Kathy shares some of the barriers that prevent spouses in abusive marriages from seeking safety and help, ways to begin moving out of the abusive relationship, and the ways healing begins afterward. 

Don’t miss the conclusion to Kathy’s story. We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage. 

Episode highlights include:  

• Reasons that abused spouse don’t trust their own judgment

• Steps to get out of an abusive marriage

• Is it ever appropriate to intervene if you believe someone is being abused? 

• What the process of healing looks like after you get safe

*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here! 

QUOTES

• “One of the hallmarks of an unsafe relationship is confusion.” - Kathy McAtee Young  

• “God sees you. He cares. And he is faithful.” - Kathy McAtee Young 

• “We don’t want your pity. Compassion, yes. There is a difference.” - Kathy McAtee Young

• “Healing is a lifestyle, not a finish line.” - Kathy McAtee Young 

• “When you can name it, then you can process it.”  - Kathy McAtee Young

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: 

• Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline : 800-799-7233 https://www.thehotline.org/

• Visit Kathy’s website to learn about the helpful resources and services she offers 

• Kathy can also be reached for coaching on Instagram 

• This previous episode explains a Biblical perspective on abuse

  • Lies That Keep You With Your Abuser with Dr. David E Clarke | Ep. 541 

Today in Part 2 of Kathy’s story, Kathy shares the ways she sought support from the church when she realized her marriage was in trouble, the responses she received, and the effects that had on her marriage. In this episode Kathy shares why it’s not possible for the abused spouse to end the abuse, and the difference between biblical versus unbiblical advice about abuse. 

We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage. 

Episode highlights include:  

•  Interventions the church put in place, and why they were not successful 

• The wake up moment that turned things around for Kathy 

• What is an appropriate response to spousal abuse? 

• The red flags that advice or counsel about abuse is unbiblical 

*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here! 

• Red flags that advice or counsel about abuse is unbiblical 

  • They won’t call out that abuse is abuse

  • They will not call the abuse sin

  • The safety of the abused spouse is not top priority 

  • There is no call for repentance 

  • They advise you to stay, regardless 

  • Blaming the abused for the abuse

QUOTES

• “There is one person responsible for abuse: It is the abuser.” - Kathy McAtee Young 

• “The Bible definitely commands forgiveness. It does not command reconciliation.”  - Kathy McAtee Young 

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: 

• Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline : 800-799-7233 https://www.thehotline.org/

• Visit Kathy’s website to learn about the helpful resources and services she offers 

• Kathy can also be reached for coaching on Instagram 

• This previous episode explains a Biblical perspective on abuse

  • Lies That Keep You With Your Abuser with Dr. David E Clarke | Ep. 541 

When does an unhealthy marriage become an abusive marriage? Where can you go when you need to get out? In today’s episode we hear part 1 of Kathy’s real marriage story. Kathy shares how she came to believe that divorce was the most God-honoring option in her situation, and how she found safety after 30+ years in an emotionally abusive marriage. 

We are so grateful to Kathy for generously sharing her story. We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage. 

Episode highlights include:  

• Dispelling myths about who falls into abuse 

• Why marriage counseling does not work in abusive marriages

• How Kathy learned her marriage was abusive

• Why she stayed as long as she did, and why she later divorced  

*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here! 

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: 

• This previous episode defines a clear Biblical perspective on abuse:

  • Lies That Keep You With Your Abuser with Dr. David E Clarke | Ep. 541 

QUOTES

• “I want to debunk the myth that abused women are poorly educated, lower income, women who can easily be taken advantage of. That’s just not accurate.”  - Kathy McAtee Young 

• “Within the first year, I knew we had trouble…” - Kathy McAtee Young  

• “Marriage counseling does not work if there’s abuse involved. I know that now.” - Kathy McAtee Young 

• “Most people who are narcissists are really good at it.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling 

• “You have this idea that, ‘If she could fix all these things, then I wouldn’t be this way.’ That’s the blame shifting.” - Kathy McAtee Young 

• “The heart of abuse is power and control. Everything else is tactics.” - Kathy McAtee Young 

Do you fight fair, or do you wish there was a referee to call a stop to the foul play when you argue with your spouse? Ground rules are an important step toward having healthy marriage conflict, so today Dr. Kim will spell out how to make sure you’re fighting fair in your marriage. We want to empower you to fight fair, and resolve issues in a kind and loving way. 

If you need help to fight fair and truly resolve issues without making things worse, you will love today’s conversation. 

We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage. 

Episode highlights include:  

• The DOs and DON’Ts of fighting fair 

• The side effects of unhealthy conflict 

• A healthy way to “let it all out” 

• Can honesty go too far?  How do you know? 

• Tips to the reconnection process - how to make up well 

*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here! 

QUOTES

• “We both learned we needed to reconnect and apologize, but sometimes we werent’ ready to take that step at the same time. We had to learn that somebody needs to take the step. It doesn’t really matter who started the fight or who was wrong.” 

• “Taking responsibility is huge. Owning your part in it, even if you think you only did 10%, you still did 10%.”

• “What are you sorry for? Be very specific in what you did and why you're taking responsibility.”

• “I say it a lot: One of the best gifts you can give your marriage is to learn how to resolve conflict.” 

• Forgiveness and apologies need to have no strings attached. It’s just that I choose to do this. 

• We’re not just trying to clear a slate so our spouse stops bugging us. Have you repented before the Lord? That’s where this starts. 

• We are accountable to Him before being accountable to our spouse. Did I just treat my spouse in the way He would have me treat them? If not, I need to take that up with Him 

QUESTIONS FOR YOU

• When you really think about it, how did it affect your spouse when you had this conflict? 

• Repentance. Learning from the mistakes made and committing to work on them together. 

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: 

• Learn more about how to make your marriage conflict healthy by joining Dr. Kim for the 8 Guidelines for Fighting Fair Webinar 

• Our Conflict Resolution Cheat Sheet is your quick guide to get marriage conflict on the right track. 

• If you’re ready to learn how to do conflict well, the Conflict Resolution Guide helps you diagnose the problem areas in your marriage, then learn the steps to resolve them. 

• TODAY is the last day for our 7 Most Popular Resource Bundle! Don’t miss the chance to get 7 of our most-loved resources for 1 donation of ANY amount in support of the ministry of Awesome Marriage! Get all the details here!  

Sick of the same old fights over and over with your spouse? Learn to de-escalate marriage fights and resolve issues in a healthy and helpful way. Conflict in marriage is inevitable, but the way you handle it is what matters most. Learning to deal with it well will benefit your marriage in so many ways! Tune in today to learn how. 

We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage. 

Episode highlights include:  

• Common conflict pitfalls to avoid

• The problem with “winning” marriage fights 

• Tips to help you break the fighting cycle

• What to do if one spouse is not ready to reconnect 

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

• Are you stuck in a conflict cycle? If so, work together to identify what’s triggering it. 

• Choose 1 tip from Dr. Kim’s list below that you will both agree to use this week. 

*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here! 

QUOTES

• “When we try our best to avoid conflict, we’re not really equipping ourselves with the skills to handle it well.” - Lindsay Few 

• “Awareness gives you some insight that can really be useful.” Dr. Kim Kimberling 

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: 

• Learn more about how to make your marriage conflict healthy by joining Dr. Kim for the 8 Guidelines for Fighting Fair Webinar 

• Our Conflict Resolution Cheat Sheet is your quick guide to get marriage conflict on the right track. 

• If you’re ready to learn how to do conflict well, the Conflict Resolution Guide helps you diagnose the problem areas in your marriage, then learn the steps to resolve them. 

• It’s here! Our 7 Most Popular Resource Bundle is LIVE! That means you can get 7 of our most-loved marriage building resources by making 1 donation of ANY amount to support the ministry of Awesome Marriage! The bundle is available for a limited time only. Get all the details here!  

Learn how conflict can create a deeper connection between you and your spouse. Today’s special guest, marriage coach Dana Che is very open about the struggles her marriage faced. In today’s episode she shares her marriage story, what got them through, and how you can use the conflict you face in marriage to draw you toward deeper connection. 

We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage. 

Episode highlights include:  

• What we can learn from our conflict triggers

• How to deal with different conflict styles in marriage 

• Steps to break generational cycles in your marriage 

• The power of speaking life to our spouse and our marriage 

• How being emotionally unavailable tends to show up in husbands and in wives & what to do about it  

*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here! 

QUOTES

• “As a wife, I knew I couldn’t change my husband … but that didn’’ keep me from trying.” Dana Che 

• “When you actually engage in conflict, you can start to learn more about your spouse, what’s important to them.” -Dana Che 

•  “You’ve got to feed the right things if you want to change the wrong things.” - Dana Che 

• “Just like you learned that bad behavior, you can unlearn it and learn something new.” Dana Che 

• “True repentance is visible.” Dana Che 

• “What we believe, we will begin to speak. What we speak, we will begin to behave.” Dana Che

QUESTIONS FOR YOU

• What does your most recent marriage conflict reveal about what’s most valuable to you?  

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: 

• Find more from Dana at DanaChe.com, where you can take her “Connection Check” quiz 

• Listen to the “Real Relationship Talk” podcast 

• Joining Marriage Changers now means you score a huge haul of marriage-building goods when our annual *7 Most-Popular Resource Bundle* goes live on April 2nd! 

Why do Christians need counseling? Isn’t the Gospel enough to transform us? We hear these questions fairly often. Today Dr. Kim and special guest Jason VanRuler dive deeper into these questions and the conversation about the role of therapy and counseling in a life devoted to following Jesus.

Don’t miss this helpful conversation! We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage. 

Episode highlights include:  

• How often do clients have no idea that they haven’t gotten past their past? 

• Unexpected ways your past might be showing up & affecting your marriage today

• Updating the negative messages we believe about ourselves 

• The effect of vulnerability on our marriage connection 

*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here! 

QUOTES

• “Where there's a disconnect in relationships, it’s often a disconnect from the system we witnessed growing up and what we’re trying to make happen today.” - Jason VanRuler 

• “When we get comfortable, the old ways seep out to the surface.”  - Jason VanRuler 

• “Every time a client says a negative message about themselves, I ask, is that the message you think God gave you?”  - Jason VanRuler 

• “One of my great joys is working with people to eliminate distractions so they can focus on the truth and live the life God has called them to.”- Jason VanRuler 

• “If we want to feel connected and we’re not feeling connected, a lot of times that emotional intimacy and depth is the missing link.”  - Jason VanRuler 

• “When we get vulnerable and honest, it attracts intimacy from our partner and we have a different relationship.”  - Jason VanRuler 

• “The marriage we want is often on the other side of vulnerability. We just don’t often know how to get there.”- Jason VanRuler

QUESTIONS FOR YOU

•  Do you recognize any ways you haven’t gotten past your past? 

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: 

• Get Jason’s book, Get Past Your Past 

• His site: https://www.jasonvr.com/

• If you’re ready to heal your marriage from p*rn, join us for the “5 Steps to Healing After P*rn Betrayal” LIVE webinar.

• Joining Marriage Changers now means you score a huge haul of marriage-building goods when our annual *7 Most-Popular Resource Bundle* goes live on April 2nd!

Are you a man living in the stress bubble? It’s when the years of marriage, career building and raising kids all happen at once. You’re figuring everything out, trying to be there for it all, and it. Is. Stressful. If you’re there, you want to hear from a godly dad who has been there. 

We’re so happy to share this conversation with Jim Ramos. Jim’s wisdom and experience will equip and encourage you to be the husband and dad you want to be. Don’t miss this episode.

We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage. 

Episode highlights include:  

• Jim defines the 4 phases of fatherhood 

• Advice for the dad who never had a role model to guide him

• Common mistakes dads make in the “stress bubble” years 

• Types of provision that the family needs from a husband / father

• 3 easy things Jim did that he recommends for all couples 

 *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here! 

QUOTES

• “Whether we tell our kids that we’ve made mistakes or not, they’re still noticing. Especially during those teen years.” - Jim Ramos

• "Our families require much more than physical provision. The damage most men do has nothing to do with physical provision; it has to do with heart care and soul care.” Jim Ramos

• “You don’t have to be flashy. You don't have to be Superman. You just have to show up.”   - Jim Ramos 

• “As men we have to realize our wife is the most important person on the planet, and it’s our job to make one person feel special.”  - Jim Ramos 

• “You will not be remembered for what you did 9-5, you will be remembered for what you did 5-9.”  - Jim Ramos 

QUESTIONS FOR YOU

• Jim shared 5 traits that set a “man” apart from a “male”:

1. Protect integrity
2. Fight apathy 
3. Pursue God passionately
4. Lead courageously
5. Finish strong each day 

• Which one of these is God calling you to grow in today? 

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: 

• Find Jim online @ https://meninthearena.org/

• On instagram @themeninthearena

• Get the book Strong Men Dangerous Times

• Listen to the Men in The Arena Podcast 

Dr. Kim has said that prayer is the #1 most impactful thing you can do for your marriage. Today he explains why that is, and how to make it a habit in your marriage. Today we want to make praying with your spouse more approachable by sharing 4 biblical prayers to pray with your spouse that will grow your marriage. 

The Bible lists a lot of reasons for marriage, and praying in line with God’s purpose and intention for marriage is very powerful. 

We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage. 

Episode highlights include:  

• Why prayer is an essential act of spiritual protection against the enemy 

• Why it’s so hard to get started, and how to overcome 

• Healthy perspective shifts praying will provide in your marriage 

• How to handle some of the uncomfortable realities of answered prayers 

• The power of prayer to help you take personal responsibility

*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here! 

QUOTES

• “Praying together puts God where he wants to be in our marriage: Right in the center of it. - Dr. Kim Kimberling 

• “The enemy does not want Christian marriages to work.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling 

• “When you pray together you find that it unites you.”  - Dr. Kim Kimberling 

• “There’s a ripple effect: It’s not just about the couple, it’s about the family; it’s about the community.” - Lindsay Few 

• “I am more of who God created me to be after being married to Nancy all these years than I would have been without her.” -  Dr. Kim Kimberling 

• “God put us together. He’s got some fun stuff for us to do. Let’s look out and let’s get this stuff going!” - Lindsay Few

• Blame is a very human response…but we all have a way we can influence the world. We do have control over how we’re responding to God’s call on us.” - Lindsay Few

QUESTIONS FOR YOU

4 Prayers to Pray together: 

• Protection from the enemy of our souls
• That your marriage will sharpen you
• Pray that your marriage be fruitful
• That your marriage will be a light 

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: 

• Our 21 Prayers for Building An Awesome Marriage makes it simple to make prayer a regular part of your marriage <3 

• Find more prayers to grow your marriage in the 7 Prayers YouVersion Bible reading plan 

When we pray, it can be tempting to make our prayers a wishlist. But praying in line with God’s word changes things, and today we’re talking about why that matters and how to pray biblically for your marriage. Today Dr. Kim shares 4 prayers that line up with Scripture that you can be praying daily to grow you, and your marriage! 

Don’t miss this powerful episode. We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage. 

Episode highlights include:  

• Why it matters to pray biblically

• What makes a prayer biblical

• The risk involved in praying these things, and the reward they provide

• How these prayers have impacted Dr. Kim and Nancy’s marriage 

*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here! 

QUOTES

• We’ve probably all heard some things taught, or caught, that were not biblical. We’ve heard ideas like, 'If God loves you, He’ll make you happy,' or 'If you marry the right person, marriage will be easy,' that do not line up with Scripture.”- Lindsay Few 

• “Trusting him may be the hardest first step for some of us, because we’re not sure what he’ll do.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling 

• “Sometimes the prayer we want answered is just the thing that’s easiest for us.” - Lindsay Few 

• “He’s always good, even though we don’t see it at times.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling 

• “Each of us can be thankful that God knows not only what’s best for us, but for the whole world. We don’t have to be burdened with that. He’s got that.” - Lindsay Few 

• “If you’re lining up with what God states in his word that He wants to have happen, that’s going to be really powerful.” - Lindsay Few 

• “We can’t hide anything from God.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling 

• “Sexual desire is created for a reason. It’s not a secret from God.” - Lindsay Few 

4 Prayers to Grow You and Your Marriage: 

• Pray that God will help you love like Christ loved. 

• Ask God to search you, know your heart, and reveal any offensive way.

• Pray that your desire will be for your spouse only. 

• Ask God to help you see your spouse as He does. 

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: 

• Make prayer a regular part of your marriage with our 21 Prayers for Building An Awesome Marriage 

• If your marriage is struggling to recover after infidelity, please check out our Affair Recovery Course. For less than the cost of 2 counseling sessions, this course helps you learn and take the needed steps to healing. 

• If porn has damaged your marriage, please take advantage of these resources we’ve created just for you: 

  • The Marriage Undefiled Course

  • Dr. Kim’s podcast episode with Matt Cline 

• Find more prayers to grow your marriage in the 7 Prayers YouVersion Bible reading  plan